What Turns Guys On?

Many years ago psychologist Sigmund Freud speculated that men want two types of women: the “Madonna” or saintly wife and then the “Whore” or prostitute. The theory was that men will not be happy if they just have a good wife, nor if they have just an intense sexual relationship. They want both.

Was this theory ever debunked? Well yes and no. Obviously, Freud’s ideas came from 19th and 20th-century thinking, much of which is outdated. He believed “all men” and “all women” experienced similar conditions, when in fact now we know it’s a more individual and complex process. Sexual expression is more complicated than that, obviously.

On the other hand, many doctors today state that many men DO still seem to follow the stereotype. They are attracted to a sexual and confident feminine woman, but they also want a more generous and nurturing woman for marriage and children.

The answer to this dilemma may well be for a clever woman to give her man the best of both worlds. Be yourself, be kind and patient and a good wife. But on the other hand, when it comes to turning him on, learn what he likes. Learn what men like in general. Then, give it to him and give him slightly more sex than he can handle.

With all we know about sex and male ego today, there’s no excuse to be frigid. Here is a quick checklist of six attractive qualities that will always turn a man on. (And here’s a hint…it’s not about looks)

1. Be hot and flirty…but be challenging.

Most men will not stick around to “seduce” a woman who keeps giving negative or even platonic signals. They want a woman who flirts with them, who enjoys looking sexy, and who comes across as sexual and not so “innocent”.

When it comes to sex, however, you still have to challenge him and show him that you’re not an easy girl. You’re worth more than just a fling. You’re special and so he has to work harder to please you. But as long as you’re making it fun, he won’t mind waiting.

2. Let him chase you, don’t chase him!

Men want their ego flattered—it’s all part of the sexual experience for them. So instead of making the first move and coming across as too aggressive, instead put the naughty ideas into his head. Learn how to look at him, how to touch his arm and shoulders, and how to get him to confess his wildest thoughts to you. Better yet, make him think that you simply can’t resist him when he’s turned on because he’s such a bad boy.

3. Stand and sit closer to him.

Men will automatically be pushed into a sexual state if he’s attracted to you and if he senses you’re invading his space. So if you do like a guy, make more of an effort to stand or sit closer to him and watch him squirm and struggle to remain calm.

4. Be turned on and let him know!

One of the best ways to turn a man on is to beat him to the punch and show him that you’re turned on before he makes a move. When he notices (and yeah he definitely notices) he will make the first move—even if he was doubting before. When he sees clear signs that you’re physically and emotionally aroused he will instantly feel attracted and want to help “provide” for you in that way, if you get my drift!

Don’t be too subtle now. After all, most guys aren’t accustomed to “subtle” with all the movies, music and books they’ve been partying with. Remember these physical signs:

• Intense eye contact
• A coy smile
• Lip biting
• More sexually suggestive conversation
• Touching more often
• Compliments
• Higher tone of voice and slower pace when you laugh or speak
• Faster rate of breathing

5. Once you are intimate and he does feel a strong emotional connection, then it’s time to be more assertive.

Although men do like to make the first move, whatever happens next is up to you—and you should run with it. Surveys and studies show that most men fantasize about an assertive woman in bed. Someone who takes what she wants and knows exactly what she wants, in turns of foreplay.

No wonder then that some of men’s top fantasies include sexually uninhibited women, like porn stars, prostitutes, strippers, dommes and other dominant female types who can basically “guide” the man through the process.

Show him, now that he’s opened a Pandora’s Box, that he better be ready to handle you! This is what men love…the feeling of losing control and surrendering to his Very Bad impulses.

6. Surprise him and exceed his fantasy expectations.

The fact is, most women surrender to the man when it’s time for sex…and not surprisingly, the guy is disappointed. Sure, she’s giving him everything he wants. But there’s no mystery, no romance, no feeling of spontaneity or dare we say danger! When it’s time to seduce a man, be creative and make an effort to surprise him. Do something unexpected and even uncharacteristic for you.

Surprise him with sexy lingerie, or sex in a (safe) public place, or a surprise strip show, or a taboo fantasy roleplay with costume. Believe me, just a little bit of effort goes a long way since very few women actually think about “presentation” when it comes to intimacy.

When he does kiss you, or touches you, respond to his affection in a more passionate way. Encourage him to keep going, letting him know he has permission and that you’re very turned on. A soft little “hum”, or a sigh, or stroking your hand through your hair are great ways to evoke more passion.

You don’t have to be one or the other—a bad girl or a nice girl. Be both. Fulfill his longing for sex and ego-enhancement by giving him his bedroom fantasies and being an enthusiastic lover. Then, remind him of just how sane and safe you are by returning to the good-hearted, confident and busy woman he first fell for.

He will be like putty in your hands!

About The Author

Matthew Coast

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