Men with standards—is there such a thing?
You know my friend Bubba, a forty-year-old virgin, is very outspoken about his loneliness and his bad luck in finding a date. And in his own words…
“Needy doesn’t bother me! I would LOVE to date the ‘Overly Attached Girlfriend’ because at least she would enjoy being with me!’”
The point is, when you’re dealing with such a wide variety of personalities among men, it’s difficult to say what is definitely a turn off and what is guaranteed to be unattractive.
What annoys the billionaire playboy isn’t necessarily what’s going to turn off a sweet momma’s boy, or a strong, silent cowboy, or a single dad.
You, as an empathetic person, have to learn your date and figure out what crosses a line and what he considers in poor taste.
For instance here are two clichés I can argue right away:
Men hate “needy women”.
Well, what does “needy” really mean? Do you think a man who’s looking for an affectionate partner is really going to hold it against you, if you tell him that you really like him and excitedly call him the next day after your date?
Maybe that’s not Christian Grey’s style…maybe that wouldn’t impress George Clooney. But there are actually a lot of guys out there who are looking for honest, affectionate women and for women who “don’t play games”. There is nothing needy about being honest about your feelings. Some guys really like that.
On the other hand, if “needy” means asking him to loan you money on the first date or asking you to show up and testify in a court case against her abusive ex-boyfriend on the second date, maybe THAT’s a little too needy!
What about this one…
Men hate women who don’t shave.
I seriously doubt this and frankly, I have some guy friends who are actually very turned on at the idea of dating a woman with a little bit of extra fuzz.
Once again, some types of men don’t like a woman who doesn’t shave. But with the Miley Cyrus pit hair movement going on, rest assured a lot of modern men are okay with a little extra body hair, so as long as they get the affection, the chemistry and the fun personality they’re looking for.
So instead of reciting some clichés, let’s consider four negatives that are probably close to “universal truths” when it comes to turning a man off intellectually and physically.
You’ll notice a common theme here: men do not like it when they feel disrespected or taken for granted in a relationship.
1. Men hate it when a woman takes advantage of their kindness.
Some men actually love playing the hero, love playing the provider, and even love playing the “sugar daddy”, if you will. But even in this type of relationship, there’s always a “give and take” going on. The relationship we start with a partner is always conditional—namely, that you stay the same person and that you give them everything you promised you would in the beginning.
So a married woman who stops having sex with her husband, or who stops being affectionate, stops working, or stops being supportive of her husband’s goals, is violating the “terms and conditions” of the relationship. The man will feel used and his kindness will run out.
Similarly, a single woman who lets a man “act a fool” trying to impress her, or who lets a man buy her gifts, and yet has no romantic interest in him, is also taking advantage of a man’s kindness. It’s far better for her to refuse him early on, and refuse such “conditional” acts of affection, rather than getting his hopes up.
How to Charm Him: Learn what this guy loves about you and then give it to him in abundance. This is your basic commodity trade. Learn what softens him up, what heals him after a bad day, what he wants to hear when he’s feeling down. Once you start neglecting his needs, that’s precisely the time he starts looking for someone else who “understands him”.
2. Men hate it when women don’t take care of themselves physically.
Believe it or not, this isn’t a jab at big girls. Some men happen to love voluptuous women. And in this writer’s opinion, some of the hottest women you meet at Cosplay are curvy BBWs dressed like Catwoman!
Now that said, men always notice the difference between a woman who takes pride in her appearance (even if she’s a plus-size cutie) and a woman who just flat out doesn’t care how she looks.
It’s true that many men prefer a woman’s natural beauty to heavy makeup or over-hairstyling. But a beautiful woman still tries. She puts forth effort to look good for the man she likes. She pays attention to her clothing, her grooming, her face, her smell, and her breath.
How to Charm Him: Ideally, we all want to look our best whenever we go out in public, so don’t bother trying to impress a man if you barely threw on some sweatpants and forgot to wash your face.
Even if you’re already a couple living together, make an effort to go out at least once or twice a week. Dress up for him and have him dress up for you. Take pride in your appearance and enjoy the thrill of pleasing each other, as if it were the very first date.
3. Men hate it when women diss their mothers.
This should be a no brainer but unfortunately, there are some “entitled women” out there who feel as if they’re the center of the universe and his family is just an annoyance to be tolerated. This is a sure-fire way to turn a good man against you. True, you might still be able to tempt those bad boys who have dysfunctional relationships with their Evil Queen Mothers, but for the most part, decent guys will insist you learn to get along with their family.
Don’t just tolerate her…love his mother! Love his entire family. When his family is being nice and outgoing respond with equal kindness. When his family is being rude and cold…do your best to rise above their attitude and send back a smile. He will think you’re a goddess among women.
How to Charm Him: If you really want to get bonus points, try being nice to everybody. Wait staff, passersby, his friends, acquaintances, and even those pesky salespeople to whom you can give a friendly “no thank you!”
Believe it or not, most men are not impressed with a princess who demands the world be kind to her. They’re more impressed with a woman who wants to be a saint – a nice woman who wants change the world for the better. Is it a coincidence that many of the richest men on the planet are married to social activists and philanthropists? Nah…
4. Men hate it when women contribute nothing to the conversation.
A sure way to turn a promising date into a total disaster is to sit there, slightly bored and resentful, and then wait for the man to turn this into a romantic night to remember. Maybe men do have a social obligation to be interesting, but a woman who simply stares awkwardly at a man, waits to be entertained, and says next to nothing, is a bad date.
Men usually don’t mind putting on a show but they want a receptive audience – a woman who responds beyond Yes or No questions. A woman who offers her own viewpoints and shares personal experiences. In other words, most men want to date a mature woman who enjoys meeting new people and can carry at least fifty percent of an adult conversation.
How to Charm Him: If you really want to rock his world, make him laugh. Men go gaga over a woman with a healthy sense of humor. Because then he can tell his friends and family that not only are you beautiful and sweet…but you’re also really funny. And that’s when a guy knows he’s met someone really special!
There you have it. The best way to a man’s heart is not through his stomach…it’s by gently massaging his ego and reminding him that no one understands him as well as you do!