How can this be? How could you possibly leave someone you love? Isn’t the love you have for a person the only thing that matters? Following your heart means everything.
Or so you often think, until you experience the pain of a relationship in turmoil. It’s devastating to love someone that also drives you mad. You may feel addicted to love and to the pain. You may even feel like a nervous wreck, torn in between grief and passion.
You love him but you can’t stand him! Your conscience is divided about what to do. On one hand, you could stay and try to be patient. But you may also fantasize about getting away breaking up with your partner and being free of the conflict.
At what point is it time to break up with your partner and end the relationship that started with so much potential? There are eight signs to look for that can help you sort out how you feel.
1. You no longer trust each other.
Though you one enjoyed honesty, trust, and intimacy with each other all of that has run dry by now. You don’t trust him, his fidelity, his love for you, any of it. You know he cares about more winning than he does about your well-being. If any relationship reaches the point of a total lack of trust, there is no emotional intimacy left.
2. The relationship is completely one-sided.
Either he does everything for you or you do everything for him.
Relationships will only last if both partners give equal time and effort to making it work. Lopsided relationships usually don’t last because, at some point, the harder-working partner eventually has enough. They learn that their love is being taken for granted.
They become tired of carrying the whole relationship on their shoulders. There is always a breaking point. If your partner contributes very little while you break your back trying every day, then the situation is hopeless.
3. You break up just as often as you get back together.
Simply put, you are always fighting. Whereas most couples in love avoid fighting because they are evenly matched, mismatched couples live and breathe conflict. You’re always upset because there is perpetual combat and it really does grey your hair, as far as stress goes.
If this conflict has actually broken the two of you up before, but you somehow got back together…and then broke up again…rest assured, this is not what true love feels like.
4. You’re no longer the same people as when you first got together.
People do change over time. Sadly, not all of these changes are “micro” so to speak. Some couples “macro” change…to the point where they become different people. New goals, new aims, new desires and values that their partner never understands.
Sometimes couples can stay friends after a mutual breakup but not always. If you realize that you have literally nothing in common except conflict and shared memories, it’s time to admit you’ve grown apart.
5. He abuses you.
You’re may not be sure if it’s technically abuse but if you react in fear and grief to his outbursts then it’s all the same. If he has physically or verbally abused you (or gaslighted you, which is a form of abuse) then it’s highly unlikely he will ever change. He will continue to abuse you until you lose your sanity or he dumps you anyway – that’s the cycle.
When you understand your worth as a person and as an attractive woman worthy of love, you outgrow these mind games. You reject your bully’s treatment of you, realizing that it’s never okay to take advantage of a person.
6. You’re never happy and you no longer even like yourself.
The only way to gauge if a relationship is healthy and loving is by how happy you are. If you’re never happy and you are always doubting yourself, then your partner has not treated you well. It’s time to work on your self-esteem away from the person who’s hurting you.
7. You have needs that haven’t been met in years!
A doomed relationship will never fulfill your needs. You may have multiple “needs” that need attention (love, sex, communication, intimacy, career, friendships, etc.), and that he never bothers to address. If months or even years go by and you get nothing, that’s probably how things will stay.
8. Family and friends are outspokenly critical of the relationship.
Sometimes people we love can see things that we don’t see. If this relationship has become toxic your friends and family are usually the first to see it. They see the change that has taken place, as you’ve gone from happy and fawning to nervous and constantly stressed.
Of course, most of these fine people don’t want to tell you their negative impressions. If they see that you’re in love, they don’t want to second-guess you. But hearing that you are having doubts may push them to tell the truth.
When in doubt, ask your loved ones about your partner and the relationship and ask for honesty. Chances are they will tell you the truth – if you can handle it.
Conclusion
Perhaps you never truly learn to love until you’ve suffered through an intense but dysfunctional relationship. As we mature, we begin to learn that although the heart wants what it wants, happy endings are not always possible in the real world. Sometimes there are huge differences between two people that cannot be reconciled.
If it ever gets to the point where you feel that this relationship is destroying you and you don’t know if you can survive another year…
Just remember that “this” (right now, this moment) is the best it will ever be. Does that thought scare you? If it does, then it’s probably because you know it’s time to break up. It’s time to regroup and work on yourself, not to chase after a man who doesn’t have your best interests at heart.
Start building a better relationship, one where you feel valued and happy, and stop living in the past. This is the only way to heal from a broken heart.
The #1 Thing That Prevents You From Getting Over a Man And Moving On…
After working with hundreds of thousands of women in their dating and relationship lives, helping women get out of toxic situations and move on to healthy relationships where they’re loved and cherished…
I’ve determined that there’s one difference between women who feel strong, happy, and whole after a breakup and women who can’t seem to move on no matter how hard they try.
It’s something that I now called, “Stuck On Your Ex Syndrome”…
And it determines how quickly you move on from a man or whether you stay stuck on him for weeks, months, or even years.
