How Guys Test You Before They Date You

As an illustration, you might say there are two types of men in the dating world. Men who are so grateful to have a woman, any woman, that they bend over backward to impress you…

And the “other” type, and yes, the more rational type, a man that actually wants to get to know you before he starts a relationship. Now, the first type of guy can be a little bit scary.

Maybe he tries to “love-bomb” you and prey on your weakness. Or if he’s just plain bonkers and keeping shrines of you in his basement. Either way, just a little bit creepy!

The normal type of guy, meanwhile, is constantly evaluating you and trying to determine if you’re a good fit for a relationship, or if you’re just one-night-stand material. Admirable…he actually wants to have some kind of emotional experience before pursuing anything beyond friendship.

Now the really confusing part about it is, you can definitely still “attract” a man that has already friend-zoned you. He’ll just sleep with you once (or twice, if you’re a FWB) and then politely break things off. Or he’ll stop calling and texting you altogether.

“Wait a minute…go back! Why did this guy dump me? I didn’t even notice he was friend-zoning me. What did I miss?”

If you’ve ever thought something similar then the problem is that you may have blinked and missed some big. That’s right, “serious relationship” tests that the guy throws at you, but that are sometimes so subtle, you never see them coming.

Let’s discuss several of these guy tests and ways to…er, cheat on your test so that he doesn’t friend-zone you to one night stand material.

1. He will test you to see how much you actually care about his interests.

This may well be the first test a man throws at you—how interested you are in his MIND. If he senses that you are friendly and flirty then that’s the start of the conversation. But if he starts talking about his career, his lifestyle, passions or hobbies and you don’t seem that interested, that is a huge fail. These are the things that actually matter to him! If you can’t take an interest in who he is as a person, he’s going to think you’re just objectifying his body. And he’ll be cool with that for about one night.

2. He tests your intelligence…but not in the way you’re thinking.

The good news is he’s not going to quiz you about fish, sharks or aquariums (thank god). He assumes you’re probably not an expert in HIS field. Why would he want you to be? How could he impress you then if you already know everything he knows?

What you will notice, however, is that guys will test your “people smarts”. He wants to know that you can keep up with him, follow his conversation and appreciate his witty remarks. This is why he may actually test your ear for sarcasm and check to see if you’re (A) paying attention, and (B) if you’re sharp enough to sense he’s being funny. If you pass this test you’ll definitely impress him.

Passing this test requires flexibility, improvisational skills, and listening skills. If he says something odd or confusing, assume it’s for a reason. The worst way to fail this test is to become offended. The second worst way is to show confusion. Third worst way, nodding and not even noticing his attempt at humor.

This is definitely a case of “better to speak your mind” than to be too safe and fail his test. Just look for his smile as confirmation that he’s being a little goofy before reacting.

3. He will talk a lot about his favorite movies, books, and TV shows. He doesn’t expect you to love them…but he wants to explain it to you.

When guys freak out about their favorite artist or pop culture icon, they’re not so much testing you about movie knowledge as they are sensing just how open-minded you are. They enjoy talking about entertainment and other interesting subjects and want to see if you can follow them, love the conversation, and hopefully contribute something in the form of a statement or question. It’s not so much knowing everything he knows, but being able to keep him talking. Him talking a lot means he’s having fun and you’re jumping to the next level of interesting.

4. He throws a fit! Uh oh…what is he really saying with these rebellious acts?

This is understandably a confusing moment—when the guy says something rude, crude, or even aggressive. Just when you think things are going well! Questioning him only seems to make matters worse. What gives?

Why do guys throw little mini-tantrums or make snarky little comments? Because they are exerting their independence. You may notice that men usually don’t try to offend you right off the back. (Unless they’re “players” but hey, that’s another story altogether) Rather, he will say snarky things right after sensing that you’re trying to control him, mother him, or punish him for speaking his mind.

You may not even be aware you’re doing this, or he may be just plain paranoid and imagining this is what you’re doing. Either way, there is only one way to respond. Don’t respond negatively. Don’t show fear. Just laugh it off, letting him know that you are not stopping him from being his own man. In fact, show him you have NO interest in controlling him or turning him into “husband material”. You don’t want to change him at all. And that’s the positive energy that he will respond to.

5. He reverts back to a boy! What is going on?

You may find that when men really like you, they tend to become brattier and more daring in their conversation and their desire to go “play” – that is, to do something absurd and spontaneous. What this actually means is that he’s testing your sense of fun and adventure.

His lover, his future partner, will always encourage fun and spontaneous acts of romance. She won’t shoot his heads down or make him feel silly for suggesting it. If he’s telling you he’s an unpredictable romantic, take that as a good thing. Encourage more silly behavior so that he’ll always want to keep entertaining you.

So is a guy testing you a bad thing? Of course not. He is making sure that you are a compatible match and is HOPING you’re serious relationship material. Once you show him that you understand him (and yes, understand how men’s minds seem to work in general) he will quickly realize you are much more than a one night stand. You’re someone he really could learn to like and maybe even love.

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Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

P.S. If you’ve been banging your head against the wall because you’ve fallen for a man who’s frustratingly unavailable…

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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