It always seems like such a gamble when you finally have sex with a guy you like. You’ve been holding back for weeks, maybe months, letting him know that you’re not interested in a one night stand. You want something real.
And I would venture to say that HE wants something real too. Sure, most guys are open-minded. They want sex from women but they’re also willing to consider starting a serious relationship. You know, if the sparks are there…if the chemistry is right.
And then the damndest thing happens. He loses interest.
Right after sex, or maybe a few days or even weeks after. He started really hot, then he went to warm, and now he’s getting cooler and cooler. He doesn’t want to talk about it, he just wants to be friends. He wants to keep his options open. He’s not ready to settle down.
Sound familiar? (Nod)
Why does this happen? Are men just creepy like that and just want to talk you into bed? Will guys pretend to be interested for months on end just to “conquer you” and add you to their score board?
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say “Sometimes yes but most of the time NO.”
Maybe that’s surprising to hear. And maybe you’re even thinking, “Well you’re a man of course you’re going to side with your own gender!”
But yes, along those lines, let me explain this from a man’s point of view.
Why Sex Matters to Men
By nature men are chasers and they are “dogs” in the most loving sense of the word. They work hard to please women. They learn dating strategies. They get buff. They read poetry and continuously add to their skill set, just to impress women!
Because for most of a man’s life, the answer is always NO. “No, I don’t want to sleep with you just because you have a penis.” (And yeah some dumb guys are still sending unsolicited dick pics even in this modern age…isn’t that bizarre?)
So a man’s entire dating personality is based on the idea that he must qualify for sex.
When he finally does have sex, his mind is clear. He has perfect clarity. Now that he’s proven himself worthy of sex, he starts thinking about more serious subjects like compatibility. Chemistry. Conversation. Life goals. Marriage and commitment.
Not surprisingly, his instincts are screaming, “Oh god I’m not ready for any of that!”
So let’s say by default, that most men are inclined to resist commitment after sex. He sees no advantage in it.
That means IF you like the guy, and you’ve already had sex with him, you have to give him a good reason to keep coming back – AND to keep trying harder to win you over.
Consider these four strategies for keeping him interested in you after sex.
1. Follow his lead after the afterglow.
Maybe the biggest mistake women make after sex is not paying attention to what the man is doing and how he’s feeling. Some men LOVE the afterglow and if you can tell that they love increasing afterglow time, cuddling, falling asleep and talking sweetly, then give them what they want. It works to your advantage, since spending those afterglow moments together helps produce more oxytocin, aka the love drug.
On the other hand, some men really don’t like a long afterglow period and are highly protective of their private life and independence. If you can tell he’s already feeling freaked out, then leave as soon as possible. Don’t over stay your welcome and risk any negative associations.
The first step is to chill out and play it by ear. Give him what he wants, whether that’s independence or more intimacy.
2. STOP being emotional…but continue to be playful.
Consider sex the first “test” of whether you can handle a relationship with a confident and independent man. A lot of women still make the mistake of investing too much emotion early on. They become clingy, start demanding more attention, easing him toward commitment, and putting more pressure on him to be “real”.
Stop it! Remove all heavy emotion from your mind and refocus on remembering your identity and on pampering yourself after this intense experience. Stay independent by making the sex about you (your discovery, your pleasure!) and not about him.
This attitude will prevent you from coming on too strong. It also allows you to hold on to the same personality that first attracted him to you. That confident, independent and fun woman who stole his heart – that’s the woman he wants and will chase again, assuming of course you don’t change. Don’t evolve into Long-Term Relationship You or Married You. It’s not anywhere near time for that.
3. Show him respect by letting him keep his independence.
Sometimes keeping a man’s interest is all about showing him the same amount of respect as to his privacy and independence. You earned his respect before, by not wanting to control him or pressure him into a commitment.
All you have to do is continue to show him the same level of respect. Stay confident. Stay interesting and mysterious. Stay playful. He has to sense that you have not changed. The sex test has not affected you in the least. You didn’t invest more than you could afford to lose. You received pleasure from the experience and that’s all that mattered.
Now, something is going to change. He’s going to realize that you are something special and that he’s not going to find anyone better than you anytime soon. This will help him to see that HE is the one falling in love and that HE must work hard to keep you interested in him.
4. Allow him the gift of falling for you. Make him reach out to you and give him the same energy he gives to you.
I suggest you avoid contacting him first. If he’s interested (which most of the time he WILL BE) then let him reach out to you.
His reaching out may be a small gesture at first. But as long as you respond in kind, with the same level of energy, he will feel in control. Don’t pile on the emotion just because he sends you a text message. Don’t give him a thousand word essay on how you feel.
Stay busy. Be polite and respond to him in a similar way that he responds to you.
Before long it’s going to dawn on him that if he wants this relationship to continue, HE must make it happen. He must work harder to turn you into his girlfriend. You are not going to be his friends-with-benefits. He is quickly going to realize that you are a high value woman who must be “earned” through sincere effort.
And in the end, THIS will be the motivation, the incentive, that he needs to keep chasing you. Focus on being a better version of yourself rather than trying to force him to feel something for you. Stay busy, stay motivated to improve yourself, and allow yourself the freedom to seek more attention from other men.
Just watch…I can almost promise you the idea of you getting bored of him will start to make him jealous. Don’t be surprised if his texts and phone calls increase in the coming days or weeks, as he realizes he and you had a great thing going…and maybe it’s time to give love a chance.
The 5 Word Phrase That Destroys a Man’s Love For You And Drives Him Out Of Your Life
There’s a simple 5 word phrase that will destroy any man’s love for you and drive him out of your life completely…
It usually comes out as an honest question when you want to connect with him…
But only serves to push him away and slowly kill your relationship from the inside out…
It can take a man who is filled with love and passion for you…
And make him feel cold, distant, and uninterested…
Have you figured out what it is yet?
Many women send this as a text message when they’re feeling insecure…
And then are confused why he suddenly pulls away and disappears completely…
Most of the women who ask it don’t even know how harmful it is…
Yet it can take a relationship that seems like it’s perfect…
A relationship where you feel loved, cared for, and like you’ve finally found “the one”…
And overnight, it can tear that relationship apart…
Leaving you confused, frustrated, and heartbroken…
If you don’t know what this simple yet seemingly innocent question is…
I want you to stop what you’re doing and go watch this video presentation that I put together for you at the link below…
Click here to watch the video now <<
My name is Matthew Coast and I’ve been teaching in the dating industry on since 2005…
I’ve helped hundreds of thousands of women, all over the world…
Get into relationships where they feel loved, seen, and cherished by the men they’re with…
When you click the link this link right here <<
I show you what this 5 word phrase is…
I’ll teach you about why men pull away, how to stop it from happening…
And how to attract the man you want…
Into a relationship where you’re loved and adored and treated like a priority…
No matter how painful things have been in your past…
You can attract a great man and have a great relationship…
Just click the link on your screen and the watch the video right now…
If you’re struggling with men pulling away from you…
If you’re tired of giving everything to a relationship and only being taken for granted…
And if you’re ready to have a man see you as a woman that he wants to be with forever…
