What Does a Casual Relationship Mean to a Guy

Whether you call a casual relationship with a guy “friends with benefits” or something “special and magical”, one thing’s for sure.

It’s a BIG RISK.

And depending on whether you’re naïve or a little jaded, this relationship is either going to be really awful or really good. What I want to do in this article is take an objective look at what FWB means.

It’s true that a lot of dating coaches will tell you to Just Say No to Friends with Benefits – because it’s a dead end. But on the other hand, I can also think of a few situations in which casual is BETTER than serious.

Let’s first discuss what casual sex means to a man.

1. It means attraction. It means scratching an itch. That’s all.

And that’s pretty much the truth of it. Now is it possible that a casual sex relationship could evolve into something serious? Well anything’s possible…it’s possible you might end up dating NBA star Shaq. But is it likely?

Based on an article from Thought Catalog, here are some of the reasons why some men prefer Friends with Benefits.

• Because they’re too busy to mess with a real relationship
• Because they don’t seem themselves here (in this location and this life) for the long-term
• Because they’re not happy with where they’re at and sex is like drinking, it’s a nice distraction
• Because they are single dads and their children are their ONLY priority
• Because they’re rebounding from a serious relationship
• They’re kind of sort of cheating with you(!)
• They’ve been hurt too much and just want no brainer sex and romance with no chance of entanglement
• Laziness
• They don’t want to be monogamous as a lifestyle

In other words, men are aware that “serious relationships” are a lot of work and very often have unhappy endings. So you could say in most of these cases, they are protecting themselves…protecting their feelings and their heart.

Of course, your natural instinct may be to help them heal and rekindle the romantic and idealistic love they once felt for somebody. But is this realistic?

2. Casual sex to a man means that you voluntarily took yourself OUT of the serious relationship category.

This is the part that hurts. Men who are dating casually may very well be interested in finding love…but it’s very rarely with you. It’s true that a lot of movies and books depict FWB relationships that blossom into love. But in the real world it’s rare.

This is because guys usually do not see casual sex relationships as emotional connections. Usually, these couplings involve sexual attraction, flirting and hopping into bed quickly. But what this pattern is missing is the emotional and intellectual bonding. By sleeping with a guy too soon, you are basically telling him, “Who you are doesn’t really matter to me…I just want the pretty face.”

It’s hard to imagine a man being interested in a woman after that kind of dynamic is exchanged. And though you may not come out and actually say those words, that’s what he feels. If you don’t bother bonding with him or getting to know him, you’re telling him that only the sex interests you.

But what about the scenario of giving him the sex he craves and THEN bonding with him in the afterglow? Does that ever work?

3. Men who sleep around casually don’t consider the afterglow as bonding – it’s a bonus.

I know this part is confusing because doesn’t a man acting all romantic and sweet towards you count for something? Once again, if all you did was flirt and have sex, then the answer is probably NO.

You bond in conversation. You bond when you talk about things close to your heart, when you share memories and opinions. In the “afterglow” stage you may experience very lovey-dovey feelings…and the oxytocin drug rush is indeed powerful.

But if there’s no emotional connection, PRE-EXISTING to sex, then it’s just a rush. It’s just a good feeling. It’s like drinking absinthe. Sorry to be crude but I do think it’s important for a woman to understand the risk of the FWB relationship. It may not work out. And you may be left heartbroken and confused, when you find out he’s met someone else that he really likes.

But what if you talk about really deep things after sex? What then?

4. Men are always comparing the women they date. Are you better than all his other opportunities?

It may be human nature to compare all the people we’re dating, regardless of gender. A man’s ultimate goal is to answer the question: of all the women I’m dating who would make me the happiest? Who would I be most interested in for the long-term?

This is where positive associations come in. It is theoretically possible that a guy could fall in love with in a casual relationship – but in order for that to happen, you would have to talk about deep emotional experiences, the things you have in common, the things that he wants in life.

It is a good sign if a man actually remembers things that you share about yourself, and that he confides in you private thoughts and “secrets” that he trusts you with.

But you have to ask yourself, “Since I’m giving him sex for free, what incentive does he have to choose me above everyone else?”

This is why women who are serious about nabbing a boyfriend and not an F-buddy usually have sex and then back off, letting him know that she is NOT going to be his casual buddy. If he really wants her, he has to invest more time in her…in romance…in emotional connection.

So is it impossible to transform a casual guy into a steady boyfriend? No, but it’s definitely a very volatile relationship that you can’t take too “casually” either.

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Talk soon,

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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