It’s like you’re dating an acrobat on a high-wire. He walks the line carefully, always one inch away from falling and losing everything, always a few more steps away from reaching his goal.
The question is, how can you live with this balancing act? Wouldn’t it be less stressful for you to better communicate your needs and let him know that the hot and cold thing is not going to work for you. He needs to make a decision and follow his heart.
You really have to beware of a man who isn’t balanced in his perspective. If he’s always talking about himself but rarely asks how you’re doing, he is definitely pulling away. Maybe the initial interest he showed in you was an act. Maybe the real him is self-absorbed.
On the other hand, if he asks about you but never confides in you about his life or his thoughts, that’s another imbalanced situation that could mean trouble.
Has he withdrawn from you for a specific reason? Does he think you don’t want to hear about his life, or does he have a reason to doubt your loyalty - real or imagined?
A man who worships you and spends ALL of his time with you is almost too good of a feeling to be real. If he struggles with low self-confidence or emotional turmoil that worship can quickly become volatile personality shifts.
On the other hand, if he has many friends and you’re one of the many (who he just happens to enjoy dating), you may be dealing with a man who has very little to offer you in terms of time or effort.
Finally, you have to consider whether you’re his friend, free therapist, or boyfriend - or at least a man with serious dating potential. It’s easy to fall into the trap of falling in love with a friend who doesn’t love you quite as much. He may enjoy a casual “friends with benefits” thing but not be seriously interested in progressing - in getting to know you more than just the surface.
Or you might have met a guy that just wants to unload all of his emotional baggage on you, or somebody, or anybody who will listen. Is he talking with you or AT YOU?
You have to consider who your man IS closest to right now, if not you - which is the point of a relationship. Does he seem to be happier when he’s hanging out with his guy friends or another family member?
There’s nothing wrong with that dynamic, but is it always at the expense of your needs? Is your desire to be his best friend always thwarted by someone who you can never seem to measure up to?
A boy’s best friend is his mother...you know, in horror movies.