You can always tell when a long-distance relationship starts to sink, slowly, day by day, and the dynamic changes. What was once intense and spontaneous now feels like a chore, like reporting for duty, or like something you constantly have to keep “alive” – like a plant, so it doesn’t die.
But at that point, you’re already going downhill. You’ve lost the joy in the relationship. You’re trying to correct the relationship rather than appreciating it for what it is.
That’s the problem – the change in dynamic happens because you lose focus of what started the relationship. Relationships should progress naturally, because you follow your instincts, and remain calm and goal-oriented.
Relationships stall when you’re either not sure how to date this person, or because you’re not sure what the future holds.
That said, let’s consider how we can save long distance relationships in a more effective manner. It’s not about correction or obligation, but about readjusting priorities.
1. Use your alone time as an opportunity to pursue your independent projects.
One of the toughest challenges will be surviving the time apart, as days turn into weeks. But rather than view it as a constant struggle, use this opportunity to grow independently. A strong marriage is made up of two strong independent personalities, who are content to live and thrive on their own.
The weaker one partner is, the more the marriage is taxed and one partner feels the burden. Finding yourself as an individual, while also maintaining a long-distance relationship with your true love, is a great way to spend that down time. How about finding a hobby or finishing a project you’ve left on the backburner, before you get married, and have the time to do it?
2. Set some rules down to prevent misunderstandings.
While you don’t want to create a lot of “rules”, it is a good idea to set expectations in the beginning. Don’t take for granted anything, but talk openly and honestly about what you NEED from him, and what he needs from you. Not some day or later, but now, even through an online and phone relationship.
If you both set realistic expectations and get exactly what you need from each other, you’ll avoid misunderstandings and disappointments that sometimes come from promising too much.
3. Be regular in conversation, but try to be creative.
Yes, you can’t go too long without touching base and talking for a while. You can’t stay close with casual messages or brief phone calls. You do have to keep things close and intimate, even if it’s with a voice or webcam connection.
However, rather than exhausting the same old conversations all the time, try to approach things creatively. Make a game out of your together time. Play games, or ask playful and funny questions. Have virtual dates where you have dinner together and then some drinks. Play truth or dare, or some other word game. Watch new movies together and describe what you think in real time.
You see, it’s not about forcing conversation, but finding ways to enjoy that time.
4. Don’t leave sex to the imagination.
If you’re in a committed and passionate relationship, there’s no need to “wait” for physical intimacy – at least virtually speaking. If you’re always feeling amorous and yet have no outlet to release that desire, it could cause problems when you’re around other friends and acquaintances.
On the other hand, you and your LDR partner could arrange some kind of virtual sex arrangement, just to keep the fires going, while you wait out the rest of the year. It’s better to have some virtual intimacy than none at all. After all, if you fuel your fantasies of someday being together in person, you will make that a goal and it will become even more real to you as time goes on.
5. Treat this like a “real” relationship and be considerate.
It’s OK to have rules, and it’s OK to maintain high standards even when you’re apart. If you’re in a real relationship, even if it’s virtual, then there should be some standards in place. As in, knowing each other’s schedule, knowing what’s going on in each other’s lives, and that sort of thing.
Going days without communicating, holding back secrets, and pretending as if you’re single – when your partner believes you’re dating exclusively – these are all a recipe for disaster. If you don’t have any rules or standards, no real evidence of commitment, how serious can the relationship be?
Some long-distance relationship couples may even decide not to take certain risks – like partying too late at night or dating other people just for fun – because they value their relationship and don’t want to make a mistake in the heat of the moment. This is wise, and will go a long way in building mutual respect.
6. Work towards a common goal together.
You must stay motivated in a relationship and motivation is all about accomplishing a goal, or usually, a series of related goals. Don’t keep them too small, although small weekly goals would be a nice touch.
But think bigger goals. Like aiming to meet in person a couple times a year, if possible. Or to write letters in the mail to each other. Or to meet each other’s family members. In the long-term, maybe you both talk about getting married, or moving in together, or taking a vacation in another country.
These are all worthy goals and you should set them every year, with enthusiasm and a plan to accomplish each one. It will not only draw you closer together, but it will really help you both achieve things you never thought possible.
As you can see, saving your long distance relationship should be about reinforcing the positive feelings and avoiding the negativity that drags relationships down. It’s time to find the joy in each other and concentrate on the things you do have in common.
Focus more time on positive interactions and less time trying to fix things, or eliminate the obstacles that keep you apart. For now, what matters is that you keep the conversation going. You keep maintaining and growing the relationship.
You are laying down a foundation of trust that will eventually keep the relationship strong, even if and when new obstacles appear. The interchange of ideas, feelings, and mutual respect will save your relationship in the end.
Make His Heart Crave You Even If You’re Far Away
Let’s face it, most long distance relationships are hard… and most of them don’t even last 5 months.
What if the distance could actually make you feel closer together?
What if you could make him miss and crave you, even when you’re far apart?
Most women actually push a man further away in a long distance relationship when they want to make him come closer.
There’s one thing you need to do to be different… to make your relationship last… to make this situation bring you closer together… to make him value and crave you, even if he’s far apart from you.
Want to know what it is?
P.S. If you want to make his heart crave you, no matter how far away you are from him… do this…