How to Create Trust in a Relationship

Building trust is surprisingly difficult in a relationship, even when two people are deeply in love with each other. The reason being, love and commitment is an organism that must be “kept alive.” You can’t take it for granted and assume that your love is so universally powerful that it can survive anything because it can’t.

Love is easily untangled by infidelity, lack of communication, growing apart, losing your patience and taking things for granted. If you want a long-term relationship that lasts for the rest of your life, it’s something you have to constantly work at, something that grows in your garden that requires maintenance and nourishment.

But just a little effort goes a long way. Here are five tips on how to create trust in a relationship, whether you’re going through a hard time or if you’re just afraid of losing something so precious.

1. You have to demonstrate faithfulness.

Relationships are not necessarily doomed if there’s infidelity, but after cheating happens, it’s a long walk back to gain your partner’s trust. If you want to trust your partner and have him trust you, you must be faithful in all matters, large and small. This shows respect. This shows a willingness to build something. Cheating not only hurts your partner but also damages your own ability to completely trust somebody. When you can’t even agree to be loyal to a partner, you cannot truly be intimate…you cannot be unguarded and honest. The relationship dynamic will always be off. Secrets are what make it deteriorate from the inside out.

This doesn’t mean just physical sex and lying, but also emotional cheating. Sex and flirting and all that we usually associate with “cheating” isn’t even the most damaging part. What actually destroys the relationship is the unwillingness one or both partners have to completely trust and be “naked” (emotionally speaking) with one soul mate. When one of you has a part-time lover or “very close” friend that you shouldn’t have, you’re dividing all that exclusive attention, all that love. Jealousy is only one part of infidelity. The other part of it is that you cannot be truly open with each other.

2. Give each other space and trust each other always.

Giving each other space builds feelings of security and safety. When one partner is invasive and controlling, the other partner feels stressed. When cornered like this, it’s very likely a man will lash out or even end the relationship. He wants to feel that he’s free to come and go as he pleases. He wants to stay independent because that’s in his nature. His strong independence is probably one of the things that attracted you in the first place!

A man wants to feel free to go where he wants and for you to TRUST him, and give him the benefit of the doubt. He’s not cheating, he’s not running away, and he’s not trying to get away from you. Usually, a man just wants time alone with his own thoughts and sort things out in his head. By all means, let him. And remember, if you allow him this independence he gives that same freedom and trust back to you. A good marriage should be the union of two strong and very independent people who know how to co-exist, how to survive on their own, and how to appreciate each other when they’re together.

3. Be honest about what you think and feel. Even if it hurts.

Infidelity always starts with avoiding honesty. Honesty builds character, it builds self-control and it frees you from the burden of carrying secrets. When you speak honestly to each other you can begin to work on your problems as two intelligent adults. You share everything and so become closely bonded.

When you keep secrets you only drive a wedge in between both of your hearts. If something is bothering you but you avoid telling him, he will never know about it. If he is tempted by another woman but avoids telling you about it, he makes the choice to not involve you and to not get help. He makes no attempt to explain himself. He doesn’t let you help him. He simply gives up and looks for someone else to complete him.

That’s what destroys a relationship just as fast as physical infidelity—the unwillingness to share and be open about everything…and then the desire to start over with someone else. Protect your relationship by always making an effort to open up and to let your partner know, this is important to you.

4. Be stable, reliable and safe.

Isn’t a marriage built upon the same old routines a bad thing? No, unless the routines are stressful and miserable for one of the partners. But having routines in the first place is what allows us to appreciate spontaneity and to have fun changing things up. Practically every couple reaches a point where they look forward to the routines. Maybe that’s eating dinner together, sharing a favorite meal, watching TV or going to movies, or strolling through the park hand in hand, and so on. If you both enjoy doing it then keep it up. These are the routines that actually strengthen relationships and help you to bond. You begin to love those routines, seeing them as something safe, stable and reliable.

Sure, you may want to try something new sometimes, but then guess what? You make that new “thing” you discovered a part of your routine! Routines are actually good for couples. They help us to calm down after a hard day at work, how to cope with stress, and how to grow in our love of our partner.

5. Support your partner in all things, showing love and respect for their qualities.

Your partner will know how much you love them by the way you talk about them with others. A strong marriage is made up of two people building each other up, supporting each other, and always fighting FOR your partner. You believe in each other. You hide your weaknesses from the rest of the world and work on them together. This builds in the both of you a strong sense of loyalty. You’re not just faithful in body…you’re faithful in spirit. You’re willing to sacrifice for your partner, just to make him happy. He’s willing to stand by your side because he knows you would do the same for him.

As you can see, trust is something we build with effort. As long as you both keep putting forth the effort to strengthen your long-term relationship, your love will last a lifetime and beyond!

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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