5 Signs He Wants to Try Something New In Bed

I’ve noticed a disturbing trend on various online forums and Q&A websites. It always starts the same way, whether the person is male or female.

“I’ve got a problem. My partner never seems to want to have sex. I am always horny but never seem to get any attention. I’m very unhappy but I don’t want to leave and I don’t want to cheat. What can I do?”

There is no easy answer here, but there are a number of solutions to try. And if you really love each other then it is always worth trying again. The relationship only ends when you stop trying and stop making it a priority to make your partner happy.

Rather than become defensive or start blaming your partner for your unhappiness, the more practical approach is to explore some solutions together. Once you and your partner talk about this issue, you can better understand how the other person feels and what compromises you could make as a couple.

The problem in your case, however, might be that your husband/boyfriend hasn’t actually told you that there’s a problem yet. Don’t assume that a man will just come to you and talk about the issue openly. Many men avoid confrontation, especially if it involves feelings of vulnerability or what they perceive as “begging for sex”.

It might actually help to evaluate the relationship and determine if there are signs that he’s bored, or unhappy, or just wanting a change from the usual sexual routine. Once you see evidence that he is bored, you can take the initiative and suggest doing something new in the bedroom.

Before you start planning that far ahead though, let’s actually consider what signs sexually frustrated men give off and what they’re actually communicating with these statements and gestures.

1. You’re usually the one who asks for sex and affection.

When guys are happy they are usually very sexual and affectionate. So if it’s just been you quarterbacking lately, and he seems disinterested or even resentful at the idea of anything sexual, he’s definitely bottling up some negative emotion. If he’s not even flirting with you or talking about sex at all, he’s feeling dead bed. Sex may have even stopped completely!

And if that’s the case, I assure you, he’s not happy about it. Guys don’t just get bored of sex and live happily ever after. Never. Ever. A bad day or even a bad week is one thing. But months of no sexual activity or even any desire from him shows a relationship in sexual jeopardy.

2. You can predict the entire sexual encounter from start to finish and move to move.

Predictability during sex is not a good thing. If you’ve both become stuck in a rut and “phone in” your sexual performance, then it’s safe to assume neither of you are enjoying it much. Do you find yourself thinking about weird random thoughts during sex (like food or what you’re doing later tonight), instead of enjoying the moment? It’s very likely he’s doing the same…or maybe just fantasizing about someone else. He’s desperate to feel something new, even if it’s just a fantasy.

3. It’s all about tension and release—there’s no sexual intimacy anymore.

A good sex life is not merely about quantity but quality. A man who is satisfied will be an emotionally intense lover. It will feel soulful. Lots of eye contact, hand holding, cuddling and afterglow, and intimate communication. Emotionless sex tends to be mechanical, cheap or even forced. He’s just using sex as a release or painkiller. But the passion is absent. Anytime sex feels like a chore, it’s time to reboot your entire love life.

4. He seems completely detached from you…but very excitable around other women.

He doesn’t joke around about sex or seem very communicative lately. When it comes to other women, however, he lights up! He treats you more like a family member but is captivated by other women. Now this is very dangerous territory. I happen to think that a man flirting with other women, especially right in front of you, is almost “point of no return” disinterest in the relationship. It is POSSIBLE that you can save it by trying to rejuvenate your sex life, but only if his heart is still invested in you. Wait too long and you risk losing mutual respect for each other.

5. He prefers masturbating to sex with you.

It’s somewhat unrealistic to think that a man will give up masturbation entirely after finding the woman of his dreams. But if you notice that he almost never initiates or reciprocates sex with you, but is always up for “self service” then he’s definitely unsatisfied with your sex life. No it’s not fair and yes, it feels like a slap to the face.

But it’s time to be practical about the situation. If he’s still in love with you, and isn’t cheating on you, there’s still room for negotiation. He’s obviously getting something from the porn and jerking off that he’s not getting from your usual routine. What is it? The newness? The excitement of new sexual experiences? Longer orgasms or longer foreplay? Maybe it’s just the unpredictability of new fantasies.

These are the experiences you want to create for him, for you, and for your mutual pleasure. Rather than just “entertain him”, talk to him first. Find out what turns him on, and what some of his taboo fantasies are. Then, tell him some of yours. Now with this increased intimacy between you two, you can figure out a way to recreate these fantasies in detail, along with sexual foreplay.

Yes it DOES hurt when a man loses interest in sex and your first instinct might be to just spurn him, dump him, or never want sex again. But try to keep this mind.

Sex is all about honesty and communication. Usually when there is dead bed, communication has dwindled. Neither partner is trying as hard. A good sex life is not a given in life, no matter how attracted to each other you are in the beginning. It requires regular maintenance, communication, experimentation and even some “auditing” to keep things fresh.

When broaching the subject, remember that’s always better to approach the situation positively. Don’t complain or nag and try not to take offense at the idea of him admitting boredom. Try to be open-minded and focus on finding the solution—namely by both of you investing more time and effort into sex.

There’s no reason why committed relationship sex can’t be just as good as single sex. In fact, it should be better! Let’s focus on making it better as a couple.

About The Author

Matthew Coast

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