Click here to learn more about it <<
There are 5 mistakes that you can make that prevent you from getting over a guy and give you Stuck On Your Ex Syndrome.
And if you want to get over a guy and get over him fast, you need to make sure you’re not making any of these 5 mistakes.
Click here to discover the mistakes <<
Talk soon,
Matthew Coast
P.S. I helped a woman who was still stuck on her ex after 7 years of being apart from him…
She even married a new man but couldn’t get over her ex from years ago.
I helped her let go of him in just under a week and a half.
You CAN let go of a man if he isn’t right for you.
How can u get over all this eight signs if u r pregnant for that person
I feel for you yatta
I really hope it works out for you and baby
Yatta your self respect and love of yourself must come before anyone and that is an act for your baby too now, not just yourself.
Much love and strength to you x
Staying together or the sake of children hurts them in the long run.
Leaving and co-parenting in a respectful and showing your children you love yourself is smarter.
Pregnancy is the result of a physical act. It has nothing to do with happiness, love, trust, commitment or relationships. Case in point, you can get pregnant from rape, would you want to get into a relationship with the rapist? So use the same reasoning.
Comment *nice
Yes I need to tell him that we are through. he has told me can’t be together cause of religious beliefs so I’ve got to go on with my life I’ve met another man and he is so sweet to me.so how do I tell him to get out of my life .i don’t play games.
Say goodbye. It was nice knowing you. You owe him no more.
This is a very good and true
Your age does not matter. When you no longer feel valued (for any reason) in a relationship and are being “used”, do yourself and him a favor by ending the relationship. The dissatisfaction on both sides continues to grow and the pain of the memory of love you once had tends to seduce you into thinking things will be OK again. No, it will not go back to the “fresh newness and excitement” you once had. The trust is gone so cut the ties and begin again when you have sufficiently grieved the loss of that relationship. When you look back on it, you will remember the good times but will recognize how miserable you were as the love began to fade. At that time you will know you made the correct choice by leaving.
Wow this was very good. These 8 signs validated my marital issues. I know it’s over he says I need to leave the past there and just move on with HIM because he really wants to work on our marriage now. After 7-8 years of not doing a damn thing I just became emotionally and physically drained in Aug. 2020 I let him know I knew about his secrets and I’m done well suddenly he looks distraught and wants to work it out after giving no attention to our marriage for years. he swears he has had no affairs on me but idk. I just want to be happy again
Same situation here
Marriage is a commitment. Love is a choice. Give it all you got before you give it up. Leaving is better than staying stuck, but if he is finally willing to try to work it out, give it a shot. If you did end up parting ways, you could do so with a clear conscience knowing you gave it all you had. You will have to be able to focus on each other’s positive aspects, learn from the past, and fill each day with appreciation for life. You have to be able to love yourself first to be able to ask for what you want and need, hold each other up to agreed-upon standards–otherwise you will end up feeling resentful. You can be happy again, but it can’t depend on him. Happiness is in the journey, here and now, in you, if you so choose. Heart-centered decisions will lead you where you need to go.
Hi in my relationship he isn’t the problem I think I am I’ve always had depression and low self esteem issues he’s always tried to help but when he does I always feel worse I’ve told him so we went to couples therapy and it still wasn’t working
Am I in the wrong or him or neither
I need help
My husband has never on his own told me I’m beautiful or even pretty. I have to “dress” for sex. We have no intimacy besides sex. If I’m crying, he’ll walk right past me and not say a word. We never go out to do anything but grocery shop.
You’re in a relationship with a narcissist.. it’s all about him all the time.. it’s not healthy for you.. I went through this myself. And now I prefer to be alone ❣️ I’m totally happy to be by myself then I’m being a relationship with a jerk.
Time to go! He is no good for you. Classic narcist. Time for you time & if you choose to date again. I wish you the best. Read everything Mathew Coast has. He is also on YouTube & Facebook. I feel better knowing I am making the right decision leaving my husband as well.
I’m feeling much like a bird in a gilded cage. After being in a relationship with my sons father(married for nearly 8 years), I am fighting to be the person I know I really am. My marriage (2nd) I add, came off the back of a divorce from my first husband and a situationship with another man, my best friend. My husband is 25 years older than me, never really shows affection unless he wants sex, and I’m lonely, he can’t give me what I need. I’m actually fighting feelings I have for my best friend, the guy who I have a situation with. To the outside I look and act OK but in truth I’m in turmoil. I’m married yet again and find myself in love with my best friend who has feelings for me too. It’s horrible, I can’t break free because all my net worth is tied up with my husband, I don’t have collateral, the house is housing association and he is refusing to admit there is anything wrong. I can’t go on much longer like this, my son takes his father’s side and I also have a noose of my mum who is 80 and not in good health round my neck. Sometimes I feel helpless as the other guy is in a fairly similar position to myself. I really need help.
