How to Get Him Back – How to Get a Man Back

In other articles on this blog, we talked about the most important factor when it comes to winning back your ex—total detox! Having the inner strength to completely cut him out of your life is the most important factor because it allows you to get back together on YOUR TERMS, not his.

Stalking him, keeping tabs on him, harassing him, begging him to come back, these are all very bad ideas. In the end, these manipulative tactics will only backfire. The best case scenario is that he sleeps with you and dumps you again. That’s because when you beg and plead for his attention you give him the power and he loses respect for you.

That’s why winning him back will require great inner strength, outward confidence, and most importantly discovering your self-respect. It’s NOT a mind game. You’re not manipulating him into giving you the upper hand. You’re simply finding yourself and becoming a better person…a better person that he WANTS and that he will have to work for.

So let’s consider the five-step process for how to get a man back after a breakup, and almost any kind of breakup. You’re going to see that repairing trust is not about the way the relationship ended (unless there was extreme abuse going on) but about your current attitude.

1. When it’s time to make contact again, DON’T practice. Don’t rehearse. Be yourself.

When you take time away from your ex and detox from his personality, you are putting the focus back on YOU and away from him. That means since you are cutting him off, you have actually taken the time to improve yourself. You are more active, you are exploring new things. Maybe you’ve even opened your mind to new perspectives and goals in life.

So when I say, “Be yourself!” this is what it really means. You’re not being the “old you”, the one he left. You’re being a better version of you, someone who’s living life to its fullest.

Don’t be surprised if he makes the first contact since you’ve certainly piqued his curiosity by now. If he does, remain cordial. Be yourself…don’t prove a point, don’t manipulate him to feel anything. Don’t FAKE anything. Use your own positive energy to interact with him.

2. If you decide to make the first contact, be casual and confident.

This not only means that you control your emotions but it also refers to the way you present yourself AND the way you present a topic of conversation. Here’s what you don’t want to do:

  • Seem desperate…desperate to make small talk
  • Talk about your old relationship
  • Talk about old romantic stuff
  • Berate him or guilt him about anything

You get the point. The conversation should not be heavy, but at the same time it shouldn’t be too shallow either. Men usually don’t respond to simple one or two-word sentences. Or if they do, they’re just being polite and platonic. The best way to catch his attention is to start a conversation with SUBSTANCE.

You could talk about an old movie or TV series you both used to watch. Or you could even be so bold as to say, “I saw ____ and I thought of you.” This could be anything you both once “shared”, like a favorite meal, a song, or even an adventure the two of you went on.

Or you could start talking about a subject that you know he enjoys discussing or is an authority on—one that lets him showcase what a smart guy he is. (Nothing wrong with buttering him up just a little bit) The topic of conversation should be positive (no complaining), and somewhat neutral in terms of strong emotion.

Why go this route instead of shallow “what’s up?” Because a headier conversation requires effort, it makes him think about what to say. It immediately shows him that you won’t settle for anything less than his full attention.

3. Once you begin a good rapport, by being yourself and talking about things that actually matter, it’s time to remind him of all the changes you’ve made.

Just when he gets a little comfy, thinking you’re the same girl you always were, it’s time to surprise him. Demonstrate how much you’ve changed. You’ve become a different woman since the breakup. You’re similar in some ways but very different in other ways, better ways. Feel free to send him pictures of your new life, hobbies, vacations, friends, routines and so on. He will enjoy getting to know the “new you” without all the arguments or negativity that he associates with the old relationship.

4. Act like the woman he once fell in love with.

This may be a little challenging because you’re used to playing his girlfriend or maybe even his wife. But for the time being, he actually wants the new you—and yet he wants to fall in love again with the woman he remembers. Act like the woman he first fell in love with. Go back to that time, before you knew him, before you needed him, and before you even thought about him.

What kind of person were you? What were your qualities that he found irresistible? This is the “charm” he’s looking for. Don’t try to be someone else or even his “perfect lover.” Be the woman he first fell in love with but add some new exciting things to the mix. He will be fascinated!

5. Just when he thinks you’re not into him…remind him about the good old days.

Brilliant technique! Talk about your new life as if you really didn’t want him back. But then, just as he’s sensing that you’re out of his league now, THAT’S when you bring up a conversation about the good old days.

Show him that you still care. That he still occupies a place in your heart. Let him know that you have fond memories of him, NO negative associations. You might even show him that you still remember special occasions like birthdays, holidays and other shared “events”. Just be sure to keep things subtle and nice, NOT sweet, and not overly emotional.

The whole idea behind getting your ex back is to avoid begging for attention and to stop trying to make him feel something. Instead, focus on getting HIM to chase YOU!

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Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

P.S. If you’ve been banging your head against the wall because you’ve fallen for a man who’s frustratingly unavailable…

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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