Some say that Friends with Benefits is the biggest relationship lie. They say you’re basically finding someone you like, someone you are compatible with, and then playing all these games with each other. Until, inevitably, one of you falls in love.
Indeed, the problem is almost always that “one of you” falls in love, and not both of you. However, it’s important to consider the statistics of FWBs, as opposed to just the superstitious notion that it will always end in disaster.
What Studies Show About FWBs
The latest studies show that choosing a friends with benefits relationship is perfectly fine – if all you want is sex. Psychology Today reported that about 60 percent of U.S. college students try a FWB relationship at some point in their lives.
About 80 percent of respondents reported that even when the relationship ended, they still managed to stay friends. Then, 50 percent of respondents said they were not only friends with their FWB partner, but still felt close to them as a friend.
This suggests that FWB relationships typically don’t end in disaster. Maybe because the all important issue is that you are friends first, and even when romance and sexual compatibility doesn’t work out, you still show respect and care to the other person.
Still, a very low number of about 20 percent of FWBs respondents reported that they turned their casual thing into an exclusive romance. Those are not good odds, suggesting what we all kind of figure: if you start a FWB relationship, it will not be easy to transform it into a serious romance.
Why and When Does the Change Happen?
It’s actually not that strange that many FWBs do evolve rapidly into serious crushes. Usually, when you meet someone sexually compatible, you are also compatible in other respects, such as personality, sense of humor, interests, and so on. Just because you both decide not to be too “real” doesn’t mean you can resist bonding with a friend you like.
We don’t tend to make love to someone we despise just because of the opportunity for sex. We choose friends or acquaintances that we’re naturally attracted to, someone that’s interesting. Sex is usually not a turn-off in a casual relationship. Men may sometimes break up with women after sex but it’s usually because of some other incompatible trait.
Sex actually produces lots of happy feel-good chemicals, which can confuse a person and make them see a hot partner as someone they’re romantically attached to. Let’s also be honest and admit that sometimes being a friend (with benefits) allows us to bond very intimately as friends – not just lovers.
Once you develop favorable feelings for a person, it’s hard to forget them – we forget people we don’t like or don’t think about. We stay friends with the people we like, even when our conversations are casual or convenient.
Real feelings for a person also tend to happen gradually – not the “love at first sight” moment many people assume is real. Over time, you begin to see the good qualities of a friend. You don’t sexualize them – you see their best qualities and evaluate their potential as a serious partner.
You also spend a lot of time together, not just making love, but doing each other favors, helping whenever possible, and generally maintaining a free sexual relationship but with benefits of being there for each other.
Lastly, consider the fact that many FWBs actually become exclusive lovers because they realize they have similar goals in life, their values align closely, and they are working towards the same things. Even in monogamous relationships, this is one of the factors that brings two people together.
Is There a Way to Turn a FWB Into an Exclusive Partner?
Statistically speaking, transforming a FWB relationship into a marriage is not likely. It’s best you understand the high risk of being rejected, so you can prepare for disappointment if the guy backs off.
Let’s face it, it’s not likely you’re going to convince a guy, whom you already have sex with for free, that he can be even happier in an exclusive relationship with you. You’ve already given him sex without the pressure of commitment, so taking away a privilege he already had is usually a turn off.
This is one reason most dating coaches, myself included, advise readers to not sleep with a guy you’re interested in right away. You must disqualify yourself as a FWB or casual affair, if you want to get his attention and put him in the romantic frame of mind.
However, it’s not IMPOSSIBLE to convert a FWB into a serious partner. The challenge is in showing him that a committed relationship can be better than what he already has.
You can’t punish him by taking away the sex he already enjoys. But what can you do to challenge his notion that this isn’t a serious relationship? How can you show him (not just tell him) that you would make an amazing wife and mother?
Remember that men have to feel it. He has to witness your good qualities as a romantic partner and come to the conclusion on his own that love is real and that you’re BETTER than other women who don’t understand him.
So don’t waste time trying to persuade him or guilt him. This is a mission of passion and heart.
Does Your Friendship Have to End When Someone Falls in Love?
Even if you can’t turn your FWB into a committed boyfriend, remember that you can always stay good friends. Sometimes love blossoms between friends with benefits, but it actually takes years of waiting. He might not even realize that he loves you the most until after he tries a few other relationships and quits them.
If you fall in love with your FWB, remember:
• Don’t push him, positive reinforcement only
• Be very patient
• Always be a good friend
• But do NOT wait for him – live your own life
In other words, don’t be a pushover. In the end, he will admire you because you’re independent, self-confident, and a good friend. That’s what works. Be a great person. Be marriage-quality and let those positive qualities shine. If it’s meant to be, and if you stay friends, he may someday see you in a different light.
The 5 Word Phrase That Destroys a Man’s Love For You And Drives Him Out Of Your Life
There’s a simple 5 word phrase that will destroy any man’s love for you and drive him out of your life completely…
It usually comes out as an honest question when you want to connect with him…
But only serves to push him away and slowly kill your relationship from the inside out…
It can take a man who is filled with love and passion for you…
And make him feel cold, distant, and uninterested…
Have you figured out what it is yet?
Many women send this as a text message when they’re feeling insecure…
And then are confused why he suddenly pulls away and disappears completely…
Most of the women who ask it don’t even know how harmful it is…
Yet it can take a relationship that seems like it’s perfect…
A relationship where you feel loved, cared for, and like you’ve finally found “the one”…
And overnight, it can tear that relationship apart…
Leaving you confused, frustrated, and heartbroken…
If you don’t know what this simple yet seemingly innocent question is…
I want you to stop what you’re doing and go watch this video presentation that I put together for you at the link below…
Click here to watch the video now <<
My name is Matthew Coast and I’ve been teaching in the dating industry on since 2005…
I’ve helped hundreds of thousands of women, all over the world…
Get into relationships where they feel loved, seen, and cherished by the men they’re with…
When you click the link this link right here <<
I show you what this 5-word phrase is…
I’ll teach you about why men pull away, how to stop it from happening…
And how to attract the man you want…
Into a relationship where you’re loved and adored and treated like a priority…
No matter how painful things have been in your past…
You can attract a great man and have a great relationship…
Just click the link on your screen and watch the video right now…
If you’re struggling with men pulling away from you…
If you’re tired of giving everything to a relationship and only being taken for granted…
And if you’re ready to have a man see you as a woman that he wants to be with forever…
