Initial attraction can happen at the most unexpected moments. We all know what it’s like to lock eyes with an attractive stranger and feel our cheeks turn bright pink while our hearts race. At these moments, even the most self-assured woman will forget what questions you can ask on a first date to make him fall in love.
At the same time, we know infatuation isn’t the same as falling in love or making a real commitment to someone. So, what do you do to not only get his attention, but to keep it?
Putting Dating Into Perspective
Many people assume that men want to play the field. A recent study by Singles in America tells us otherwise–it found that 63% of millennials want to find love, and only 11% admitted to only wanting to date casually. This means it’s not impossible to find someone who wants the same things you do.
That said, getting a man to commit may be a bit more difficult. It can also be hard to know how to make an emotionally unavailable man fall in love with you, or what exactly makes a man commit to you.
For men, the stars have to align just so. Most men will start dating only when they feel ready to have a certain type of connection–they know what they want and are ready for.
A man will typically want to have hit certain benchmarks before he’s ready to find The One. This could be certain career advancements, owning a home, or personal milestones, such as reaching a good spot with his mental or physical health.
These things will just be out of your control, and you may need to reconsider how you evaluate commitment. For example, is a man just a means to an end, or are you seeking an authentic partnership? If he isn’t willing to commit, have you considered other factors that suggest he isn’t right for you?
How to Know He’s Ready for Love
Rather than invest your time into relationships that are dead ends, it’s better to vet men early on to see if they’re looking for the real deal or just a night of fun.
Ask His Intentions
A man looking for something long-term won’t be deterred by a woman asking what he’s looking for. After all, you probably want someone who is a strong communicator, and he may be looking for the same. Take the initiative to see where the conversation goes.
Men who are seeking a more casual arrangement tend to reveal their cards quickly when faced with this question. They may appear nervous or give a confusing answer. It’s also possible that he might tell you what you want to hear, even when it’s not what he feels.
A man who is genuinely looking for an authentic connection will recognize this won’t happen overnight. A meaningful relationship takes time and energy. He might say:
- “I’m taking things slow because I ultimately want to build something for the long term. I’m looking for a relationship that could lead to marriage.”
- “I’m looking for a long-term partner, but I’m not rushing right now. I just want to build a connection to find that special someone.”
These are all great answers, but don’t mean much if he doesn’t follow through. As for you. be honest! The only way you will attract a man who is perfect for you is by being yourself.
His Actions Match His Words
Does your man follow through with what he says he will do? Did he text you back and make those plans?
A man who wants to see you will make you a priority in his life and follow through with action. I cannot stress enough how important it is to let go of someone who is inconsistent at the early stages of a relationship. This is when you should both be on your best behavior, which means being considerate and present.
If he is not following through on plans or is canceling and not rescheduling, then it’s time to move on to someone else. You cannot convince or beg someone to treat you well in the early days of dating–you should simply expect it and leave if they don’t.
If he has been consistent with you and is aligned with your dating goals, don’t be afraid to open up and connect. Ask him personal questions. Go on a variety of dates—brunch, hiking, dance class…shake it up! See each other in new contexts.
Depth and connection can be built during light, fun times. Don’t be afraid to be goofy and vulnerable about your quirky side or nerdy hobbies. When you open with that softness, it allows him to drop his guard and embrace you for you. That’s how you win over the man of your dreams!