Do Men Like Submissive Women?

Maybe this is a trending topic, especially given the cultural and political wars going on in the media. We hear it all the time on social media and even person to person.

A real woman, a strong feminist woman should be empowered and not take any crap from a man. She should always speak her mind. And submissive women are weak, frightful girls with low self-esteem. They chase after dominant men—like the billionaire BDSM Master Christian Grey—because they have no will of their own.

And then you have others saying that men don’t actually want to marry these feminists—they WANT submissive women. They want women who are pleasant to be around, fawning, adoring and sexy in the traditional Playboy Playmate kind of way.

All right, now that we’ve discussed both “extreme” viewpoints, let’s find the truth somewhere in the middle.

Feminine and Feminist?

First of all, I have never believed that feminism is contrary to being an attractive and desirable woman. You can be both. If you enjoy dressing that way or acting in a feminine and flirty way, that’s great. Why not use your likable personality to attract men AND to fight for social causes that you believe in, like equality?

On the other hand, it’s absolutely NOT true that men are only looking for submissive women who have no personality. And if you go through life trying to please a man by pretending to be perfect, safe, nice and attentive, he is not going to sense any real chemistry, at least beyond a one night stand.

The reason being, that yes men do want to feel dominant and powerful BUT once they get to that point, they are going to want a woman strong enough to match them.

Strong men respect strong women, at least when it comes to marriage. Very few rock stars ever marry their groupies. Very few billionaires ever marry “sugar babies” who just want to have sex, receive gifts and pretend to be a Playmate.

These are distractions for men, but not the kind of woman they fall in love with.

That’s why if you’re serious about landing a good man, a successful man and a man who’s going to love you beyond looks and beyond money, you need to show him that you are:

• Strong
• Intelligent
• Successful
• Friendly
• And Not Threatening!

I know the last one sounds a bit funny, but I really do think a lot of men are threatened by women who have a negative attitude. I don’t think feminism is negative by nature, but there are certainly individuals who take things too far and will only ever see men in a negative light.

That’s what puts men off. It’s not strength, and it’s not firm opinions either. Men actually LOVE women who have strong morals, strong ethics and the confidence to speak her mind. A woman like this reminds a man of his mother, someone he loved deeply because she taught him how to be a better man.

What they don’t respond to is a woman who attacks him or even a woman who puts on a front of being hostile to men. And this is a natural reaction.

Sure, there are a lot of men who are feminist or who believe in feminist ideals. But they aren’t all going to respond in the same way, they’re not all going to protest in the streets, and they’re not all itching for a fight with someone they disagree with.

Every man expresses himself differently. It’s up to you to learn who this guy is and how he really feels about all these issues.

The secret then is to engage the man you like conversation and let him gradually discover who you are, always speaking to him in a respectful and friendly manner.

Respect isn’t submission, not at all. Respect is what we give to each other as responsible adults. When we’re in a professional or casual setting, we owe each other the benefit of the doubt. We assume the best in people.

So when the man you like first notices you, he’s going to assume the best. That you’re smart, successful and friendly…and that’s what will intrigue him. Not the bad attitude, and NOT the “Yes, Master!” submissiveness that people ASSUME men want.

When Should You Be Submissive?

Is there ever a time when it’s good to be submissive? For example, when a man speaks are you supposed to listen and agree with his viewpoint? Or does he expect you to constantly disagree with him to prove yourself?

Submissiveness, defined as “ready to submit or yield to the authority of another”, implies that you would suppress your own desires, your own opinions, and your own feelings just to yield to someone else’s authority.

The only instance in which this would be appropriate is if you and your lover were playing a sort of BDSM game where you both enjoyed the dominant-submissive sexual tension. But frankly, outside of the bedroom, in real life, that attitude is outdated…and trying to be a housewife from the 1800s is NOT going to impress any man today.

Especially the kind of man with a heart you’re looking for.

On the other hand, showing respect to a man is simply civilized and mature behavior, and that’s a quality that every man will find attractive. What does respect look like?

“Respect” listens when someone is talking. You accept what another person says (since it is a valid opinion) but if it conflicts with what you believe, you might choose to explain why you disagree. Or if the conversation is not that important, you can let the disagreement go and talk about something else.

“Respect” means that you respect him for his character, intelligence, and ambition, just as he has shown respect to you. You are not “submissive” to him because he’s a man—you’re simply interested in him as a person. You want to learn more and you want to explore this attraction you both feel.

As you can see, submissiveness is just a sexual quirk, or sometimes a running joke between a husband and wife who absolutely, 100%, respect one another as equals. You don’t have to be subservient to a man and stifle your opinion or your feelings. Conversing openly and honestly with a man, with confidence, with empowerment, is what he needs to see to feel that attraction!

About The Author

Matthew Coast

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