What to Say When He Pulls Away

You’re faced with a challenging situation that is common in the contemporary dating world: he’s withdrawing, and you’re having a hard time understanding the situation, let alone deciding on what your next move should be. What do you even say when your partner is pulling away? 

There are many ways to solve the puzzles around why men pull away after getting close, what he is thinking when he pulls away, and what to say when this happens with a calm and reasonable approach.

Let Him Know You Support Him

He may be going through things which have nothing to do with you, and there’s a chance he’s withdrawing because he doesn’t want you to see how overwhelmed he is. Often, men don’t like to open up and make themselves vulnerable when they’re in pain. This is because society has taught men to be “manly” and “tough” by hiding emotions from their partners. 

Guys are also solution-oriented, preferring to take action instead of arbitrarily discussing problems. Unfortunately, they don’t realize that talking things out can be therapeutic, and that their partners may help them with their problems if only they’d reach out to them.

What to say:

“I’ve noticed you’ve been distant recently, so I just want you to know that if something is stressing you out, you can talk to me, and I’m here for you. Whatever you’re going through, I’ve got your back. Let me know if I can help.”

Tell Him How How You Feel About His Withdrawing

No matter the reason behind his distantness, he may not realize how much his actions affect you. While I strongly recommend avoiding ranting at him, sending him a quick, honest message about how much you’re hurting could be a brilliant idea. If he really cares about you, he should change his behavior after you make it clear that he’s hurting you emotionally.

However, this doesn’t mean he’ll come back and be romantic again, but he might share with you what’s going on–even if that means telling you he doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. 

What to say:

“You’ve been cold recently, and it’s worrying me. I’d appreciate it if you’d be honest with me about what’s going on so that we can solve this problem together.” 

Let Him Know You’re Ready to Move On

You can only put up with coldness and distance for so long. If you care about someone, you should be there for them; however, if you’ve been together for a short time and have been clear about your expectations, there’s no reason to be with someone who constantly makes you unhappy. Life is too short to be with someone who doesn’t make you feel important, excited, and loved.

Don’t waste your time on someone who isn’t ready to put his share of effort into your relationship. Instead, tell him as cordially as possible that you’re ready to move on. Of course, I’m firmly against using this opportunity to lash out at him or be petty–keep it simple, short, and straight to the point. It might be challenging, but trust me when I say that you’ll look back at that moment and be proud you took the leap.

What to say:

“I’ve had so much fun getting to know you–however, I feel we can agree when I say I don’t see this relationship going any further. I genuinely wish you happiness.”

Final Thoughts

While this situation is complex, remember to keep your cool and remain clear with him. Choose your words carefully, as many things can be misunderstood through text. Don’t forget to keep it real if you want things to end positively–the only way to do this is to be honest, straightforward, and to not play games or lash out.

Looking for five shocking things to do when a man pulls away? Check out my recent article.