When Should You Let a Man Kiss You?

This seems to be a common concern for most women I talk to…

“When should I let a man kiss me?”

Here’s the short answer:

Whenever he goes for the kiss.

The response I get to this tends to be…

“But I won’t kiss him if it’s too soon. I don’t kiss on the first date.”

Okay… I don’t know where that rule comes from but I want you to think about something for a minute…

The most common, most frustrating, and most heartbreaking concern I get from women is this:

“Why do men disappear on me!?!?”

Let me rephrase what this actually means:

Most women don’t really care that MOST men disappear on them… only the ones they really like.

It’s the man she feels chemistry for… the spark of attraction… the butterflies in her stomach.

That’s what most women are concerned about when they talk about men disappearing… they want to know why the man she felt so attracted to disappeared.

Hmm… so what does this have to do with kissing a man on a first date?

Let’s imagine things from a man’s perspective for a moment…

Men are expected to make all the moves, to take all the risk, and to constantly put themselves out on the line for the women they date.

Imagine that’s you. Imagine that you have to take ALL the risk and go for the kiss whenever you think it might be the right time.

And let’s say that you went out on a date with a woman. The two of you have an absolute blast!

You have so much fun, get to know each other so well, and you feel that spark of attraction that gives you butterflies in your stomach and makes it feel like everything is just so right.

Being that you’re the one expected to just know when to kiss the other person… you feel like there couldn’t possibly be a better time.

You look into the other person’s eyes, you lean forward, close your eyes, pucker your lips…

But all you get is their cheek… or worse yet… you’re left completely hanging out in the air with nothing to show for it.

“I don’t kiss on the first date,” comes from the person you’re with.

Yet what a buzz kill?!? All you’re left with is feeling inadequate, undeserving, and rejected.

All those great feelings that you had completely went away. And now all you can do is question in your mind what you did wrong. Thinking…

“But everything felt so great. What happened?!?”

Sound familiar?

Not only does this destroy the mood, it will probably destroy the chances of a second date too.

And just to be clear… I’m not saying that you should let a guy do anything. It’s good to have boundaries and respect yourself for them.

However, for a guy, going in and not getting the kiss can be devastating.

And having some kind of arbitrary rule for when you should and shouldn’t kiss a guy is likely to be a major turn off for any man.

If you want a second date with a guy and he goes in for a kiss on the first date, I suggest you let him kiss you.

Otherwise, it’s very unlikely that you’ll be getting a second date.

If you’re not interested in him, obviously you don’t need to kiss him ever.

Just realize what’s going through a man’s mind when he puts himself out on the line like that.

A man needs to know that you’re interested in him if he’s going to pursue something with you.

There’s nothing worse for a guy than pursuing a woman who doesn’t feel the same way towards him.

That ends pretty much the same way every time… in the “friend’s zone.”

And most men have ended up in that space so many times, that if he thinks he might end up there, there’s a good chance that he won’t pursue you at all.

So if you like a guy, you need to let him at least know that you’re sexually interested in him… you don’t need to sleep with him right away or let him do anything that you aren’t comfortable with.

And don’t make this some type of a reward for good behavior.

Let it be a sincere acknowledgement of how you feel for a guy.

Just know that if he doesn’t think you’re definitely interested in him, he’s not going to pursue you much longer. And if you deny him a kiss, it could make him feel like he’s wasting his time with you.

What do you think of this blog post? When should you let a man kiss you? Let me know what you think by leaving a comment in the box below!

About The Author

Matthew Coast

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10 Comments

  • Lizeka

    Reply Reply March 12, 2015

    Thanks, the advice makes sense.

  • shantha

    Reply Reply March 13, 2015

    Lovely post…it actually cleared some misunderstanding I had. Obviously it helps to see things from the male perspective…sometimes being self absorbed can leave one very lonely…I think spontaneity is the key to any successful relationship.

  • MARIETTE

    Reply Reply March 15, 2015

    Hi Mathew,

    He was doing all the chasing and as soon as I show interest he will back down. He was in intelligence for years and analyze everything. Apparently worked in different country and caught his wife with another guy and that chattered his life dream of perfect marriage.

    Invited me out on date to his house but we went to his friends place to listen to music as friend was also interested in me and ended up sleeping there. Very strange as I until today still don’t know we’re he stays. I like him a lot but its almost as its become like game to him. Never any phone calls just what’s up and wants no commitment just some1 to service him. That’s really not okay with me. I can play his game ni walk away as I have also become hard due to
    Previous bad relationships.

    What do I do. Just walk away?

    Regards,

    MARIETTE

    P.S.

    He thinks I’m loaded with money

  • Linda

    Reply Reply March 15, 2015

    There’s the other side of the coin; dating a guy for two months who I wanted to kiss, but only got a brotherly hug with back pats by the 1st month’s end, and subsequent dates ended with only hugs. Clearly, I just didn’t do it for him.

  • noxolo

    Reply Reply March 21, 2015

    Owhhh thanks for your advise,hope it will workout for me coz I’m starting a new relationship FEELING SO LONELY is helping me

  • Janette

    Reply Reply April 1, 2015

    I agree. if i feel that I am attracted to him,I will kiss him on the first date. In my opinion i need to know he’s a good kisser. I want to feel that spark..those butterflies in your stomach when he’s kissing me. And it definitely doesn’t make me easy it let’s me know that I really want to see him again. If I don’t feel anything then of course they’re not getting a kiss. It’s true that men always put themselves out there and we never seem to care how they feel when we don’t dance with them, when we always expect them to make the first step and when they do its still not good enough or how we expected it to be.

  • John

    Reply Reply April 29, 2015

    The phrase “when should I let him kiss me” is very condescending. You’re assuming that all men want to kiss you, which isn’t true. If you’re giving signals that you want to be kissed, and if I want to kiss you, I will. If you rebuff me after giving signals, I will politely finish the date and there won’t be another. You are not the prize; the relationship is the prize. I don’t play games.

  • viv

    Reply Reply December 27, 2015

    Hi family, I too am sometimes guilty of leaving it up to the man to make a move with the first kiss. I made the move after a few dates with a supposedly grown man. He probably was not use to the gesture and was so taken aback that he asked what was that for? I felt so bruised. He spent months trying to make up for it but

  • viv

    Reply Reply December 27, 2015

    I never got over the snub so I spent months trying to make him feel as bad as I felt that night. Relationship collapsed before it actually started.

  • Linda

    Reply Reply December 27, 2015

    So much game playing! If two people are right for each other, they shouldn’t have to play any games. It seems ridiculous to set a number of dates you’ll have to go on with someone before you kiss them. If you want to kiss them on the first date and the feeling is mutual, why is this a problem? If you don’t feel attracted enough to kiss them, maybe you’re better off as friends. There’s nothing wrong with that either! Lighten up and let things unfold as they’re meant to.

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