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how long does it take for no contact to work

How Long Does It Take for No Contact to Work?

You want your ex to come running back and to give the relationship another chance, which is most likely why you’ve implemented the no-contact rule in the first place–but cutting off all communication cold turkey isn’t easy. 

I empathize with you, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you found yourself agonizing over what he is thinking on day seven of no contact. Breakups affect everyone differently; some women can use advice on how to stay strong during no contact, and others come to the conclusion that they don’t actually want their ex back.

You may desperately want me to tell you that your ex will come back after a fixed number of days, but that’s the thing about the no-contact rule–no two people will experience the same results. When it comes to the no-contact rule, remember that you’ll know it’s working if your ex breaks the ice first. If you don’t hear from him, stay silent for the entire duration of your no-contact period. Don’t cave, no matter how hard it gets. 

You can start preparing for how to initiate contact after a no-contact period, but don’t forget to take the opportunity to focus on yourself and your own healing. I can’t give you a guaranteed answer on how long it’ll take for going no-contact to work, but I can give you a general timeline of how long to stay silent for, depending on how your relationship ended. Let’s cover a few scenarios:

You Separated Amicably

Maybe you both came to the conclusion that it would be in both of your best interests to part ways. I’d advise staying silent for at least thirty days before reaching out–this will allow both of you enough time to reflect on your faults and wrongdoings and to start looking at the relationship in a different light. 

 

Your Ex Ended It and Immediately Moved On

This situation is a little trickier, but not hopeless. Cut off all communication for at least thirty days. If, after a month, your ex is still seeing someone, don’t hesitate to extend this time. 

The more focused you become on your own healing, the more unattainable you become, and the higher the chances are that he’ll slowly start to wonder what you’re up to.

 

The Relationship Wasn’t Healthy

It’s difficult to walk away from a toxic relationship. You know you should, but sometimes there are parts of you that want to stay and fix it. I respect that, and while I can’t see what the relationship was like in your shoes, I can tell you that in these cases, the longer the no-contact period, the better. 

Unhealthy relationships need room to breathe. Sometimes, both parties come to the conclusion that they want to give it a shot, and end up creating a more sustainable and healthier partnership. Other times, you might realize you no longer want to initiate contact, and choose to move on with your life.

 

Measure Your Own Growth

The one thing that you can control when it comes to a no-contact period is how you react and respond to it. It’s okay to mourn the relationship, but as you process your feelings, make sure you give yourself time and space to heal. 

Sure, you might be staying silent in hopes of getting your ex back, but don’t forget to give yourself the opportunity to move on and grow, find yourself outside of this relationship, and mature both as a person and future partner.

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