Can Other People See Chemistry Between Two People?

Here’s an interesting question: is romantic chemistry something that you “see” or feel?

If you desire a man, if you love him deeply, that definitely points to chemistry. If you see another couple in love, fawning over each other and swooning, that’s easy to point to and say “They have good chemistry!”

Or how about those old Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks movies where the actors had such good chemistry together? Well sure, that’s obvious! And if you think chemistry comes easy in movies, well, check out Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp in The Tourist or even worse, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez in Gigli. Sure there may be chemistry there…but it’s terrible to watch!

The Meaning of Chemistry

So what does chemistry actually mean? Just like love and infatuation, romantic chemistry is often misunderstood. First of all, chemistry doesn’t necessarily refer to just love or just sex. You can have good chemistry with a person that you’re not in love with, sure. You can even be hopelessly devoted to a man who’s bad news for you, who makes you miserable, and yet still feel amazing chemistry with him. But it’s certainly not love. That seems more like a Twin Flame relationship, as I’ve written about on this blog before.

The most basic definition of chemistry is the psychological interaction between two people, for better or worse. The term romantic chemistry usually means the positive interaction between two people who share common feelings. The drawing together of two people, the desire to be close, the desire not just to make love but to connect is intense – if and when it happens.

When a woman finds a man attractive, it’s usually not just lust. She can get sexual gratification from any number of lovers. But when she meets a man who is truly special, and when there’s an amazing emotional connection, that’s when real chemistry begins.

She feels the desire to connect deeper, to explore even more intimacy with him, physically and mentally. He feels it too and works harder to impress her. The chemistry may be so good, he will forget about other women and will focus all of his efforts on her.

What Chemistry Looks Like from the Outside

You may also notice a certain “chemistry” between friends, or with a sibling and someone they’re dating. You just know by watching them, listening to them, that they have good chemistry. How can you sense it if you don’t feel it?

You sense it in other people by watching them. You notice little things, such as the way she gazes at him, or the way they “preen” self-consciously during a conversation. Maybe you notice she touches him a lot, or that he seems nervous and unusually attentive to her.

Of course, this could be simple sexual attraction and it usually comes and goes (especially after sex!). But when it’s true chemistry, you notice there is high compatibility in their conversation.

They have similar viewpoints. They have common interests. Their background is similar so they relate to each other very easily. They may even have a certain “rhythm” or mutual energy where they can have a long conversation and never miss a beat. They talk like old friends, they know what each other’s thinking.

Dissecting Feelings and Chemistry

This is a wonderful phenomenon to see in your friends and loved ones…but it’s even better when YOU experience it yourself. You could say that when you feel chemistry, you are immersed, completely focused on the other person.

This man is not only attractive and interesting, just about everything he does produces a strong emotional response in you. You want him, you want to interact with him, and you temporarily stop thinking about anything else.

Why does this happen, and more to the point, why does it happen so quickly? There are women who can fall in love with a man over time and NOT feel instantly attracted to him. Some women can have sex with a hot guy and yet not feel anything emotionally for him.

This is one of the great mysteries about attraction that we don’t actually know for sure. Some have speculated that women can “sense” genetically gifted men and that this causes an involuntary attraction. If they were to have children, thanks to the man’s genes, the child would have a better chance of survival and prosperity. But again, just a theory.

Others say that “pheromones” cause chemistry, since they are airborne particles associated with scent – and that when we involuntarily “release” pheromones we silently communicate the need for sex. But obviously, not all people are compatible, because we find some people attractive, some not, and some even repulsive.

Then of course you have the more abstract theories, such as the idea that some people are “soul mates” and find each other after being reincarnated into different bodies. Sounds romantic, if not convincing.

Chemistry is a Strong Personal Bond

Here’s what we know for sure. Chemistry, whether it’s love or even dysfunctional attachment, is all about the bond we share with a person as we get to know them. Chemistry starts with just an attraction and having some things in common. But as you get to know a person, learn about them, share ideas, stories and memories, you become attached. The bond deepens and soon enough you start to value that special friendship. It may even hurt you to leave, because you dread losing that intense, fulfilling connection.

The most important thing to remember about chemistry is that if it’s REAL, if it’s based on real love, then it brings out the best in you. It brings out positive qualities and helps make you a happier and more successful person. In contrast, infatuation or dysfunctional “chemistry” leaves you feeling miserable, anxious, bitter and maybe even angry about the relationship. In this case, it’s important to work on self-improvement first, so that you can build a relationship that’s balanced and based on mutual respect.

When you find true love and mutual respect, that’s when you feel the best chemistry of all. A lifelong affair that never ends, one with a flame, a burning love, that never dies!

10 Magic Love Triggers That Make Men Fall Hard For You

Have you ever been near someone who gave you a strange spine tingling sense of excitement?

Have you ever felt those infamous little butterflies in your stomach fluttering around when your secret crush walked by?

Have you ever had the hairs raise on the back of your neck as someone you were in love with unknowingly brushed past you?

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Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

P.S. If you’ve been banging your head against the wall because you’ve fallen for a man who’s frustratingly unavailable…

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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