Gone are the days when women would wait patiently for a guy to make the first move–and although learning how to get the courage to ask a guy out can take time, there is no reason whatsoever you can’t initiate the conversation.
Although I appreciate it’s a generalization, it is also true that women tend to be more intuitive, whereas a guy could have no idea you’re genuinely interested, no matter how direct you think you’re being!
Let’s talk about how to ask out a guy over text messages or video chat via an online dating app, with some inspiration about how to get the tone just right.
1. Be Natural and Authentic
Many of us spend hours debating the right words to use, whether to add a cute emoji, and whether to be funny or serious. In reality, the right way to ask for a date depends on your personality and communication style.
Putting tons of pressure on yourself makes the situation feel highly geared, and can cause needless anxiety and stress, so try to calm down, stay true to yourself, and don’t mimic a style that isn’t yours. I understand that may be easier said than done, but asking somebody out doesn’t need to be tense.
2. Be Direct and Clear
Guys can often assume that women want to take their time before arranging a date, which might be true. However, we all work differently, and if someone you like hasn’t picked up on your hints, it might be worth broaching the subject of a date with extra clarity.
- “Are you up for grabbing a coffee together next week?”
- “How do you feel about a walk in the park next Saturday?”
- “Are you down for lunch this weekend?”
I’d stay clear of phrases that might be easy to misconstrue, such as ‘meet up’ or ‘hook up.’ Even if you’re referring to a quiet coffee and a face-to-face chat, some guys might interpret the message the wrong way.
Note that in these examples, I’ve stated a date or a rough time rather than saying ‘at some point’ or something equally non-committal.
3. Be Patient
In an ideal world, everybody who asks someone else out will get an immediate, enthusiastic, and resounding ‘yes’–but don’t feel disheartened if you don’t receive an instant reply. Very few people will log into a dating app at work or when with friends, for example, and the guy you’re interested in will likely want to respond when he’s had time to read your message properly.
Most people use online dating because it’s convenient, fits into a busy schedule, and makes it easier to meet compatible people. Don’t send follow-up messages if you haven’t heard back in the first ten minutes!
How to Ask a Guy Out Over an Online Dating Video Call
The scenario could be slightly different if you’re chatting via video link. In this case, I’d say it’s fine to rehearse what you’d like to say purely because it can help you feel more confident and relaxed if you’ve given it some thought and aren’t worried about blurting out something awkward.
The same guidance applies–wait for him to digest what you’ve said, work it naturally into your conversation, and be open to seeing how things move forward from here!