You could be in your home, your wedding photos on the wall grinning at you. You could be staying with a friend, staring up at the ceiling. No matter where you are, the space next to you feels empty because he isn’t there. No matter the reason for it, you can’t help but wonder if he feels like this too. Maybe you rushed into the decision to separate, or maybe it felt right in theory, but hurts in practice. Maybe you’re up all night searching “How to get him back” and “How to make a taurus man miss you”—anything to give you a sense of clarity to how you got here and how you can get out.
The psychology behind how to make him miss you can open up your eyes. Men take longer to process loss than women, and their processing looks different. Women begin to process a loss or a break-up one to two weeks after the initial separation. For men, it can take between six to eight weeks. You can utilize that time to make sure he will see what he’s missing when he finally starts processing the separation–ultimately, this is what makes a man miss a woman after a breakup. If you do it right, you can both take steps towards healing and reconciliation.
Focus on the Positives
In the first few weeks of your separation, you’re probably at war with yourself, asking, “Do I text him? Do I call him? Do I contact our mutual friends and ask about him? How can I let him know I’m worried it was a mistake?”
The answer is, you don’t. Right now, you are focusing on you. If mutual friends ask how you’re holding up, keep your head held high. Treat it as if you are Angelina Jolie being asked about Brad Pitt on the red carpet. Focus on the positive and the new things in your life–you’re traveling, you’re exploring new hobbies, you’re getting back to the gym, you’re taking time to pamper yourself and grow, and you and your husband won’t be stronger together until you’re stronger as individuals.
Your separation isn’t a death sentence or a sign of failure. View it as an opportunity for you to evolve and invest in yourself. When word gets back to him, he’ll be glad to know you aren’t dragging his name through the mud and you aren’t laying on the couch with mascara running down your cheeks (it’s okay if that’s true, but his friends don’t need to know). But he’ll also feel like he’s missing out on important steps in your personal growth.
Take Space and Be Secure
This may seem like a no-brainer, but that’s because it’s true. Absence makes the heart grow fonder–don’t bombard him with drunk calls or frantic texts; instead, take time for you. This gives him space to wonder what that means, process his own experiences, and consider how you might both grow from this.
Space doesn’t have to be malicious–you aren’t punishing him, you’re simply living your best life and seeking fulfillment. You aren’t trying to make him jealous, and you aren’t trying to prove you can move on first or get another man at the drop of a hat, especially if, in reality, that’s not what you want. If you want to mend the relationship, the first step is nurturing yourself.
It’s one thing to post a flattering photo online of you grabbing dinner with your girlfriends at a trendy restaurant, and another to text him a photo of you with another man and a bottle of wine. The mantra isn’t, “See? I can do better,” it’s, “See? I’m getting better.”
Reclaim Your Life
Even the healthiest long term relationships can make us lose pieces of ourselves. Hobbies we used to enjoy can be forgotten when we create a shared living space. Plans you made can be sacrificed when you move for a job. As you recontextualize your separation, keep in mind the space you’re giving him is also space you’re giving yourself. What do you want?
Marriage troubles don’t exist in a vacuum. Obstacles you repeatedly run into can come from issues you ignored for the sake of your relationship. Now that you have room to examine those feelings, what do you see? What do you want your life to look like? What do you need from a partner to support that life? Is it something you can achieve on your own? Meditate, talk to a therapist, and find something active to do every day. Trauma and stress lives in our bodies, so it’s important to work it out both mentally and physically. You deserve happiness. When you claim it, he will see that you don’t wait for others to give happiness to you—if you persevere, you can make your own.