One of the most common bits of advice you hear for women trying to find men is “Play hard to get.”
By nature, supposedly, men can’t resist it when women ignore them, disdain them, or give them the silent treatment.
Now realizing that the psychology of dating is complex, I can’t say this is entirely true or altogether false. There are shades of grey to consider. What I thought I’d do is break this topic down to two related discussions. That is, when the silent treatment works and when it doesn’t work.
In some cases it will work, and in other cases, it might actually backfire in a big way.
When Silence Works
1. Silence works if it gives a man a healthy fear that he might lose you.
If a man likes you, then giving him the silent treatment will freak him out. Even more so if he knows, deep down, that he’s hurt you or disappointed you. His guilt will eventually get to him and he will initiate contact.
Silence actually speaks volumes about how a person feels. Not replying is “loud.” Seeing a message but taking time to think says a great deal. And resisting the urge to comfort a guy, leaving a simple “OK” or “Haha yeah” is perplexing to a man who is used to controlling the conversation.
2. Silence works if it makes him think about what a great thing he has.
Silence is especially effective when it gives a man some time to reflect on the value of this relationship. You give him the gift of missing you. You remind him that all of this is not to be taken for granted. You have expectations and requirements and no relationship is “free” or unconditional.
Being silent will help tremendously if a man is backing away or feeling too smothered by affection. In essence, you let him know that he is free to have his space…and free to leave, if that’s what he wants. You won’t beg him for attention because you know your value and have self-respect.
3. Silence works if it creates confusion and intrigue.
If you can sense that a guy is just playing mind games or flirting mindlessly then silence is the ultimate “play”. You’re not going to give him what he wants or fall into the trap he sets for you. Instead, you leave him in a state of confusion. Chances are, he will be the one “played” then, not quite understanding how you won this war of wit – simple by not responding.
4. Silence works if it disrupts his routine.
Silence works if it confuses him and takes him out of the established routine. This might be necessary if you sense that he is losing enthusiasm for your conversations, or even backing away from too much affection. In this sense, silence says, “Fine…I am following your lead and giving you more independence and less affection and concern.”
At this point, many men will change their mind, having been shocked at the sudden change in mood. In essence, they realize that they don’t want more independence and they don’t want less affection. By changing the routine you send a message, saying that every action gets a reaction.
If he changes, you change. The situation changes. This will get his attention and more often than not, he stops taking you for granted.
When Silence Doesn’t Work
1. Silence won’t work if you’re giving him the cold shoulder.
Silence won’t work if he hasn’t invested much in you. Women who play too “hard to get” in the beginning, and reject guys or insult them, usually don’t earn the respect of men. A few guys like the challenge, I guess, but most guys don’t.
It’s hard enough for a guy to work up the courage to talk to someone he likes and come up with an interesting thing to say, than worry about a vicious rejection. Silence too early on in the relationship might actually scare him away.
2. Silence won’t work if you haven’t impressed him.
By the same logic, guys will not be eager to chase you, if there hasn’t been much in the way of emotional engagement. Even more to the point, guys want to sense there is something special about you, some value that you have that no one else has.
That’s not always a quality of success or beauty. Usually, it’s the “something else”. It’s the way you take an interest in him. It’s your unique talents or your one-of-a-kind personality. If you never show him a side to you that’s special, silence will only make sure he forgets.
3. Silence won’t work if you’re waiting for him to get the hint.
Most wives can vouch for this. When a woman pouts and waits and taps her foot waiting for her husband to get the hint…well, she’s waiting for a long time!
Guys are not always subtle. In fact, most other human beings are oblivious as to what we’re trying to say or what we’re implying. Relationships work out much better when both partners try to say what they mean and stop with all the implied meanings.
4. Silence won’t work if he feels taken for granted.
Finally, remember that every man has a threshold for punishment, even the one you think will adore you forever. Love is usually conditional. He wants to be there for you and make you happy, but he expects certain things; like respect, kindness, and trust.
But negative experiences, like cheating, verbal abuse, lack of sympathy or emotional distance can add up over time. Once he realizes that he has been taken for granted and that you don’t appreciate the effort he puts forth, he might change drastically in his behavior.
He might decide that he has tried hard enough. And when he reaches that point of no return, silence will not stop him from leaving. This is why it’s very important to make sure your relationship is mostly built from positive and loving experiences.
In conclusion, remember that silence works when he’s already deeply fallen for you. The silent treatment works when it’s what the guy wants. Sometimes a man wants to be left alone. Sometimes he’s actually asking you, without words, you back off. Being receptive to his signals is the best way to give him the relationship he wants and to give him the space he needs to work out what he wants.
When you give him the silent treatment, assuming he’s already very much into you, it is an effective technique to inspire him to try harder. That’s what you want, but when he does exert himself, reward him with your attention. You will find that a man likes a challenge sometimes but truly craves and desires a woman who is faithful to him and attune to what he’s feeling.
The 5 Word Phrase That Destroys a Man’s Love For You And Drives Him Out Of Your Life
There’s a simple 5 word phrase that will destroy any man’s love for you and drive him out of your life completely…
It usually comes out as an honest question when you want to connect with him…
But only serves to push him away and slowly kill your relationship from the inside out…
It can take a man who is filled with love and passion for you…
And make him feel cold, distant, and uninterested…
Have you figured out what it is yet?
Many women send this as a text message when they’re feeling insecure…
And then are confused why he suddenly pulls away and disappears completely…
Most of the women who ask it don’t even know how harmful it is…
Yet it can take a relationship that seems like it’s perfect…
A relationship where you feel loved, cared for, and like you’ve finally found “the one”…
And overnight, it can tear that relationship apart…
Leaving you confused, frustrated, and heartbroken…
If you don’t know what this simple yet seemingly innocent question is…
I want you to stop what you’re doing and go watch this video presentation that I put together for you at the link below…
Click here to watch the video now <<
My name is Matthew Coast and I’ve been teaching in the dating industry on since 2005…
I’ve helped hundreds of thousands of women, all over the world…
Get into relationships where they feel loved, seen, and cherished by the men they’re with…
When you click the link this link right here <<
I show you what this 5 word phrase is…
I’ll teach you about why men pull away, how to stop it from happening…
And how to attract the man you want…
Into a relationship where you’re loved and adored and treated like a priority…
No matter how painful things have been in your past…
You can attract a great man and have a great relationship…
Just click the link on your screen and the watch the video right now…
If you’re struggling with men pulling away from you…
If you’re tired of giving everything to a relationship and only being taken for granted…
And if you’re ready to have a man see you as a woman that he wants to be with forever…
I need your help, my guy is refusing to talk to me since yesterday and not replying to my text. . Does he mean he is backing off or what?
That is cruel and abusive as well as passive aggressive behavior. Do Not pursue him at all!