Are you like me? Do you sometimes think back to old relationships, or even old crushes, and wonder if the right one got away? In other words, did you make a mistake? Did you really lose the best thing that ever happened to you because you made mistakes or felt scared?
Let me put your mind at ease. I really believe most of the time, the answer is a resounding no.
I really do think when you find love, you do chase after it. You do try harder than average. And usually, if you find the perfect (or nearly perfect guy) you keep him close to your heart. You stay friends, even if romance doesn’t work out for the time being.
I think what does happen quite often though is that we convince ourselves that we’re in love, when in fact we’re stuck in a dysfunctional and fantasy-based relationship that’s actually making us miserable. We’re confusing incompatibility for obstacles to overcome. We’re confusing our desires, our own journey of self-discovery, with the life of another person.
To illustrate, let’s talk about a relationship that’s not based on love, but is based purely on lust, obsession, and dysfunction. I’m going to list ten signs that are the opposite of love and the opposite of actually connecting with someone.
If these signs were present in that old relationship, then it’s likely that you were never in love, but thought this is what love felt like.
1. You never actually dated or only dated for a short period of time.
This is definitely not love, because connecting with someone requires physical interaction, romantic framing, and some investment of time and effort. Just because you developed feelings for someone, or even if you slept with a guy, doesn’t actually mean you bonded with another person. Lustful feelings don’t make a lot of sense. They lie to you. On the other hand, love is long-lasting and can easily go on for months or years of a consistent relationship.
2. You seem more interested in the idea of him, or what he can do for you, rather than loving the person he is inside.
If most of your thoughts about him are centered on sex, money, or simply the idea of getting entangled in his complicated life, it’s very likely that you’re stuck on the image of him, rather than actually knowing the person. Men want to be respected for their “image”, but actually want to find a woman who appreciates their inner-self, their personality beyond the surface. On the other hand, love usually starts after getting to know the “real him” through long conversations.
3. The “challenge” is far more interesting than the reward.
Both men and women are naturally competitive and so sure, the idea of a challenge is fascinating. The idea of seducing someone “above you”, or opposite of you, or even someone who doesn’t like you that much, can be very tempting. We all want to succeed, we want to accomplish great things. It gives us pride, adrenaline, all sorts of good feelings.
The problem is, this is another fantasy-based relationship, where we’re only chasing an idea, something ego-gratifying, something about ourselves, and not actually working for the relationship. It’s actually quite common, and very sad, that some people will work so hard to get their crush to like them. And when they finally do get together, the “seductive” one goes, “Oh wow…did I really want this? Now that I got him, am I really happy?” It’s a terrible thing to do to a person.
4. Most of the relationship is characterized by stress.
While there are some good moments (passion, strong emotion, beautiful speeches) unfortunately, most of the relationship was characterized by arguing, yelling, screaming, hurting each other, cheating, disrespect, and so on. In other words, it was stressful. There were good moments, sure, but when you weigh the good and the bad, there was far more stress and conflict than there should have been. That is not what real love feels like or lives like. Real love is about producing positive emotions in both partners and minimizing conflict.
5. You never really saw a future with each other
Even though you wanted to believe in each other, and wanted to keep the love strong, something was always bleak about the future. You had different goals, you had different takes on life. You couldn’t even see yourself with the other person, not realistically. Would he have changed his whole life for you? Would you have dropped everything important in your life and moved in with him…and would that have been healthy to do? It is possible to deeply care about someone and yet not actually love them. Because there’s no way to make this great “idea” of a relationship into a reality.
6. You never really knew his family, nor did he try to befriend yours.
Relationships are all about real world experiences and yes, part of that is how family welcomes your significant other into their lives. It’s about how much we invest in each other, not just emotionally but physically and materially. It’s not surprising then, that as you look back on old exes and failed relationships, that the ones that weren’t right for you never actually became close with your family.
When you truly love someone, beyond just what he does for you, you enjoy meeting his family. You want to know where he comes from, his childhood, his family, why he is the way he is. If it’s all about sex, or more specifically, what you both “get” from each other, rather than giving to a person you truly love, then family is secondary.
You will know how much you really meant to him, by how much he values your family and your life.
Love is all about producing good feelings and helping you become the best person you can be. Relationships that are stressful, constantly struggling, or that feel impossible to fix – regardless of how much you you want it to work – are dysfunctional. They are the opposite of love. As you move forward in life it’s so important to put the past behind you. Keep reading this blog and we can discuss ways on how to do that.
The 5 Word Phrase That Destroys a Man’s Love For You And Drives Him Out Of Your Life
There’s a simple 5 word phrase that will destroy any man’s love for you and drive him out of your life completely…
It usually comes out as an honest question when you want to connect with him…
But only serves to push him away and slowly kill your relationship from the inside out…
It can take a man who is filled with love and passion for you…
And make him feel cold, distant, and uninterested…
Have you figured out what it is yet?
Many women send this as a text message when they’re feeling insecure…
And then are confused why he suddenly pulls away and disappears completely…
Most of the women who ask it don’t even know how harmful it is…
Yet it can take a relationship that seems like it’s perfect…
A relationship where you feel loved, cared for, and like you’ve finally found “the one”…
And overnight, it can tear that relationship apart…
Leaving you confused, frustrated, and heartbroken…
If you don’t know what this simple yet seemingly innocent question is…
I want you to stop what you’re doing and go watch this video presentation that I put together for you at the link below…
Click here to watch the video now <<
My name is Matthew Coast and I’ve been teaching in the dating industry on since 2005…
I’ve helped hundreds of thousands of women, all over the world…
Get into relationships where they feel loved, seen, and cherished by the men they’re with…
When you click the link this link right here <<
I show you what this 5 word phrase is…
I’ll teach you about why men pull away, how to stop it from happening…
And how to attract the man you want…
Into a relationship where you’re loved and adored and treated like a priority…
No matter how painful things have been in your past…
You can attract a great man and have a great relationship…
Just click the link on your screen and the watch the video right now…
If you’re struggling with men pulling away from you…
If you’re tired of giving everything to a relationship and only being taken for granted…
And if you’re ready to have a man see you as a woman that he wants to be with forever…
