The One Thing You Need to Know If You Want to Get Your Ex Back

By now you probably understand that begging, pleading and making dramatic gestures does NOT impress your ex. It seems as if the harder you try to please him, the more you push him away.

Why does this happen? What is it about men that resents kindness and love? Let’s consider this issue one point at a time. Then we’re going to conclude with the “one factor” you need to know if you hope to win your ex-boyfriend (or husband) back.

Why Are Men Turned Off by Nice Girls?

Well, frankly, they’re NOT. And I’m not just saying that to defend my gender and win the respect of my bros on game night.

The truth is that science supports the argument that men DO like nice girls and generally avoid all the bad girls that the media seems to love. In three separate studies, men were shown to favor “responsive women” who addressed their needs.

That means that men were LESS IMPRESSED by women who disdained them or made them work too hard for very little attention. So no, I think it’s safe to say that men are not stupid. They know when they’re not wanted and they avoid those “bad girls” that take advantage of them – at least the majority do.

What Kind of Girls Do Men Seem to Chase?

The majority of men want nice girls and they just sort of wish that nice girls had some sexier qualities that bad girls have. For example:

More adventurous sex

More spontaneous fun

More mystery

More conversation, less talk of errands, housework, family stuff

Are Men Really Attracted to Danger?

I frequently hear this argument, that men are attracted to danger and even the idea of an “edgy relationship” (one always on the brink of breaking up) turns them on, makes them feel alive, and so on.

If they grew up in a dysfunctional household then it’s possible. But I think most men AVOID these “dangerous relationships” more often than not. Maybe they think they’re cool in their teens or twenties, but sooner rather than later, they outgrow it.

They want stability, they want trust, they want maturity and good motherly qualities for their children. And YES they do want what you gave them, as a devoted partner.

So why the hell did he break up with you?! That’s probably what you’re thinking…and here’s the answer.

Men NEED the Relationship to Be Equal

The problem may be that neediness – that quality, that fear, that makes you beg for his attention – exposes weakness. Most men are turned off by weakness. They don’t like clingy behavior.

Sure, they may feel sorry for a needy person, but they’re usually not ATTRACTED to her. The feeling is more like a father protecting a child, or helping an elderly lady across the street. But what are men attracted to?

Men Want a Challenge, But Not a Project

One of the reasons that men seem so much more determined to chase you during dating, and less inclined to fight for you after a relationship, is because they like a challenge. Sure, it’s true and to some extent it’s innate.

Men desire to please. Men like to work hard and want to be rewarded for their hard work. Men are loyal, men are devoted. But guess what? The harder they work for something, the more effort they put forth in “winning” it, the happier they are.

When a woman becomes needy or clingy, then she removes the challenge that the man enjoys. In fact, she removes all the fun of the relationship. All the mystery, all the flirting, all the teasing conversation. Now she’s a project – a precious gem that the man has to protect at all costs.

It’s very 1950s. It’s not really the temperament of 2018.

The point is, men want you to be strong and smart. They want all the intimacy, all the trust and romance.

But a man wants you to be as strong as he is. Independent. Self-confidence. Someone who doesn’t “need” him, but someone who responds to his charm and ability.

He wants you to be a challenge. Not a bad girl or a mean girl, but a mature woman who knows her value and who is independent to the very end. This is what makes you attractive. This is what makes you a challenge, a recurring challenge, that he never wants to stop chasing.

The One Thing You Need to Get Back

So the problem is not that your ex doesn’t appreciate your love and support. He does! He may even be confused about what he feels about you right now.

What he needs to see from you is that feminine streak of independence. He needs to see that you are functioning independently, being successful in live, and achieving happiness on your own. You are a complete and self-confident woman and the relationship just makes life even better. No needs…just enjoyment, just mutual respect and love.

That’s what he wants to see. You had it before. It’s what first attracted you to him. Your strong character and inner strength. Maybe you started coasting and forgot that part of yourself. Or maybe he made foolish mistakes and you didn’t know how to react to it.

Well that all changes now! You can get it back and you can win him back, by reinventing the relationship and redefining who you are.