When you fall for somebody, you want to see them all the time! Days seem longer. Several days going by without a word feels like something’s wrong. But your instincts are right! Trying to corner him, or stalking him, or demanding his attention is a step in the wrong direction. What you do is figure out how to tell a guy you want to see him without sounding needy or clingy.
In this discussion, we’re going to consider a few subtle ways to do this. Because the whole objective here is showing him that you miss him, but not that you desperately need him. Desperation repels, but curiosity attracts. Before we get into strategies let’s first illustrate what “needy” looks like to a man.
Now mind you, what you may perceive as just being kind or funny, he may see in an entirely different way.
Examples of Needy Texts
- Why didn’t you call or text me? I was waiting for you!
- Are you avoiding me? Lol
- I was waiting for your text, but alas I had to entertain myself.
- Hello? Hello? Just bored…wondering what you’re doing…where did you run off to? {GIF} {Emoji} {GIF} {Emoji} ?????
- I think about you a lot. (Stalker GIF)
- I know you’re trying to forget me, but you never will! Muahahaha!
- I just wish the way we used to talk together.
- I miss you.
- I wish we understood each other better.
- Hmmmm are you dead or something?
- Why must you resist me? I see you read my message! Facebook told me so!
- It’s cool. I forgive you for ignoring me hahaha
- You know I doubt all your other friends care about you as much as I do!
Simply put, needy means:
- Overly emotional (Tell him how you feel!)
- Aggression pretending to be funny (It’s a joke, right! Hahaha?)
- Trying to elicit PITY from him rather than continue the attraction
- Creating romantic attachment without any actual sexual tension
A good rule of thumb is to run your text by a “best friend filter.” If you wouldn’t message the same thing to your female best friend, then it’s probably not a good idea to send the same message to your ex or to your crush. If you’re in doubt ask one of your friends if the text sounds weird. Don’t be surprised if they say, “Yeah you might not want to send that.”
Sometimes distance helps. Your friend is not emotionally attached to the guy and may give you some good advice that you can’t see right now.
How to Text a Guy First Without Sounding Desperate
Now it’s time to talk about strategy. If you’re worried about the guy losing interest then your fight or flight instinct might be to grab his attention, follow his every move, and don’t let go until he talks to you. But in dating that’s a big mistake. (I mean, unless the Netflix series Joe is not creepy at all to you)
So if you want to text a guy you want to see but without sounding needy then the objective is to project a successful and confident appearance. Even if you’re only texting him and not appearing in person, the objective is the same. The vibes, the feelings, the attitude does matter.
If you show up (even on social media) looking needy or resentful, or desperate to keep his attention, that comes across. He senses that awkward energy. Even if you try to make it funny he can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong. You went from casual and fun to something different. Something jealous or needy.
How do you say you want to see someone without sounding needy? The best way to do it is to focus on readjusting the energy within.
Don’t Respond When You’re in a Bad Place
If you’re feeling needy that’s okay. It happens. But here’s what you do. Do not send that text. Do not make that call. If you feel lonely or in a low place, or want to react emotionally, just RESIST. Don’t do it. Take a breather and do something else. Do something that makes you feel good about yourself.
I personally like exercising. Or eating some really good food, like my favorite dish! Or sometimes I write or I focus on work ahead. If there’s a subject that brings me anxiety, and it’s not a pressing need at the moment, then I just put it out of my head. Deal with it later. For the moment, I do something that puts me in a better frame of mind.
That’s what I recommend for anyone that feels upset or lonely or ignored in some way. Usually, the guy is not even aware that so many days have passed since your last conversation. And on that note…
How to Not Be Clingy But Still Show Interest
Is it annoying if you text him first? No. But ask yourself, are you coming from a positive place in your mind? Women initiate conversations with men all the time. But there’s a big difference between needy/clingy or aggressive versus relaxed, positive, and playful.
So if enough time has passed, say, a few days or longer, if you’re trying to make him forget a bad incident. Start by texting something simple. A funny meme, or a viral video (along with your comment), or a personal message that’s more in line with your interesting and fun conversations of the past.
It’s also best to avoid these kinds of texts:
- Hi.
- How are you?
- Is everything all right?
- Is anything new?
- I’ve been worried, everything OK?
- How is life?
If you can’t think of anything funny to share, then MAYBE you can ask about something specific, like “how is your father/mother?” (if that was a topic of conversation), or a friend, or an incident he talked about on Facebook.
But blunt and unimaginative inquiries sound needy. He might not respond negatively, but he also won’t have any particular POSITIVE associations either. So it’s imperative that you only text him when you have something positive to say or share.
These texts should NOT be a long explanation or an original poem or anything that goes beyond his level of investment in you.
Do you see the pattern? If you invest more in him before he’s ready, you chase him away.
So let’s discuss some ideas on how to tell a guy you want to keep seeing him and yes, even that you miss him.
How to Tell a Guy You Miss Him without Being Clingy
- Keep the texts brief.
Less is always more.
- Share something funny or interesting.
Something right up his alley!
- Don’t try to say too much.
In fact, it’s best not to explain anything. Your instincts might be to talk things out, but at this early stage in the relationship (or trying to get back together) you want to take a much more patient approach. This puts him in charge of leading the romance, which confirms he’s interested and he’s investing time in you – not the other way around.
- Flirt with him a little bit.
Men are never put off by mindless flirting! The only thing that does weird him out would be any talk of commitment or romance before it feels natural.
- Mention something fun that YOU are doing, something cool about your life.
Remember, if it’s about positive associations, it’s not limited to dialog. You can always SHOW him that you’re living a great life. Show him positive things in your life by posting them on Facebook or sharing DM photos with him and other people too.
By letting him know you just enjoy his company but don’t constantly crave his attention, you’re starting over. You’re resetting the relationship, and can still save it, even if he was weirded out at something you did a while back. Just remember to take things slow.
How to Show a Man You Need Him Without Being Needy
At the end of the day, you may feel that you need him in your life, especially if your relationship has been intimate or romantic in the past. How do you show a guy you’re interested without being desperate?
Remember to project positive emotions internally. Rather than try to aggressively court his attention be subtle. If he’s attracted to you physically, play that part up. Dress in something you know he’s going to like.
If you want a stronger connection with him, rather than forcing him to notice you, take an interest in him. Get him involved by talking about a subject he is passionate about. Ask him for his expert opinion on something. Engage him emotionally by getting his feelings involved in a positive way, rather than yanking negative emotion out of him.
The point is, people only sound “needy” if that’s the feeling they project. Wait until those negative feelings pass. Fill your mind with something beautiful, a thought, a spark of inspiration, a memory you remember fondly. Take that with you. And when you’re ready share that with the man you love.
If you want to learn more about texting in a way that promotes strong attraction, read my blog on Learn how to turn a guy on over text!
