What to Do If Ex Ignores You (And Why They’re Ignoring You!)

“But you didn’t have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don’t even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough”

Have you ever wondered why an ex would decide to ignore you? Shun you, avoid you, snub you – it all means the same thing. Maybe you’re thinking of an ex you haven’t spoken to in years, even decades. Or maybe it’s the ex you loved as recently as a few months ago.

How could a man that loved you so much, and who said he loved you over and over again, decide to never speak to you again? What’s going on in a guy’s head when he goes from hot to freezing cold?

There could be a few different reasons why he’s ignoring you and they’re all very different, coming from different motivations. Let’s review some of the most common reasons why guys go “distant” (or in some cases even “ghost” you) and then discuss how to respond and why it works.

Scenario: The guy is feeling awkward because he’s dating someone else and doesn’t know how you’ll take it. In a worst case scenario, he may already be married or attached!

Solution: There’s nothing to do but let him go. Remember, becoming enraged with jealousy will not help you look strong, independent and attractive. You have to let him explore this other relationship…if he still loves you, he will come back when that other relationship ends. Don’t beg for his attention if he falls in love with someone else. It’s humiliating and beneath you to beg.

Remember, you can always be there for him as a friend and start by texting him, letting him know there are no hard feelings. This is the best way to make sure he remembers you when he’s single again.

Scenario: He’s not seeing anyone else but has moved on in life. He’s no longer the same person and he doesn’t want to go back to old patterns.

Solution: In this scenario, your ex is doing very well. He’s changed his self-destructive lifestyle, dropped bad habits, and is living life to its fullest. He may not be seeing anyone specifically, but he still associates being with you as that “dark place”. It’s up to you to change and show him that you’ve changed. Seeing you grow in independence and self-improvement will make him realize you’ve both come a long way…and he might remember how much you two used to be in love.

Scenario: He’s still punishing you. This usually happens after a traumatic breakup with very heavy negativity and bad associations. If your partner feels that strongly about it, and ignores you completely, you must accept your responsibility in the failed relationship.

Solution: You might not even believe you’re at fault and maybe you’re not. But if that’s how he feels, you do have to meet him halfway and at least try to see things from his point of view. He expected something from you and he was disappointed when he didn’t get it.

Can you work with that? Can the two of you be more honest about what you can do and can’t do? Can you work on building trust again? He can’t punish you forever and once he sees that you’ve done your part to heal the emotional wounds, he will probably soften and start a dialog again. Just be tender and don’t fuel his anger by arguing with him when he’s in a defensive state.

Scenario: He still has strong feelings for you…and he has no idea how to handle them.

This is a best-case scenario and yet it sometimes hurts the MOST. Because deep down you’re worrying about it and you’re thinking, “I guess all that time he never really loved me, or he never felt anything.” But it may be quite the opposite! He is still in love with you. He may be confused about how he feels or may even be afraid of a certain situation that exists, which he believes makes the relationship impossible.

Solution: What you should NOT do is press the issue and try to persuade him to come back to you! What he really needs right now is time to process his feelings. This is the primary reason why he’s avoiding you, not to hurt you, but to think for himself. The best option is to do nothing (not even texting or calling) until he reaches out to you. Give him space is the best thing you can do. This is what he’s asked for and it’s what you owe him as a friend.

Scenario: He is manipulating you to feel something…hoping you’ll come back to him. A lot of men actually do this because they read “player manuals” and this is one of the tips. If he plays you, you get all upset, riled up and YOU become the chaser.

Solution: The problem is, when you become the chaser he gains the power. He will continue to manipulate you and play you, as long as you keep falling for it. The best thing to do is to STOP chasing him and instead “play” him right back. Start ignoring him right back or even better, call him out for his playing behavior.

Don’t apologize first. Don’t suck up to him. Don’t offer sex so that he’ll open a dialog with you. Don’t fall for any “emotional stunts” he pulls either where he’s forcing you to feel something. Simply telling the player that you see through him is enough to make him stop playing games with you and “man up”.

As you can see, there is always a reason why a guy ignores you. It’s usually not what you’re thinking! Figuring out why he’s snubbing you is the first step. From there, it’s time to start regaining your confidence and independence so you can be equals again. Then, and only then, can you start chatting with him as a friend…and hopefully soon, something more.