Should You Give Up On Trying to Get Your Ex Back?

“Perseverance is failing 19 times and succeeding the 20th.” -Julie Andrews

This is an interesting question…especially in light of all the sexual harassment scandals we hear coming from Hollywood and the news media lately.

How much is too much when it comes to being persistent?

When a man rejects you, it seems pretty final. He said no and so you have to leave him alone. Give him his space. Stop demanding his attention. It’s the same respect that a man owes you, when you reject him.

For example, when there’s a guy in a bar hitting on you and when he won’t take no for an answer…creepy, right? He ought to leave you alone and NOT be persistent. Not if it makes you feel threatened.

Well, the same rule applies for a man. No one wants to be coerced into a relationship or forced to feel something. If he feels smothered by you, to the point that it makes him uncomfortable – there’s only one option left. Leave him alone.

Worst case scenario, he could call the cops on you! Or heaven forbid, try and physically remove you from his house.

Simply put, don’t be that girl. Don’t be that girl that refuses to leave. That will just cause more trouble than it helps.

Of course, just because you get one rejection doesn’t necessarily mean that his rejection stands forever. You have the option to move on and never think of it again…

Or you have the option to try again.

But next time, you try with better timing. With a more creative approach. That’s the real meaning of persistence, not just repeating the same words or behaviors.

And who knows? Men DO change their minds. Life changes people and sometimes guys do change their opinion of someone after some time passes.

So if there was some love between the two of you at some point, then it’s safe to assume that love COULD redevelop between the two of you.

But how do you know if you should be persistent and keep trying or if you should do the “right thing” and walk away?

Let’s consider four very important questions that will help you decide how to approach the situation.

1. Is he still angry or intimidated by you?

Then obviously you need to forget about him. Or at the very least, allow significant time to pass. There’s just no sense in trying to reason with a guy who’s mad as hell and still sees you as the thorn in his side. No matter how hard you try, he has too much resistance built up against you. The best thing to do is to leave him alone and let him simmer down for a few more months, or even as long as a year, before attempting to contact him again.

2. Does he seem happy in his new relationship?

While we could discuss the ethics of this situation for a while…let’s just keep it short and sweet. If he’s happy with another woman, you’re not going to steal him away. He won’t want you. Or even if he does sleep with you, he will probably regret it and break up with you anyway – this time, blaming you for everything that went wrong in his current relationship.

The truth is, if he’s happy in a new relationship the timing is ALL WRONG. It’s a losing battle. Try though you might, his every instinct will be to reject you again. It’s a far better strategy to be there for him as a friend and wait until his current relationship fizzles out before making another move.

3. Has your ex really changed over time? Or does he still have the same behaviors that make you crazy?

Tough question to answer. Because you might want him to change. He might claim that he’s changed. But if you still observe him doing and saying the same things – like always, like he did when you broke up – then it’s easy to see the truth.

No, he hasn’t changed And if you try again, with the same circumstances as before, it’s almost sure to end the same way. With you getting your heart broken.

The best time to get together with an ex is when you actually see evidence of his change. When he seems like a new man, a better man, one that’s really matured from when you first met him…and from when you were a couple.

And along those same lines….

4. Have YOU changed? Have you matured and gained back your self-confidence during the hiatus?

This is just as important of a question to answer. If you haven’t taken any time to work on yourself, then it’s very possible he will treat you the same way he always did.

Men don’t magically change just because they ought to – just because you hope they will. They change when they make a conscious effort to change. And they change when they sense that YOU are not the same person you were. They will quickly learn that you’re no longer a pushover, no longer the girl that was under his thumb before.

This is what will attract him to you in the first place – realizing that YOU have changed tremendously. Now he’s wondering if he still has feelings for you…and if those feelings are even more intense than before, now that you’ve made all these positive changes.

The best way to get back together with your ex is to be available at the right time, be unavailable most of the time (so he realizes he has to work to get your attention), and most of all…to interact with him differently than before. Show him that the qualities that turned him off of you are no longer there. You’ve made great strides for yourself.

You’re a brand new woman. You’re doing better than you ever have before. This is what makes him curious. Now that you got his attention…it’s time to make him realize just how special you are and how much he misses you! We’ll discuss the next step in the process in an upcoming article.

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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