How to Ask a Guy if He Likes You

What is so dangerous about the phrase “Hey! So…I was wondering do you like me? You know, like-like me? Like boyfriend and girlfriend?”

It seems like such a simple thing to say and yet most dating coaches, authors and relationship counselors will advise you against saying it. They say the direct approach is wrong and it’s asking for trouble. Because a strong, independent woman wouldn’t want to appear too desperate by asking a man if he liked her and if he wanted to go out, right?

The answer is a little more complicated than a simple yes or no. In general, men don’t like to be confronted. They don’t want to be TOLD that they’re attracted to you and that they should go out with you. Nobody likes to be pushed around, that’s just common sense.

But it actually doesn’t matter WHO makes the first move. In fact, women usually do make the first move in a new courtship…it’s just that it’s a very subtle move. Whereas a man’s first move might be to go up to a woman and start making small talk, a woman’s “first move” might be just a glance in his direction or accidentally bumping into him. Women are very subtle, and usually men do respond to that.

Of course, this coy approach might only encourage small talk and pleasant conversation. Eventually, if you play it safe, and he plays it safe, you might fall into the trap of a “platonic” friendship – one where you don’t really know if he’s seriously interested you or not.

Now at this point, is it OK to just be a little cutesy and ask him something like, “Hey, I like you…and I’m wondering if you like me in the same way”?

Before you assume that it’s 2017 and it’s OK for a woman to “reel in a man”, stop and consider a few prerequisites before you even THINK about taking such a risk.

1. Have you talked about relationships at all? Make an attempt to learn his situation.

Before you announce your feelings, be sure that he is available and ready to date emotionally. Sometimes our “platonic” friends are so friendly and approachable BECAUSE they aren’t interested in us romantically. If you broach the subject of relationships, you may quickly find out if he’s spoken for, not dating anyone or just sort of “looking for the right one.” That’s a good signal, as is “I’m tired of dating games” and the “tired of the bachelor lifestyle.” You don’t have to risk much embarrassment just by asking a simple question like “So are you dating anyone?”

2. Focus on creating a “sexy environment” so that you can really communicate.

Regardless of whether you want to make the first move, or want him to, one thing’s for sure. An unsexy environment will usually lead to awkwardness and reluctant rejection.

Instead, focus on creating the right environment—no not romantic lighting and sweet music, I mean a conversation of laughing, smiling, light touching and fun. Avoid social awkwardness and an overly formal tone by showing your best side to him. Laugh a little throaty when he says something funny. Gently touch his shoulder when he continues to entertain you. Giggle with him if he giggles first. In other words, you’re teasing him back, laughing with him, acknowledging that something exists between the two of you.

The more you interact with him lightly flirt with him, the more confidence you give him, and that means he’s more likely to make the first move. Unless he’s very shy, he might soon feel safe enough to ask you out.

But even if he doesn’t make a move, this is the right atmosphere to create before you ask any questions about feelings.

3. Whatever you do, be careful not to chase him – you can ask about how he feels, but chasing is out of the question.

This is the real issue at hand. It’s not a huge deal if you ask a guy directly if he likes you (or even that you like him) but CHASING HIM is sure to push him away. Guys do not like to be chased. Chasing him is not only “desperate” it’s downright rude. This might include behaviors such as:

• Demanding attention from him
• Over-texting him
• Fawning over him, treating him like he’s perfect
• Calling him all the time
• Guilting him into talk to you
• Talking at him, rather than encouraging interaction
• Asking him to events constantly
• Calling him out on social media
• Showing up unexpectedly at his job or home

And you get the idea. The key is to be patient. Don’t assume that he’s extremely shy and needs you to move things forward. He may actually be studying you, testing you, or waiting for the right moment when HE is comfortable.

4. Finally, ask him how he feels about you…but butter him up FIRST.

I would advise against the “cold question”. Instead, build up to the question by getting him to confide in you. Talk about his career, his hobby, his passion, family and things going on. Show him that you’re a friend that can be trusted and who actually takes an interest in his life.

NOW, after he’s learned to trust you and associate you with great and interactive conversation, you can go out on a limb and ask him if he likes you.

Like I said establishing these steps beforehand is very important. And I also feel that there’s no need to rush this process UNLESS he’s shy. Usually, guys who aren’t shy will start to guide the conversation toward dating.

What I do recommend is that you ask him out in CONFIDENCE. Don’t be weak, don’t be afraid and don’t come across like a little girl asking for his approval. Instead, approach him honestly and with a mature attitude.

You could say something like, “I sometimes sense that there’s something between us. What do you think?” Or maybe, “I like spending time with you. (He says I like spending time with you too). Reply with “Just as a friend?” and hold their eye contact strong. Or you can go for an even more upfront proposal: “(Name)…you like me, don’t you?”

He may be a little surprised and caught off guard but since the environment is right, and since you’ve prepared him for this step by previously bonding with him, he may be more inclined to admit that there’s something between the two of you.

He may admit that he has strong feelings for you or he may just admit that there is SOMETHING and he’d like to explore it.

It is important that you mirror his own activity and level of interest. You’re not falling in love, you’re merely feeling something vague, a growing attraction. Project this interest rather than letting your feelings run away with you. I know it sometimes seems hard to do this, but trust me…the man you like will respect you more if you take things slow and prove that you have self-control, confidence and patience.

Aside from what we reviewed, YES, it is time to discuss the “elephant in the room” and find out if there really is something between you and your crush!

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Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

What’s stopping you from meeting Mr Right and having the relationship you want? Click here to take the quiz.

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