You’re a dreamer, singing along with John Lennon, welcoming in an ideal scenario that would be so awesome. Problem is...you have to wake up soon, and it’s going to be a lot less “blue skies” than you anticipated.
If you scored 30+ points your heart is in the right place. But sadly, our hearts are sometimes not in sync with the people we try to love. You may have noticed that he has become quite outspoken about your behavior and what he sees as your flaws.
He may try to claim that he is just not ready for a relationship, but his patterns suggest he is just interested in other women, his friends, and maybe even his family, who seem to (still) take care of him.
His long list of ex-girlfriends is self-explanatory, as is the simple way he views sex, versus the flippancy of how he views love.
In fact, if he has a criminal record or seems to always be stepping into drama with other people, you may be dealing with a man who needs therapy, not a relationship.
So the real question is not “Why has be backed away?” but more along the lines of “Why do I always go for these guys when I know how badly this is going to end?”
It’s not even that fact that you’re attracted to “that type of guy.” No, let’s not go there.
Let’s start by the simple truth that these relationships happen because you let the guy get away with murder. You let him take you for granted.
You’re too quick to forgive him, because they all seem like little annoyances at the time. And you let him “pull away”, all the while pushing yourself closer to him - no matter how far he is pulling back.
But rather than see this as a “player” type of situation, start with a more simple defense.
It’s not that he’s insincere, necessarily. He’s just busy, gregarious, and probably not focused on a real relationship right now. If his moods spiral out of control, particularly low moods where he seems depressed or pessimistic about your future, this is another area of concern.
Maybe he likes you but maybe now is a very bad time in his life to be in a committed relationship. His thoughts on the future might be complex, particularly if he is disorganized about his life and future goals. Does he ask you what you want to do, oblivious of his own path in life?
From now on, when you date a guy you like, impose some much higher standards. Don’t let him get away with little slights or minor faux paus. It’s not about you giving him a hard time.
It’s not about you being picky. It’s about you being serious about this relationship and letting him know right away, “I’m not interested in a boyfriend that’s “half there”, or distracted, or tempted by other women.
“I don’t need this relationship if all you have to offer me is “second best” and “leftovers.”