Should you ask a guy if he likes you?
What is so dangerous about the phrase “Do you like me more than a friend?”
Finding out if a guy likes you seems like such a simple thing to say and yet most dating coaches, authors, and relationship counselors will advise you against saying it. They say the direct approach is wrong and it’s asking for trouble. Because a strong, independent woman wouldn’t want to appear too desperate by asking a man if he liked her and if he wanted to go out, right?
The answer is a little more complicated than a simple yes or no. In general, men don’t like to be confronted and don’t want to face their feelings. They don’t want to be TOLD that they’re attracted to you and that they should go out with you. Nobody likes to be pushed around, that’s just common sense.
But it actually doesn’t matter WHO makes the first move in relationships. In fact, women usually do make the first move in a new courtship…it’s just that it’s a very subtle move. Whereas a man’s first move might be to go up to a woman and start making small talk, a woman’s “first move” might be just a glance in his direction or accidentally bumping into him. Women are very subtle, and usually men do respond to those signs.
Of course, this coy approach might only encourage small talk and pleasant conversation. Eventually, if you play it safe, and he plays it safe, you might fall into the trap of a “platonic” friendship – one where you don’t really know if he’s seriously interested in you or not. But should you ask a guy if he likes you, with a more direct approach?
Now at this point in relationships, is it OK to just be a little cutesy and ask him something like, “Hey, I like you…and I’m wondering if you like me in the same way”?
How to Ask a Guy If He Likes You: 4 Approaches to Consider When Asking About a Guy’s Feelings
Before you assume that it’s 2023 and it’s OK for a woman to “reel in a man”, stop and consider a few prerequisites before you even THINK about taking such a risk to ask if he has feelings for you.
1. Have you talked about relationships at all? Make an attempt to learn his situation.
How to ask a guy how he feels about you starts with assessing the situation entirely and understanding where the guy is at with relationships. Before you announce your feelings, be sure that he is available and ready to date emotionally. Sometimes our “platonic” friends are so friendly and approachable BECAUSE they aren’t interested in us romantically. If you broach the subject of relationships, you may quickly find out if he’s spoken for, not dating anyone, or just sort of “looking for the right one.” That’s a good signal, as is “I’m tired of dating games” and the “tired of the bachelor lifestyle.” You don’t have to risk much embarrassment just by asking a simple question like “So are you dating anyone?”
2. Focus on creating a “sexy environment” so that you can really communicate and express feelings.
Regardless of whether you want to make the first move, or want him to, one thing’s for sure. An unsexy environment will usually lead to awkwardness and reluctant rejection, especially when talking about feelings.
Instead of wondering how to ask a guy if he likes you without being obvious, you need to focus on creating the right environment—no not romantic lighting and sweet music, I mean a conversation of laughing, smiling, light touching, and fun. Avoid social awkwardness and an overly formal tone by showing your best side to him. Laugh a little throaty when he says something funny. Gently touch his shoulder when he continues to entertain you. Giggle with him if he giggles first. In other words, you’re teasing him back, laughing with him, acknowledging that something exists between the two of you.
Spend quality time together. The more you interact with him and lightly flirt with him, the more confidence you give him, and that means he’s more likely to make the first move. Unless he’s very shy, he might soon feel safe enough to ask you out or express his feelings for you.
But even if he doesn’t make a move, this is the right atmosphere to create before you wonder how to ask a guy if he likes you.
3. Whatever you do, be careful not to chase him – you can ask about how he feels, but chasing is out of the question.
This is the real issue at hand. It’s not a huge deal if you ask a guy directly if he likes you (or even that you like him) but CHASING HIM is sure to push him away. Guys do not like to be chased. Chasing him is not only “desperate” it’s downright rude. This might include behaviors such as:
• Demanding attention from him or that he spend time with you
• Over-texting him
• Fawning over him, treating him like he’s perfect
• Calling him all the time
• Guilting him into talk to you
• Talking at him, rather than encouraging interaction
• Asking him to events constantly
• Calling him out on social media
• Showing up unexpectedly at his job or home
And you get the idea. The key is to be patient. Don’t assume that he’s extremely shy and needs you to move things forward. He may actually be studying you, testing you, or waiting for the right moment when HE is comfortable. Sometimes, wondering if you should ask a guy if he likes you is a sure sign that you need to take a step back and understand how approachable you are in the potential partnership.
4. Finally, ask him how he feels about you…but butter him up FIRST.
Wondering how to ask a guy if he likes you? I would advise against the “cold question” from the start. Instead, build up to the question by getting him to confide in you. Talk about his career, his hobby, his passion, family, and things going on in his life. Show him that you’re a friend that can be trusted and who actually takes an interest in his life.
NOW, after he’s learned to trust you and associate you with great and interactive conversation, you can go out on a limb and ask him if he likes you. Find a way to ask him about his feelings for you in a natural way and be prepared to share how you feel in return.
How to Ask a Guy If He Likes You: Do it With Confidence
Like I said, establishing these steps beforehand is very important. And I also feel that there’s no need to rush this process UNLESS he’s shy. Usually, guys who aren’t shy will start to guide the conversation toward dating. Sometimes you just need to give it time and be patient.
What I do recommend is that you ask him out in CONFIDENCE. Don’t be weak, don’t be afraid, and don’t come across like a little girl asking for his approval. Instead, approach him honestly and with a mature attitude.
Looking for specific questions to ask a guy to see if he likes you? You could say something like, “I sometimes sense that there’s something between us. What do you think?” Or maybe, “I like spending time with you. (He says I like spending time with you too). Reply with “Just as a friend?” and hold their eye contact strongly. Or you can go for an even more upfront proposal: “(Name)…you like me, don’t you?”
He may be a little surprised and caught off guard but since the environment is right, and since you’ve prepared him for this step by previously bonding with him, he may be more inclined to admit that there’s something between the two of you.
He may admit that he has strong feelings for you or he may just admit that there is SOMETHING and he’d like to explore it.
It is important that you mirror his own activity and level of interest. You’re not falling in love, you’re merely feeling something vague, a growing attraction. Project this interest rather than letting your feelings run away with you. I know it sometimes seems hard to do this, but trust me…the man you like will respect you more if you take things slow and prove that you have self-control, confidence, and patience in relationships.
Read more about how to ask a guy for a kiss indirectly.
Aside from what we reviewed, YES, it is time to discuss the “elephant in the room” and find out if there really is something between you and your crush! If you’re still unsure if he likes you or not, take this quiz and find out!
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If you’re ready to finally be seen and cherished by the man you choose, you may just need to just do or say one thing differently.
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Also read more about how to ask if a guy is still interested.