4 Sneaky Things Narcissists Say to Get You Back

Narcissistic men are a clever bunch, aren’t they? They are so consumed with power, fame and success that they are willing to do literally anything to continuously feed their ego. Narcissists are driven by the desire to dominate and win in relationships, while feeling little to nothing for their partners.

They are characterized by a lack of empathy and the tendency to punish their partners if they feel threatened and not “loved” enough. Most people will tell you to avoid a narcissistic or sociopathic man altogether and to not even try creating a relationship with him, because it’s next to impossible to survive it.

But here’s the truly disturbing part of it. Narcissists are so charming and believable (since they have to be, to get what they want) they are actually very good at re-seducing their ex and getting back together with her!

Even though she knows it’s a bad idea, even though she’s already determined to break up with him and mean it.

That’s right, this article is not about ways a narcissist “gets back at you” (and believe me,

they will do that too) but sneaky things they say to get back WITH YOU, right back to square one – that hellhole called a relationship with him. The same man you once decided you hated and couldn’t live with…and now you’re back with him.

How and why does this happen? It’s something that frequently happens in relationships and it’s not always something that you, as the narcissist’s victim, will understand. Some people chalk it up to “love” or “loving abuse” (Stockholm Syndrome) or even the “Twin Flame” relationship.

But here’s the truth: narcissists are very good at psychologically manipulating their exes because, very simply, they know what buttons to push! The narcissist learns what works in the relationship over time and how to make his partner feel, react and respond in a certain way. He uses those same techniques to get the response he wants, in this case, falling in love with him again.

The question is why does the narcissist do it? Because getting an ex back that they “lost” feeds their ego. They want to be loved always and so the idea of losing a relationship (especially if he didn’t initiate it) will bother him until he makes it right.

Of course, if he dumps you a week later after winning you back then it’s irrelevant because it was his decision. When it’s your decision to break it off, it threatens the narcissist’s ego and that’s when he gets nasty.

Here are four ways that the narcissist wheedles you back into his arms, even after you’ve decided you’ve had enough.

1. “I want us to stay friends.”

Seems easy, right? You’ve left on such bad terms and the idea of hating him and him hating you causes grief in your soul. The idea that he wants to go back to being just friends feels good! But the narcissist’s goal is usually to get back together with you and “reclaim” what he lost. He may take a break but he will usually come back and make his more heartfelt and earnest proposal yet.

He will say he made a mistake, can’t live without you, and that he needs you in his life as a partner once again. His ultimate goal is to make you a friend-with-benefits and validate his ego with easy but meaningless sex.

You really can’t stay “friends” with a narcissistic ex because he has no concept of

privacy and respect – which is required if you want to stay friends.

2. “Okay…let’s give therapy a try.”

The narcissistic ex is very clever when it comes to playing emotional poker. He knows when you have met your threshold for abuse…which is why if he senses he’s losing this battle, that he will make a “sacrifice” to win you over.

Therapy teaches that admitting you have a problem and seeking help is the first step to recovery, right? That’s admirable…that’s the kind of thing that might guilt you into taking him back. Especially if he throws in statements like, “I’m an idiot…” or “I know I’ve let you down.”

But he also knows playing the part of the repentant ex that wants to change is exactly what you want from him and so he will dangle that promise under your nose for as long as possible.

Narcissists rarely ever change. They put the least bit of effort forward to gain as much unconditional love as you can give them. Whenever he makes concessions like therapy, it’s just to buy more time. It’s just to feed his ego and give you false hope. But watch him in therapy and you will see the games do continue.

3. “Oh boo hoo hold me! I now realize…you’re the only woman I’ll ever love!”

Yes narcissists will cry and give you a big dramatic moment – if that’s what it takes to get you to reconcile with him. He knows the power of a man’s tears and that sometimes giving you strong emotion feels like reconciliation. He feels the pain you’ve suffered and has supposedly learned his lesson.

Problem is, he usually never changes or learns anything – except how to get a reaction from you. Narcissists are very good actors and can emotion well, just as easily as they can lie. His intent in putting on such a show is to make you forget all the negativity that’s happened and give him one more chance…

Because, of course, now he’s learned his lesson. He realizes that before he wasn’t sure how he felt about you…but now, he understands you’re his one true love. His intent is to get you to believe everything will change and that the past is behind you.

The worst part of it is, naturally, a narcissist WILL continue to act for the next few days or

even weeks. He will lull you into a false sense of comfort, the “change” you dream about. But as soon as you fall under his spell again, he goes back to his old ways.

4. “Well the only reason I slept with her was because I thought you were seeing someone else. You were, weren’t you?”

Lastly, remember that a narcissist will always blame you for his wrongdoing in the relationship. He may occasionally fess up to his mistakes to win points with you…but that is a very short lived apology. His ego will not allow him to take responsibility for what he does and has done. He will eventually go back to blaming you, indicating that everything was your fault, and that he didn’t do anything wrong.

Sometimes a narcissist will blame the “other woman” he’s cheating with for seducing him. Sometimes he blames your family for making things difficult. Sometimes he guilts you into seeing his misery, his loneliness and longing for you.

But the point is, he will always blame someone else and avoid responsibility. Narcissists can change their hurtful behavior, in theory, but statistically that’s very rare. It’s far more common that he goes through life deceiving, manipulating and abusing his partners as long as they keep falling for the same old shtick.

The first time you break up with a narcissist should be the last time as well. If you’re really looking for a serious relationship and not a time-waster, look for good qualities in a man and avoid bad qualities like the plague. A narcissist has mostly bad qualities hidden behind lots of charm, confidence and desperation.

Avoid him and live happily ever after.

About The Author

Matthew Coast

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