Signs He Loves You but is Scared (How to Know the Truth!)

A look. A sweet smile. A touch or a hug that goes on too long. And when you talk, the conversation seems great!

But when it comes time to pursue a romance, that’s when you notice the distance. Why hasn’t he asked you out yet? Why hasn’t he kissed you or talked about getting to know you a little better?

Maybe a sharper question you should be asking is Why do some men step back as soon as the relationship progresses?

They could be holding back for a variety of reasons, some good and some sneaky. Men who are already married or hiding disturbing secrets would obviously be reluctant to show you their true self. Men who are not that into you or just want to use you for sex would also not be very open about their feelings.

Then there’s that special kind of guy who’s honorable, available and a great catch all around. But it’s obvious that something is holding him back. He’s scared of moving forward and committing to you, but you can’t put your finger on why.

It’s NOT that all men are commitment-phobic. A lot of guys out there are very eager to find a girlfriend and begin a progressive relationship that ends with marriage and family. But yes, it just so happens that a lot of great guys are stuck carrying baggage from the past. They may be scared of moving forward and know that their baggage could affect the relationship. They don’t want to invest time and emotion in a relationship that’s suspect might self-destruct.

What might help you stay patient and help him figure out how he feels is considering what a man does when he feels scared in a relationship that he wants. If you notice any of the following things happening, then it’s likely that his feelings are real. What might be happening is that his fear is fighting against what his heart wants.

1. He admits it outright.

Sometimes honest guys are very upfront about why they’re hesitant to start a relationship. It’s not uncommon to hear a guy say that he’s not used to being intimate emotionally with someone he likes. Or maybe he says plainly, I’ve been hurt before and I’m afraid of trusting again. Now he might be joking or laughing when he says it or you may hear it from a friend. Men are not always going to confess this with a straight face. But if you hear it, take that statement to heart. He’s afraid of starting a relationship that won’t work. Go slow and let him confront his fears by giving him the assurances he needs.

2. His actions and non-actions speak louder than words.

You may notice that with some guys, they revert back to being an asshole or commitment-phobic whenever relationship talk gets serious. The real issue is not in how he’s teasing you or resisting you. That’s his “defense mechanism”, what he does to keep people away. Instead, pay attention to what he does or does not do, in terms of action. Despite all his talk, is he still:

A. Always making plans with you
B. Never or rarely interested in other women
C. Always going out of his way to do you favors
D. Always curious about your life
E. Always having dealings with your family and friends.

These behaviors indicate that he’s not ready to move forward yet, but he IS rearranging his life for you and trying to be with you. If you can tell he is still showing his love through acts of kindness, then you could give him more time to figure out how he feels and what he wants to say.

3. He is totally into you in conversation…but breaks it off suddenly and becomes distant.

If the two of you flirt intensely and enjoy an almost magical romance happening in conversation, but that’s followed by periods of disinterest and avoidance—that could be an indicator of what he’s feeling. He enjoys the dialog, but the future of the relationship is what scares him. He realizes how intense the romance is becoming and so he cuts it off suddenly, hoping to take a break from what he feels.

But here’s what happens next. He runs into you again and you pick up right where you left off. Flirting, romance, the thrill of conversation. He resists you when he’s away from you, but when you’re together sparks do fly.

4. Watch for the eyes! The eyes say it all.

When things are silent, spy on him. Is he looking at you? Do your eyes lock for just a moment…caught in a wordless confession…only for him to run away and break contact at the last minute? This is a strong signal and it almost always happens. Men who are in love, even if they’re fighting the feeling, will gaze and stare at their object of affection. Usually they look away before they get caught but every so often you catch them looking. And the eyes say the whole story.

As we have reviewed, if he’s scared of starting a serious relationship there’s usually a big reason why. He might not have had enough time to process his grief. Or he could be self-sabotaging his happiness.

The good news, however, is that he isn’t just rushing into something he’s bound to fail. He wants this relationship to work, and won’t fully commit himself until he knows he’s ready. The best thing for you to do is to give him some space, but continue to be the woman that he loves and that he’s powerfully attracted to.

He needs his independence but he also needs reminders that you’re not going to be single forever. You don’t want to pressure him to commit, but you do want to let him know that honesty and openness is what you expect of him. If you remain patient with him, while still being fun to be around, he will remember you and he will pursue you later on when the time is right.

About The Author

Matthew Coast

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