Know Your Worth: the Best Relationship Advice You Can Hear

The relationship you have is the direct result of how you feel about yourself.

Pretty strong statement, huh?  Some have gone so far as to say that relationships are an illusion—that a relationship is just a combination of thoughts in your head.  I don’t know if I would say that exactly, but I get the idea.  Basically, the way you feel and how you interact with your partner comes from your own feelings of self-worth.

This might be a bit of a mind bender if you’ve never heard this logic before, but it’s entirely true. Our thoughts decide our actions and behaviors. These behaviors become patterns and we tend to follow them. At some point, it almost becomes instinctive behavior. We’re so used to doing the same routine it becomes automatic. We’ve programmed ourselves to think this way and feel this way.

Eventually, we project how we feel about ourselves to other people. So when a man becomes romantically involved with you, he is falling for the “you” you think you are, whether or not this is the real you.

Now think about abusive relationships or other dysfunctional couplings that never work out. In all these instances, this relationship didn’t just stumble upon these women. They looked for it…they put out that negative energy that resulted from low self-esteem. They put out that vibe, that projection of a poor self-image.

Simply put, they didn’t know their worth. They let their partner decide all that for them. Not surprisingly, abusive or selfish men will feed off their partner’s low self-esteem and trap them in a codependent and destructive relationship. Before long, you’re paranoid about losing a relationship you’ve never even been happy in!

This is why knowing your self-worth is indeed a matter of life and death, a matter of lifetime happiness or lifetime misery. Let’s discuss four unique points that come from knowing your self-worth.

1. If you know your self-worth, you will not let your partner decide who you are.

This happens too many times to good women, “nice girls” you could say. They’re so eager to please their partner, they forget themselves. They forget what they wanted in the relationship, why they’re even in it. They abandon all sense of “self” and let their partner dictate the entire relationship. It’s very dangerous for a man to have that much power over you!

Real relationships, successful ones, are built upon a stronger foundation: namely, two equal partners coming together, combining their strengths. They are independent by nature and take care of themselves. They are happy in life because they don’t need a partner to define their happiness. But when they come together, they have so much fun. They build a bond together that’s peaceful, stable and patient. All because both partners know his/her own self-worth. They decide their own happiness.

2. If you know your self-worth, you will not let your partner limit your ambitions.

If your love is unconditional then neither of you would want to inhibit each other’s growth. You support each other’s careers. You encourage them to make more friends and to reach out to the community. You even encourage them to take up hobbies and to enjoy their alone time. Your ideal man will want you to reach for the sky.

In contrast, relationships built on the woman’s low self-esteem are all about control. He keeps your wings clipped. He may be aggressively controlling (perhaps masking these insecurities as jealousy fits) or he may be far more subtle about it. For example, he may criticize you, find faults with all your achievements, or even sabotage your efforts in secret. He may even “punish you” in passive-aggressive ways by becoming moody if you want to talk about something else besides HIM and his problems. This is not healthy behavior. Your partner has determined your self-worth. He literally controls your every mood and your every action, even if you don’t realize it.

3. If you know your self-worth, you will not let your partner choose your friends, your hobbies, or your personal goals.

If you know your self-worth you take pride in all the things you do and all the people you know. Your partner should encourage your independence in these things, since he wants you to be happy—not just with him, but in all aspects of your life. Even if he doesn’t agree with your opinion, or like one of your friends, he will still be supportive because he knows these things are important to you.

A man who decides you need a brand new life away from everything you’ve built, everything you wanted, is not being supportive. He may put on the illusion that he’s guiding you, but his real motivation is distracting you with a new life he is creating for you, a new role for you to play.

Ask yourself, are you really happy now in what you’re doing or are you happy because you’re making him happy? When you know your own self-worth and develop a strong sense of self-confidence you know what makes you happy. You don’t limit your passions just to wait on him.

This is why marrying an independent man is a necessity. He will be focused on enjoying his own projects and not so overly-focused on managing yours!

4. If you know your self-worth, you would not even be with a man who took you for granted.

Knowing you are a high-value person—strong-minded, independent, intelligent and successful—allows you to walk away from conversations or behavior that hurt you. You don’t have to tolerate conversations that are getting ugly and you don’t have to tolerate the people who are always cutting you down. In fact, you send a strong message to them when you withdraw and stop interaction. I won’t waste my time talking to someone that doesn’t value me. I have a busy life and too many other offers. I shouldn’t have to fight for your respect or your approval.

The good news is, if you develop high self-confidence and learn your self-worth (that is, how attractive you are to men and how you are entitled to be happy with who you are) you will project the right message and attract the right kind of man. Men who want to control you and belittle you would probably be intimidated because you wouldn’t fall for their manipulation. You would rather walk away and find something fun to do rather than deal with their nonsense!

You immediately project that you have higher expectations and this sends a loud and clear message to your ideal match: “Come and chase me! I’m waiting for someone who knows my worth and is qualified to handle me!”

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Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

P.S. If you’ve been banging your head against the wall because you’ve fallen for a man who’s frustratingly unavailable…

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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