How to Date Online

Believe it or not, there was once a time when Internet dating was taboo. Imagine a time when everyone met in small social networks, or group events, or bars and nightclubs. Very few people would consider dating a person via text since you could never know a person’s true personality behind words on a screen. Even the web cameras of the 1990s and early 2000s were primitive compared to the built-in cameras we have today, that make Skyping and Facetiming so easy.

Nowadays, it’s almost unheard of NOT to judge someone’s dateability according to their online presence. Not only can you do a sex offender search online to make sure your date is sane and clean, but you can also get a composite of their personality from their Facebook profile, their LinkedIn profile, and perhaps even their Twitter or Instagram account.

There’s just one problem though. Just BEING online is not the same as actually being a good online date. There are still expectations. And yes, even though 50 percent of everyone uses annoying expressions like “ikr” and “tldr”, QUALITY guys still expect you to be a good communicator, even when you are limited to words on a screen.

We need to re-learn how to date online, but more to the point how to be INTERESTING in an online environment. And remember, in an online environment where almost every single woman has a sexy selfie collection. Looks aren’t enough. A good profile requires a combination of great photos, good writing and most of all, the right message! Here are five tips for capturing a man’s imagination as well as his interest.

1. Link to your Facebook or Instagram account.

Why settle for posting just a few pictures when you can connect your best photos from your Facebook page? Keep your photos high quality and make sure you don’t post pictures from years ago. Keep things current and take more photos in general, so you can always post the best ones of the lot. Group shots are also very yesterday. It annoys men, who have to pick you out of the crowd…and of course, compare you to your other friends. For the best results, choosing a variety of photos showing you in different situations.

2. Don’t let your stats do all the talking. Showcase your personality!

Who cares what a woman’s profile says if she’s good-looking, right? Don’t all guys just pay attention to her looks? You might be surprised to know how many HIGH-QUALITY guys will pass on a woman who doesn’t write a profile, or who says the bare minimum. Specific profiles are the best because they showcase what makes you stand out from the card. On the other hand, safe and “to the point” profiles are boring, clichéd and can sometimes come across as downright rude—especially if your idea of writing a “fun profile” is to write several paragraphs of turn-offs, warnings, yelling and guy-hating vitriol.

Instead, list the most interesting things about you. Your favorite songs, proud moments in your life, a typical weekend date night with you, things you’ve always wanted to try, and upcoming vacations. Keep things positive!

3. Be active and respond quickly after your date sends a greeting.

Sometimes men respond to women based on how often they come online, (indicating they are an active member and will be available to respond. In fact, most men prefer a woman who quickly responds to messages, given the high number of spam bots on online dating, as well as flaky women who just never return messages. A guy doesn’t want to feel as if he’s wasting his time. A woman who promptly reads her messages and sends a follow-up message in a reasonable time is showing that she’s serious about meeting someone in person, having fun, and testing the chemistry. This is what a man wants! In contrast, a woman who takes days to respond (even if she’s playing hard to get) will usually miss this window of opportunity and send him into the arms of someone else. Someone who actually responds within a few hours or minutes!

4. Avoid clichés. Be conversational.

Emoticons are a bit over dramatic. Using too many of them, or using them as substitutes for intelligent replies, is a mistake. After all, did any of us really enjoy The Emoji Movie? I didn’t think so. Be careful about using too many clichéd sentences as well. Saying something that’s too generic, too predictable or too “stereotypical” of dating (you know, like “I like long walks on the beach…” or “I want to see Paris, France!” or “I am looking for a successful man who will appreciate me for who I am.”

Don’t play it safe. And don’t tell men what you think they want to read. Your goal is to evoke feelings in him, so that he’ll want to start a conversation on a topic you both have an interest in. Write your profile in a conversational manner, allowing them to immediately feel at ease with you. The more welcome you make them feel, the more they will want to chat with you. That’s their motivation to reply, an easy lead-in to a good conversation!

5. Build anticipation for a physical, in-real-life relationship.

One of the worst mistakes you can make is to postpone the in-person meeting, and instead let the fantasy take over the relationship. You become enamored by the fantasy character and start filling in question marks with your own perfect scenario. Not surprisingly, when you do finally meet in person you see flaws and you get something completely different than what you expected.

The best defense against this is to not avoid meeting but to meet via webcam, phone call, and in-person as soon as possible. Don’t let curiosity be your sole motivation. Be eager to see him in person and build anticipation for good conversation and physical presence. Presenting your in-person self will only make you more appealing to someone who enjoyed your online presence, especially if you can talk the same way and share some of the same humor that first attracted them to you.

Dating online is all about sharing your thoughts and your heart. The sure way to fail would be to continue to hide and stick to the shadows seeking security in the online setting and not a new challenge. Come out into the light and open your mind to new experiences and better dating prospects!

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Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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