Should you give up on trying to get your ex back?
“Perseverance is failing 19 times and succeeding the 20th.” -Julie Andrews
This is an interesting question…especially in light of all the sexual harassment scandals we hear coming from Hollywood and the news media.
How much is too much when it comes to being persistent?
When a man rejects you, it seems pretty final. He said no and so you have to leave him alone. Give him his space. Stop demanding his attention. It’s the same respect that a man owes you, when you reject him.
For example, when there’s a guy in a bar hitting on you and when he won’t take no for an answer…creepy, right? He ought to leave you alone and NOT be persistent. Not if it makes you feel threatened.
Well, the same rule applies for a man. No one wants to be coerced into a relationship or forced to feel something. If he feels smothered by you, to the point that it makes him uncomfortable – there’s only one option left. Leave him alone.
Worst case scenario, he could call the cops on you! Or heaven forbid, try and physically remove you from his house.
Simply put, don’t be that girl. Don’t be that girl that refuses to leave. That will just cause more trouble than it helps.
Of course, just because you get one rejection doesn’t necessarily mean that his rejection stands forever. You have the option to move on and never think of it again…
Or you have the option to try again.
But next time, you try with better timing. With a more creative approach. That’s the real meaning of persistence, not just repeating the same words or behaviors.
And who knows? Men DO change their minds. Life changes people and sometimes guys do change their opinion of someone after some time passes.
So if there was some love between the two of you at some point, then it’s safe to assume that love COULD redevelop between the two of you.
But how do you know if you should be persistent and keep trying or if you should do the “right thing” and walk away?
Let’s consider four very important questions that will help you decide how to approach the situation.
1. Is he still angry or intimidated by you?
Then obviously you need to forget about him. Or at the very least, allow significant time to pass. There’s just no sense in trying to reason with a guy who’s mad as hell and still sees you as the thorn in his side.
No matter how hard you try, he has too much resistance built up against you. The best thing to do is to leave him alone and let him simmer down for a few more months, or even as long as a year, before attempting to contact him again.
2. Does he seem happy in his new relationship?
While we could discuss the ethics of this situation for a while…let’s just keep it short and sweet. If he’s happy with another woman, you’re not going to steal him away. He won’t want you.
Or even if he does sleep with you, he will probably regret it and break up with you anyway – this time, blaming you for everything that went wrong in his current relationship.
The truth is, if he’s happy in a new relationship the timing is ALL WRONG. It’s a losing battle. Try though you might, his every instinct will be to reject you again.
It’s a far better strategy to be there for him as a friend and wait until his current relationship fizzles out before making another move.
3. Has your ex really changed over time? Or does he still have the same behaviors that make you crazy?
Tough question to answer. Because you might want him to change. He might claim that he’s changed.
But if you still observe him doing and saying the same things – like always, like he did when you broke up – then it’s easy to see the truth.
No, he hasn’t changed And if you try again, with the same circumstances as before, it’s almost sure to end the same way. With you getting your heart broken.
The best time to get together with an ex is when you actually see evidence of his change. When he seems like a new man, a better man, one that’s really matured from when you first met him…and from when you were a couple.
And along those same lines….
4. Have YOU changed? Have you matured and gained back your self-confidence during the hiatus?
This is just as important of a question to answer. If you haven’t taken any time to work on yourself, then it’s very possible he will treat you the same way he always did.
Men don’t magically change just because they ought to – just because you hope they will. They change when they make a conscious effort to change. And they change when they sense that YOU are not the same person you were.
They will quickly learn that you’re no longer a pushover, no longer the girl that was under his thumb before.
This is what will attract him to you in the first place – realizing that YOU have changed tremendously. Now he’s wondering if he still has feelings for you…and if those feelings are even more intense than before, now that you’ve made all these positive changes.
The best way to get back together with your ex is to be available at the right time, be unavailable most of the time (so he realizes he has to work to get your attention), and most of all…to interact with him differently than before.
Show him that the qualities that turned him off of you are no longer there. You’ve made great strides for yourself.
You’re a brand new woman. You’re doing better than you ever have before. This is what makes him curious.
Now that you got his attention…it’s time to make him realize just how special you are and how much he misses you! We’ll discuss the next step in the process in an upcoming article.
Send your ex this weird text if you want him back
Have you heard about Time Machine Texting yet?
With it, you’re able to shift your ex’s thoughts from all the reasons he wanted to breakup with you…
And transfer him back in time to remember and feel all the reasons he loved you in the first place.
If you want your ex to come running back to you…
And fill his mind and heart with good memories of you…
Talk soon,
Matthew Coast
P.S. If you’re begging, crying, or trying to prove to him you’ve changed, you’re only pushing him further away.
Instead, use this text message…
Thank you this is such good information. I’m glad I opened the email instead of just trashing it
Wow you are Amazing this just makes so much sense ok I’m impressed ok thank you so very much I don’t feel like my husband gives a dam if I’m dead or alive ok so I really do need to take your advise on board ok yes I really do so thanks so very much for your enlightment it certainly gives me time to ponder over my next move ok yes I appreciate you yes I really really do so this again my friend ok yep. KVSB FB AUSTRALIA
Dear mat,
It’s been 4 months since we broke up. I tried calling and texting, leaving nice message. But he doesn’t respond. I thought of going to his apartment, but feel like this would be to bold. I miss him so much . A part of me thinks maybe he is dead.because we have been friends for 10 years. I just wanted to know if he is still alive. Sincerely yours Gayle
Hi I have been separated from my husband for 4months I still keep in contact an I really would like us to get back together but he has been seeing some one else I have bought a couple of your programs but I could really do with some help
Thanksjo
I needed to hear this. It was right on time and on point. Great information.
I was madly in love 40 years ago and he dumped me only to return 40 years later with beautiful emails about never forgetting me and still having feelings for me but now he wants to marry a woman in Poland so he can safely bring her and her family back to the USA. I do not want to get hurt again so I have been backing away from him but he keeps texting or calling me if he does not want me why does he keep contacting me ? Should I just stop answering his phone calls he wants to sleep with me but seriously there are thousends of women out there he could sleep with.
Yes! You know what to do; the right thing. He should not say those things to you all while wanting to marry another woman. You deserve better!
Hi Matt,
Thank you for your help sometimes it hard to find someone that will listen, even friends and family they’ll get tired of hearing you.
Thank you for your info to let them go. Like the old song “it’s hard to do and easy to say” i think Shante Moore sang it.
All the guys that broke with me and married someone else they all got divorced & all came back, but It made me stronger & I said no that moved on. Felt good after they hurt me and didn’t care.