I’m currently in a toxic relationship but he has told me many times in the past year if I ever try to leave him he will find me. He said her will never allow anyone else to be with me. I have even thought about trying to relocate to another state.
U should consider that abuse and a threat. Get out now before things escalate
Get the heck out. My first marriage was like this. Get with someone & stay with them. Get restraining order. Get you some pepper spray & other means of protection. Mine was a stalker too. I am alive. Don’t be afraid anymore.
ROBIN,
GET. OUT. NOW. Threats like that NEVER end well and I don’t want to see you hurt or ruin your life bc you had to defend yourself. But you shouldn’t have to move either. Unless you just want a new start. I’m from NC, it’s beautiful. We have the beach on the east coast with the Outer Banks. Then on the west we have beautiful mountains. They are like straight out of a Hallmark movie. But I’ve also lived in Nashville which is amazing in every way! Just expensive. But there are so many different kinds of people to meet. And I swear 99% of them are so kind and sweet. I’ve lived in Columbus, GA which I wouldn’t necessarily recommend but GA in general in a great state. Atlanta is beautiful and so many new people to meet. Nashville and Atlanta are not big cities so it would be hard to find you there unless those are where you live. My sister loves Ohio and Washington and Oregon. Just gets cold lol.
Or you can go the route where you take your life back, call the police. Record every phone call between y’all. Every conversation you have. You document everything! Trust me this will help in court! Get a lawyer. Do your research on them first. Meet with them and see what they would do. Have his ass thrown in jail for communicating threats. And if he’s threatening to kill you and you have that on me he could go away for a long time. And definitely get a restraining order. Take proof where’s he threatening you and maybe they can give you some proof and protect you or maybe just law law serving him will scare him enough bc he never thought you would. & move out. File a legal separation. You may even bc of the circumstances get a divorce faster. Just thinking about these things and contact a lawyer. Don’t wait. I’ve seen too many of these things end up really bad bc the man lies and begs his wife it will never happen again or he finds her bc she didn’t contact a lawyer she just left. I will be praying for you!
I absolutely love your advice and needed to hear that…thank you
What is the purpose of him just leaving every time we have a small disagreement?
I’m at a crossroads in this relationship. We both still love each other and still are committed to trying to work things out. I’m still having difficulty trusting him after a “thing” he had with a woman when he went on vacation in 2019. I’ve tried so hard to move past it and forgive him but every time something changes I go back to thinking he’s cheating again. We’re both exhausted from fights and disagreements. He says he’s uncomfortable. I’m just tired along with dealing with depression and anxiety. Idk where to turn at this point. The thought of breaking it off often comes to mind but honestly I can’t see myself with anyone else.
Barbara It seems like I have the same situation Though its our 23rd together anniversary today. ,I wasn’t sure if we were gonna make it to this one! However we are going on our what 19 years marriage ! , I ALSO FEEL AT A CROSSROAD !! BECAUSE I TOO START THINKING OF THE TIME WEVE MET HOW IN THE BEGGINNNG it was so NICE! Now he says things. He don’t or doesn’t trust me. I’ve never gave him the means to even think that or as to why EXCEPT THAT HAS HIS HIDDEN SECRETS OR DISHONEST FEELINGS
Matthew. I need your advice. I have been talking via text to a very successful Dr who claims he is in Russia. We started off casual and it was fun. We have developed strong feelings and heaven proposed to me. The problem is that I’m seeing photos of this same man with pictures that have current dates and times and it is showing him in Rome currently. I sent him those pics and asked how you could be in two different places at the same time. And he said that is a fake fan page. He insists that he is the real thing. He is ready to come home now and he wants me to buy him an airline ticket and a,so to have a package delivered to my home address via a person. I am so confused. Can you please give me some advise
Run, run, run!! This is fake as! This man is using you to get money – please don’t fall for it. Who has ‘another’ fake page, but then also one that is ‘genuine’ where he expects you to trust him but then pay for an airline ticket??. Please do not spend any money on this man. Far too many red flags! And if he is a successful doctor he should have money (and pride(!) enough to buy his own ticket! Wake up and think logically!
I was talking to a guy who was surpose to be a Dr working in Syria. He had two sons staying with there teacher in Germany. When I traced his phone it showed up as if he were in England. We talked for months and then he started asking me for money. When he told me that he wanted to send me some gold that he would come to the states to retrieve I quickly stopped taking to him and deleted all his information. Never heard from him again.
Okay I started messing with this feller about a month ago and I have caught feelings for him and I think it’s too soon and he’s telling me he don’t want a relationship he don’t even notice me until he’s ready what should I do. And I did tell him that I got feelings for him and now I’m just really stuck because it’s really hard
Thank you for your advice. Very helpful. I highly recommend it.
Yes, very true. In a gist – peace within and freedom- are just soo valuable! Please get the respect back to yourself because you deserve it!