How To Start a Conversation On Tinder

Tinder is the best and worst thing to happen to dating since Craigslist! Like Craigslist, you certainly see the best and worst of humanity on Tinder. Swipe right or swipe left and you’re treated to hundreds of local profiles, each person looking for something different, each person with his/her own style. And some of these styles are, of course, very lacking!

Some of the men you meet on Tinder are rude, some are dopey, and some are just plain incomprehensible. Some of these guys never even get pass the “Good Photo” stage. But every so often, you meet someone who submits a decent photo and who has a well written profile.

Uh oh now the pressure is on! You kind of like him and yet you have no idea what to say. He may have started the conversation, or maybe he’s waiting for you to start one. He may even be expecting you to impress him…after all, he did invest some time in creating a good profile and taking a good photo.

You don’t want to do all the talking, but you do want to make it easy on him and get those sparks flying ASAP. Remember these six pointers when making chitchat.

1. Men who put forth effort to impress you with a unique message will expect an enthusiastic follow up.

Strange but true: the vast majority of Tinder guys either send no message or send a boring plain message consisting of one word or one clichéd sentence. (“How was your day?”) So guys who send a creative message and have a good profile deserve a good pat on the back.

The problem is that some women don’t try very hard to keep the conversation going. They reply with one word answers, rather than contributing to a flirty and lively conversation. This makes it more difficult for men to carry a conversation.

Just remember if the start of the conversation is boring, the rest of the conversation stays the same way. If his first remark is something interesting then follow that up and show him you want to make this a fun first cyber date.

2. When in doubt, talk about his profile.

Review your Tinder match’s profile and then get a feel for who he is, what his style is like, and what he likes to talk about. If he’s trying his best, but isn’t quite reaching that level of When Harry Met Sally… banter, mention something about his profile. Did he list any hobbies? Sports teams? An interesting career or talent? By tailoring the conversation to a more personal discussion of him, you will get him excited about the conversation. Eventually, he will ask about you and your life. That’s when you can be all mysterious and keep him guessing.

3. Make him feel something with an evocative comment.

Boring conversation is characterized by one thing: a lack of emotion, a lack of personal attachment to anything being said. In contrast, exciting conversation is defined by things that give us BIG reactions. A big laugh. A surprising revelation. A compliment that’s completely unique. Positive emotions mean a more interesting conversation.

4. Use his name at a peak in the conversation.

Speaking someone’s name is emotionally powerful. It builds rapport, it shows personal attention, and a desire to become something more than just an anonymous user or a anonymous body, aka a “hookup”. It turns a stranger into an acquaintance, and then an acquaintance into a friend. Don’t over-use it, but try to use it when your next sentence is particularly funny, poignant or surprising.

5. Start positive associations immediately!

If you can’t pull some emotion out of the guy at least start the conversation with interesting visuals. Favorite foods, fun things to do, talking about beautiful sights around the world. Sentences that convey positive feelings in all five senses work well to put your Tinder date in a good mood. Delicious food, hair raising roller coaster, that amazing song, smells like flowers, beautiful sunset. If you want to tell a story or describe something for your Tinder date, focus on positive imagery.

6. Put the emphasis on him, not yourself. Learn the art of teasing, not interviewing.

Too many women on Tinder make the mistake of talking about themselves, figuring this is what the guy wants. He wants to know more about you, so here it is! Right?

Wrong. That’s not what guys actually want. Guys want to be intrigued. They like the mystery. They want to chase you and they want to ask the questions and get the answers. They want to show off, make you laugh and entertain you.

The best way to make the conversation sizzle is to focus on HIM as the center of attention and get information out of him. Then, once he starts sharing with you the basics of his personal life (since he won’t share too much in the beginning) it’s time to start gently teasing him.

Teasing your Tinder date is a more fun way of learning about each other. It’s preferable to the boring Interview style Q&A. Making jokes and saying funny things keeps things roller. Just watch an episode of Jimmy Kimmel or Jimmy Fallon (or you know, any of the 10 other Jimmys in late night TV) and see how they’ve perfected the art of teasing their guests but not insulting them.

Your goal is not to laugh at the person but to laugh with them. This “safe” conversation needs a little joy, hilarity and a touch of the absurd.

Tinder would work better for everyone if we could just remind boys and girls of two very simple rules.

Guys, try a little harder. And girls, encourage guys you like to keep chasing you and to keep trying a little harder to make you smile. The more positive interactions, the more of a connection you feel. And that’s what Tinder is all about—finding that emotional connection that sparks between two interesting people.

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Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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