How to Play Hard to Get

As a man familiar with both male and female dating strategies, I can honestly say the expression “I don’t need this!” is one of the most clever defenses against rejection I’ve ever seen.

And it’s remarkably simple too.

The guy wants to chase the girl, right? He tries his best to entertain her. She gives him a hard time because she knows “easy women” aren’t much of a challenge. The game goes on for a while…

Until the game suddenly ends. Because the guy says, “Hey you know what? I don’t need this.”

And he walks away, very proud of his “alpha male” qualities. Very confident in that he can pick up any other woman in town and not have to deal with the hassle of dating a woman who’s “hard to get.”

Now here’s the moment of truth. As a self-respecting woman, what are you supposed to do?

A. Run after him and say “Hey wait!”, inadvertently giving HIM all the power in the relationship since he knows you need him more than he needs you.
B. Say “Good riddance!” and keep walking, since he doesn’t deserve you. Be sure to trash talk to all his friends too since he’s obviously a player and a lowdown dog of a man.
C. Reevaluate your flirting strategy and see where you went wrong.

In my opinion, C is the only logical option. Obviously, you don’t want to run after him and give him the impression you’re clingy or desperate. But there’s no sense in being nasty about it, assuming that just because he walked away he’s a loser.

But if a lot of men seem to take an “I don’t need this!” attitude after a date or after a conversation, it may be time to be honest with yourself and admit, “Maybe I’m playing too hard to get!”

The concept of playing hard to get is often misunderstood because men and women are so AGGRESSIVELY competitive nowadays. Men want to sleep with women as conquest and women resent them for it and so instantly reject anyone who gives off bad vibes.

But these attitudes are only distracting us from the most important element in dating.

And that’s having fun!

Playing hard to get is not purely about the challenge. It’s not about filtering out the “weak” and rewarding the strong. It’s not about shaming all the losers and getting rid of them ASAP.

It’s really just about having fun. It’s about having positive interactions with the men you meet and leaving them with a great impression. And yes, it’s also about seeing which of these guys is really the most deserving of your full attention, and which are only deserving of a smile.

Let’s consider a few short tips on how to play hard to get the RIGHT WAY and actually make guys want to talk to you more and work harder for your approval.

1. Be confident. Be friendly. Being both makes you instantly “hard to get.”

It’s easy to be way too nice. It’s easy to be needy. And guess what? It’s easy to be a stone cold witch and scowl at guys that aren’t in your league. But what’s REALLY challenging is when you’re naturally confident. When you’re self-assured and yet you’re friendly to other people because you have no reason to overcompensate. You don’t have anything to prove. You don’t need to send a “message” that you’re off limits. All you have to do is show up, looking good and looking well adjusted. Now that’s a challenge!

2. Give more men your attention based on their effort to impress you.

Simply talking to more men, instead of limiting yourself to the ones you want the most, allows you take a step back and project higher standards. You don’t have to date according to type. You can talk to anyone. You can flirt with anyone, at least anyone that’s doing his best to impress you. This instantly makes men feel competitive with one another. They want to get your attention. They put their “best foot forward” to get bigger reactions from you.

3. Encourage a man you like with limited or “accidental” physical contact but withhold sex.

Nothing says “hard to get” (but still very attractive) more than a woman who flirts, enjoys touching, and yet says NO to easy sex. This is why you should always leave the guy wanting more. You’re friendly and you encourage him to flirt but you also challenge him by rebuffing his easy proposals for dates, one night stands, and so on. You don’t “reject” him as much as you simply coyly laugh the idea off. You don’t say yes or say no…but you send him the strong message that this is not enough. You have to try a little harder!

4. Hard to get means cheeky, not snotty.

A man is far less inclined to “get” or chase if a woman seems turned off by his presence. If she rejects him, implies rejection, or sends a distinct signal of “no thank you”, most guys will back off. Rejection is hard enough without an “auto-reject” before they can even think up a few good lines.

This is why a woman who plays hard to get actually encourages men to come forward and have a fun conversation. But instead of the forced, formal dialog he fears, she instantly puts him at ease by teasing him gently. She shows him that this is all in good fun and that making each other laugh is the only priority. She relaxes him, she gives him an opening and she creates a very positive feeling. They’re friends now…anything can happen!

5. A woman who’s hard to get is not necessary disinterested…just REALLY busy.

Finally, embrace the idea of playing “hard to find”, instead of hard to get. Women who are active, stay busy, and have numerous duties and priorities are always in high demand among men. They’re confident, successful and really can’t afford to be interested in most proposals. This makes them friendly, and yet really hard to get, doesn’t it? Being busy (and not just faking it, but actually being busy) lets you take longer to answer texts and phone calls. It also forces men to come up with their very best to impress you.

The busier you are in life, the more you can be disinterested or slow to commit without it seeming like a childish mind game. It really forces a boy to grow up and work harder to please you. And in the end, playing hard to get is all about making a man fight harder, to become a true romantic so that he can win your heart!

About The Author

Matthew Coast

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