You may be feeling like a scene out of a bad romantic comedy right now. Tear-stained cheeks, glass (or bottle) of chardonnay, trying with every fiber of your being to not text him or check his Instagram story again. And let me tell you—you are doing great.
No, really. Because you’re here instead of on the phone with him. This hurts. You want to know how to win a guy back, how to make him miss you over text, or even how to make your husband miss you during your separation, but right now, resisting the urge to reach out is the best route to take. Studies show women begin missing an ex as early as one to two weeks after separating, and it can take a man six to eight weeks before it sinks in that he misses her–but it can be possible to expedite this process.
I’m not saying cut him off cold-turkey—a little contact can be productive, and even healing, if done right—but Rule #1 right now is that you come first in your life. If you find staying in contact is too painful or causing you stress, take a step back. Taking care of yourself is never a waste of time.
This also goes for over-texting. Even if you agreed to stay friends, you need this distance for your own healing as much as he needs it to miss you. If you are still always available to him, solving his problems or entertaining him, he is still getting those significant other privileges despite not treating you like one. Let him wonder why he doesn’t have your full attention anymore. The goal isn’t to punish him, but to use that time and energy for yourself instead. When he eventually checks back in with you, would you rather have spent that time crying and wanting to call him, or trying new hobbies and strengthening the other relationships in your life?
When we feel vulnerable, it can be easy to forget we’re all grown-ups here. You should not be engaging in serious conversations about the relationship over text. He’s a grown man—he can invite you out to talk or pick up the phone and call. If he tries to engage, don’t respond; otherwise, keep things light and positive. During this time, you are embracing life. Sign up for that pilates class, or book that girls’ trip to Bora Bora. This is the time! He will realize how full your life is and feel like he is missing out. By staying kind and positive, fond memories of the two of you will resurface for him.
Experiment With Response Times
This one will come naturally, as by this time, you will simply be busier. You have brunch with the girls on Sunday, spin class Thursday, and maybe you’re buckling down and applying for a promotion or starting a small business. You’re a successful, in-demand woman. When he reaches out, respond at your leisure.
Remember, male attention is not some ultra-rare, finite resource. When you exude confidence and excitement, you will find more of it from other men, as well. Let him consider that you are in-demand and worry he might miss his chance with you. Live your life to the fullest and get back to him when you want to–he will want to step up his game.
The key is to remember that a break-up does not mean your life stops. Take time to process and heal, but prioritize yourself before prioritizing the relationship. Reconciliation takes two, and you can’t be alone in making it happen. So, focus on living your best life, and let him meet you halfway.