The Male Mind During No Contact – What’s Going On?

One of the scariest times in any relationship is during the “no contact” period. That’s after you break up with someone you love, and despite all the love you still have for him, you decide to break off any and all contact. Under no circumstances do you say a word.

It feels wrong, it feels reckless! You’re probably thinking, “But without talking to him, won’t he forget me? Shouldn’t I say something, anything, to get him to come back to me?”

That may be your instinct, but most statistical and anecdotal evidence says it’s the worst possible thing you can do. When you beg him to stay, or come back, or try so hard to recreate the doomed relationship, it shows weakness. It only confirms suspicions he’s had all along, that this relationship is not healthy.

And you probably know this by now, but still, you’re thinking “Why can’t I stop contacting him, stop clinging to him…even though I know it’s not what he wants?”

Consider this. Maybe the problem is you’re dying from the anticipation, the dread of not knowing exactly what your ex is thinking. This could be the precise reason why you’re so nervous and afraid to let go. You’re unsure of the “unknown” and that’s the scariest part.

If there was a way to know exactly what he was thinking then maybe it wouldn’t be so hard to distance yourself. Well, believe it or not…there is a way. And no, it’s not a fantastic new mind-reading product, or a complex college course on cracking the male ego.

No, it’s actually quite simple to guess what a man is thinking. Men think similar thoughts, and more to the point, in similar thought patterns after a breakup. And in this blog, we’re going to discuss your ex’s four most probable thoughts, even during those scary “no contact” breaks when he’s bound to be thinking something!

Reviewing what he’s actually thinking will help you to calm yourself, feel your inner power and confidence, and give yourself permission to let him go and work on finding himself without you.

I think you’re going to be pleased once you discover his secrets. So let’s review each thought one at a time…

1. “Hmmmm she’s acting really weird.”

Yes! The most basic thought during this no speaking time is confusion! He definitely notices there is a big change in the dynamic. Whereas before you were attentive, clingy and fearful about losing him, not you’ve done a complete turnaround.

So let’s just avoid the heavy psychology here and focus on the simplicity. He’s confused. You’re now a mystery to him. And this is exactly where you want to keep him for as long as possible. Because now, you’ve gotten his attention and now he’s thinking of you more often!

All that said, it should be a comfort for you to know that all he’s really thinking right now is why you’ve changed and what prompted this change. That’s just about it, at least until he reaches the next step…

2. “Has she met someone else?”

After thinking your sudden change of heart is weird, now he’s thinking all about who you’re dating and what kind of life are you living now, that prompted this change. Jealousy is a motivator. He’s wondering if you’re dating someone better than him, or very similar to him. He’s picturing you sleeping with other men and it’s slowly poking at his insecurity.

This is another great stage for you, because he’s the one sitting around obsessing about you, wanting answers from you, but of course, getting nothing. This is why the NO CONTACT rule works so well. The less you actually say, the more he wants to fill in the blanks and solve the mystery of what happened to you.

Jealousy can very quickly become regret. Speaking of which…

3. “I miss her.”

Yes, isn’t that just what you wanted to hear? And it’s absolutely true, even if you doubt it. Even if you messed up or the relationship became ugly towards the end. He still misses you and he still thinks about the good times you enjoyed together. The less he sees you, the less he hears from you (and again, no social media or email contact!) the more he begins to miss you.

He can’t miss you, while you’re talking to him, waiting on him and begging for his attention. But when you stop giving him so much TLC, that is when he begins to notice how unhappy he is without you.

In fact, the less amazing his new relationships are, the more he will miss that smooth and romantic dynamic that you had together. And as we’re going to see in our next section, the time he spends alone (or in an unfulfilling new relationship), the more he’s beginning to realize the love he had with you was real, special and impossible to replace.

4. “I made a big mistake.

Here’s one of the reasons I encourage you to “let him go” – because chances are, within a few months he’s going to realize he made a big mistake. There is a temporary rush of adrenaline that comes from ending a relationship and starting a new romance. But it doesn’t last long, especially if your ex never really grows up and sees the real problem.

As you ignore him for days, weeks and months, he will begin to have serious doubts about himself, his attractiveness and his ability to truly connect with anyone. A lot of guys THINK that once they’re single again they’re going to be able to land the perfect partner and start a wonderful new direction in life.

But it rarely turns out that way. They usually find that they’re NOT emotionally connecting with their new partner and that the peace and happiness he once had with you is just not easy to replace. He soon learns that real love and real emotional connection is hard to find, because two people truly have to match each other, experience things together and be completely free of old baggage.

It’s very unlikely he’s over you. He may be having more sex but is he experiencing the same bond, the intensity of love? Hardly. And that’s when realizes that you understood him better than anyone else.

What’s important now is focusing on rebuilding your self-confidence and then working on your NEW ATTITUDE. When the time is right, you will meet him again and blow his mind by unleashing a mysterious, sexy new persona that he will want. Make him work for it and he will fall in love with you twice as hard this time.

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Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

P.S. If you’ve been banging your head against the wall because you’ve fallen for a man who’s frustratingly unavailable…

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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