Here’s one of the worst dating misconceptions you will ever hear: “familiarity breeds contempt.”
I’m sure there are some poets that relate to that line, but frankly, it’s not applicable in dating. There is sometimes the belief – the one that says a man will eventually lose interest in a woman just because he gets bored with her or because he’s “conquered her”.
But I don’t believe it, or at least I don’t believe it’s true for the majority of men. (There are always some exceptions to the rule, of course)
But everything I know about men suggests that the REAL reason why they withdraw from a woman they like, is NOT because of familiarity and boredom, but because the woman CHANGES. She reveals herself to be someone he was not attracted to.
It happens all the time in relationships and it’s not a male-centric thing. It happens to women too. You think you know a guy…he seems reasonable, seems funny and successful. Then you find out, oh wait a minute. He’s a cheater. He’s got major anger issues. And he’s just pretending to be rich…he’s actually an unemployed chauvinist pig that lives in a halfway house!
Well this unpleasant “change” in personality is also noticed by men. Here’s the scenario.
He meets a strong, confident woman he really likes. But then he finds out, oh wait a minute! She’s extremely insecure. She’s clingy, she’s controlling and not at all who she seemed to be the first time I met her!
So it’s no wonder that he loses attraction, because he’s basically met two different people and he can’t quite reconcile how they are one in the same.
So is it familiarity that breeds contempt?
No, I say in most cases it’s misrepresentation. Or at the very least, disappointing the guy by revealing your weaknesses instead of your strengths.
What to Do When He Pulls Away
So if you really like this guy and you’ve noticed he’s backing away, and you don’t want to lose him, DO NOT follow your instincts. Instincts are usually the opposite of what we should do. Instead, remember these three points.
1. Don’t freak out – it’s perfectly natural for a man to back away. Give him space and don’t guilt him about it.
Men may “drift away” because of something you’ve done or frankly, just because they’re men and sometimes they’re bratty that way!
And it’s all okay. Just because a man backs off a little bit does NOT mean the relationship is ending. It does NOT mean he’s angry at you. Sometimes it’s really just a test to see how you respond.
The best way to respond is to simply accept it and do not chase him. Do not confront him and give him a WTF attitude, because this is only pushing him farther away. You must allow him the freedom to back away and figure out what he feels for you.
After all, if you are destined to be with this man for the rest of your life, then you’re going to have to learn to accept his brooding and isolating moods! They happen all the time, even in married life 10 or 20 years later.
2. Stop chasing him!
Most women make the mistake of trying to fix the problem, when in fact the best thing to do is to simply stop chasing him and let tension between you build.
That might sound a little weird but that’s what they guy wants. He doesn’t want you to chase him, nor does he want you to just welcome him back with open arms. He wants there to be some tension between you – not necessarily as in anger, but as in, “Oh? Were we together?”
Why? Why would a man WANT you to be a little tense? A little distant?
Because this gives him incentive to come back win your approval.
And even if that’s not what the guy is feeling, you know what? He deserves to be poked back a little bit, just like he’s poking you by backing away. That’s the way guys are. They’re competitive by nature and when they become passive aggressive in this way, they really don’t appreciate a woman who tries to “fix” the problem.
3. When he comes back, don’t pout. Give him positive reinforcement.
Another mistake that women make is that when the man comes back they interrogate him, letting him know beyond all doubt that his backing off was hurtful and cruel. And guess what? Guys don’t like that.
When they come back to you, and you make them work extra hard to get your attention again, then it’s time to give them only positive reinforcement. That means instead of saying, “Why didn’t you call me for a week?” you say, “I’m happy to hear from you!”
You remind him that when he’s actually trying in this relationship, you make things fun, enjoyable and always positive. You show him that you’re more interested in having fun than engaging in drama.
You show him that you have great control over your emotions. But at the same time, you have self-respect and you don’t tolerate men who take you for granted. You allow him to go be independent…but you move on with your life without them.
This is what you might call assertive positivity!
You’re positive and fun to be around, but you’re not going to wallow in negativity or let him kill your happy spirit. When he comes back to you and realizes that he misses you (and believe me, he WILL try extra hard to court your favor again) he gets the incentive he needs.
He’s reminded that you’re unlike all the other girls who nag, pout or argue when things get cold—you’re a woman who craves connection and honesty. If he won’t give you the things you need you WILL NOT wait around for him.
That’s what gets him chasing you. He wants you more than ever before, because you mirror back to him the same energy he gives to you.
No wonder there’s such a powerful connection…because now you know what he’s thinking and feeling! And men can’t resist that.
The truth about why he stops calling
Do you know when a man is lying to you?
In fact, he probably lies to you quite a lot.
If you have ever had a great thing going with
the perfect man, when suddenly he cools things
down and stops calling…
You need to watch this video from my friend
There is a simple reason why men do this, and
once you know the secret it’s going to change
everything about the way you experience love.
By knowing how to reach past his defenses and
touch his heart deeply, he’s going to see you as
different to every girl he has ever known…
And make him plead to be his forever.
It’s not some scientific theory dreamed up by
a PhD student. It comes from someone who had
their heart broken and found out the truth…
And now she’s sharing it with you.
Stop being the girl that always gets dumped
and never knows why.
Find out how to be the one he keeps and get
the commitment from a man you truly deserve.