“Sex…it’s easy to figure out. Instinct guides you.”
Yeah right.
That may be what some people think. Unfortunately, taking this naïve attitude into the bedroom can cause serious issues in a long-term relationship. Even worse, having no idea what you’re doing during sex might even disqualify you in the guy’s mind.
For that matter, just lying there and expecting the man to take what he wants from you could also disqualify you.
And yes, even if you have pretty good sex in the beginning, but never actually go beyond that routine, you’re still at risk of developing a nasty case of “dead bed” later on.
Why do men put so much emphasis on sex, anyway?
Is it because sex is closely related to emotional intimacy? Does a man want to feel more connected to his partner? Or is there an evolutionary explanation here? The whole “spread one’s seed as much as possible” argument that some still believe?
Let’s go with the simpler explanation for now. Men desire sex because they enjoy it!
It makes them happy, caresses their ego, and activates endorphins and oxytocin leaving them a great rush and natural stress-relieving drug.
The reason men put so much great emphasis on finding a good sex partner (as opposed to just a good wife) is quite possibly because they know how important sex is…and they don’t want to end up cheating or filing for divorce because of sexual incompatibility.
Now some people will tell you that it’s not a woman’s responsibility to “provide” for her man sexually. Sex should be mutually beneficial pleasure. If a man wants it, he should work for it—romance his wife! It’s not her job to placate him and beg for his approval by pretending to be someone else.
And that’s true. Nobody owes anyone a thing when it comes to marriage, sex or happiness. A relationship requires effort from both partners if it’s to survive.
But here’s the thing.
It IS your responsibility to be educated sexually, just as it’s a man’s responsibility. Ignorance is what causes many sexual problems in the first place. Fortunately, we have plenty of free information available including this list of “6 important facts women should know about sex”.
No, this isn’t about the birds and the bees, we assume you know that by now! Instead, this is a sex-ed quickie course about all those other sexual issues—the ones we often neglect. Specifically, let’s talk about how your sex life can affect your overall relationship.
Fact 1: Ignorance, anxiety, and shame now can progress onto major sexual dysfunctions in the future.
A recent survey suggested that young people have nearly as many sexual problems as the older population and that learning about these issues may help prevent problems for years to come.
You always have to communicate to enjoy a good sex life. Yes, even when it’s awkward and difficult. Without honesty and open communication, sex doesn’t work.
This not only refers to dealing with arguments and resentment in the relationship but also your intimate communication with each other. For instance, becoming a better lover requires that you give feedback to each other after sex, before sex, and even during sex. Instead of being clinical in your dialog, learn to communicate with sexy words, dirty talk, sighs and moans, and physical gestures. If there’s something you don’t like about your partner’s style then it’s also important to express yourself, always taking a positive approach. Focus on what you want from him, not what he’s “doing wrong.”
Fact 2: Sex will become boring and eventually nonexistent…if you never go outside of the routine.
A few years ago I consulted with a sex therapist on the issue of sex in long-term relationships. She explained to me why she thought sexual “routines” happen and why it’s a bad thing.
When a couple first meets they experience a huge rush of emotions. They build suspense and sexual tension. It’s intense, it’s very powerful.
When you finally give into desire and have sex for the first time you create a peak of excitement and fulfillment. They feel an explosion of oxytocin and endorphins that leave them starry-eyed and in many cases, “falling in love”.
They spend much of their lives trying to recreate or match that singular experience. That peak, as it were. They build their routine based on that peak. Over time, they never seem to be able to surpass that peak. They try the same old routines, thinking this is what sex is and so they assume this is as good as sex gets! They lose their desire over time figuring they’ve outgrown it or that their best days are behind them.
But this just shows us how important sexual experimentation is. Rather than trying to recreate or match the first experience, try to think outside the box. Challenge yourself. Search for new peaks along with your partner and experiment with new experiences, fantasies, and games.
This way, you can both work towards having a more fulfilling sex life. Chase after what is taboo, but always within your own personal comfort zone. Finding new erotic peaks will train your mind NOT to settle and to keep your sex life always fresh and exciting.
Fact 3: Vaginal and even G-spot orgasms are not all that common…in fact, most of what they see in porn is not realistic.
A lot of men don’t understand how female sexuality works. They understand the basics but don’t quite get the psychology and physiology of the female orgasm.
Porn is grossly exaggerated and more like a cartoon. So it’s better that you be the expert, rather than letting the guy chase after unrealistic depictions of sex. Some surveys suggest that over 70 percent of women require clitoral stimulation to orgasm and that vaginal intercourse and even G-spot stimulation is not enough on their own.
If you let men direct the action, don’t be surprised if they take the action in weird directions, thinking that’s what you want. YOU are the expert on your own body. Know what it takes to make you orgasm and help him get you there.
Initiate sex more and tell them what foreplay turns you on the most. If you need a vibrator or need to touch yourself in order to orgasm, share this information with him. Honesty works.
Lastly, be more communicative as you approach orgasm. Because nothing kills the mood quite like a man asking “Are you close? Did you come yet? How am I doing?” It might take you some time to orgasm so communicate with him with your voice, breathing and sexy talk. Give him feedback and encourage him to keep going.
We’ll continue to discuss some more sex facts and tips in the coming weeks. For now, just remember that the more confident you are in bed the more he will enjoy it. The best way for you to become confident is not to have a lot of sexual experience, but rather, to be an expert at your own body.
Every man secretly wants a woman who knows what she’s doing and can make their first encounter together even better!
The 5 Word Phrase That Destroys a Man’s Love For You And Drives Him Out Of Your Life
There’s a simple 5 word phrase that will destroy any man’s love for you and drive him out of your life completely…
It usually comes out as an honest question when you want to connect with him…
But only serves to push him away and slowly kill your relationship from the inside out…
It can take a man who is filled with love and passion for you…
And make him feel cold, distant, and uninterested…
Have you figured out what it is yet?
Many women send this as a text message when they’re feeling insecure…
And then are confused why he suddenly pulls away and disappears completely…
Most of the women who ask it don’t even know how harmful it is…
Yet it can take a relationship that seems like it’s perfect…
A relationship where you feel loved, cared for, and like you’ve finally found “the one”…
And overnight, it can tear that relationship apart…
Leaving you confused, frustrated, and heartbroken…
If you don’t know what this simple yet seemingly innocent question is…
I want you to stop what you’re doing and go watch this video presentation that I put together for you at the link below…
Click here to watch the video now <<
My name is Matthew Coast and I’ve been teaching in the dating industry on since 2005…
I’ve helped hundreds of thousands of women, all over the world…
Get into relationships where they feel loved, seen, and cherished by the men they’re with…
When you click the link this link right here <<
I show you what this 5 word phrase is…
I’ll teach you about why men pull away, how to stop it from happening…
And how to attract the man you want…
Into a relationship where you’re loved and adored and treated like a priority…
No matter how painful things have been in your past…
You can attract a great man and have a great relationship…
Just click the link on your screen and the watch the video right now…
If you’re struggling with men pulling away from you…
If you’re tired of giving everything to a relationship and only being taken for granted…
And if you’re ready to have a man see you as a woman that he wants to be with forever…
