There’s nothing quite as frustrating as a hot/cold guy who doesn’t know what they want.
In fact, if you’ve never had this kind of relationship before, it’s difficult to describe. It feels like a “twin flame” sort of thing, a relationship that’s very intense and passionate – but then self-destructs in a horrible way when the guy goes away but keeps coming back. You love him but can’t live with him. You hate him in some ways, but you can’t stop seeing him – you can’t even imagine life without him still around. On top of all that, you may suspect he is emotionally unavailable.
And one of the most confusing aspects of this twin flame type of relationship is when he leaves you for good…only to come back. Again and again.
Leaving and coming back in relationships enough to drive a person crazy! Why would a man leave and then come back to a girl? Worse yet, why does he keep coming back even after you do this dance a number of times?
It seems complicated, insane, and twisted…
You keep wondering, why does he keep coming back if he doesn’t want a relationship?
You’re going to find that the answer is quite simple – almost obscenely simple! The guy wants something from you. Let’s talk about the answers…
Relationship Tips for When Men Come Back
First, we’re going to discuss several reasons why a man might come back to you again and again, even if you break up and mean it.
Then we’re going to talk about the most important factor in a dysfunctional relationship: the HOW. As in, how do you stop the cycle when guys keep coming back? We’ll offer tips and tricks on how to stop a buy from coming back into your life.
But before we dive into relationship tips, “what is he thinking breaking up and then getting back together?”
Well, since you asked…
Why Men Keep Coming Back Into Your Love Life
There are several reasons why men continue to come back to relationships, even when they don’t want to commit. So if you keep asking, “why does he keep coming back and then leaving?” These reasons can provide some clarity.
1. “I just want to keep having sex with her.”
Sadly, many of these on and off again relationships are insultingly simple. The guy just wants sex, or a friends with benefits type of relationship. Rather than admit that, he pretends to be interested in something real. But by the time he gets what he wants, he realizes he doesn’t want a committed relationship.
2. “I just love feeding her addiction to me. The power trip turns me on.”
Twisted indeed, some men literally keep coming back because they know their ex can’t resist them. He knows that no matter how s**tty he treats his ex, she will always open the door, listen, make up a bed, and give him chance after chance. He doesn’t want commitment, but he loves playing this mind game over and over again. He can…that’s why he does it. He doesn’t care that it will make things worse in the relationship and drive women crazy.
3. “Because no one else seems to want me at the moment and she’s a sure thing.”
Pathetic but true. He has gone fishing for other women and has come up short – to his surprise. So no wonder he is going back to you, trying to pretend as if he still has options out there. He keeps coming back because he wants to feel loved and can’t find another partner.
4. “I just don’t want to be alone.”
He may or may not have other bootycalls with women. But when it comes to saying goodnight…he’s downright miserable. He wants to stay the night. The truth is, he hates living alone and misses you…but only when he’s forced to be alone with his own thoughts. He doesn’t want to be left alone. The problem is with him, and really has nothing to do with you. It’s the equivalent of a boy who’s “scared of the dark” situation but in adult relationships.
5. “I need her…for something other than sex.”
Now this is where it gets super creepy. Some guys keep inserting themselves into your life for other reasons of greed and exploitation, and not necessarily sex. Money, knowledge, control, who knows? Gee, I hope he’s not CIA or KGB or something! It’s not uncommon for guys to keep showing up in your life for weeks or months after you broke up because he’s still trying to get something from you.
6. “I need to figure something out about myself. And she can help me do that!”
This is a somewhat different situation since the guy is not selfishly motivated, but just very confused. He doesn’t know what he wants from the relationship. He keeps coming back to you because he thinks maybe you can help him find the big revelation that will explain his love life. In short, he’s just using you for sex and for soul-searching. On that subject…
There’s also the guy that literally just treats you like his therapist – well, his therapist friend with benefits/relationship coach. He wants to tell you all his problems and figures you’re just fascinated by his life. He wants you to give him life advice and answer his life problems. He doesn’t want to pay for a therapist but does want someone to listen to him yak on for hours – and of course, you always have to take his side and never question his motives for spending time with you.
Are you really into free counseling at this stage in your life?
7. I don’t really want a relationship. And she doesn’t either!”
This reason might hurt. But it’s very possible that he just goes back to you all the time, because he assumes you’re as confused as he is. He doesn’t know what you call this weird “thing” between the two of you. But he figures it’s something and he enjoys it.
Unfortunately, that’s probably not what you want. You want a real relationship. You want something tangible, real, and with promise. With a payoff of marriage and family. But with him, that might never happen, and he doesn’t realize that is what you wanted. He may just want a weird “It’s Complicated” thing as long as you both enjoy experiencing this mutual confusion.
8. “I want her to take the lead in moving forward.”
Most guys are commitment-phobic and don’t want to get married. However, there is a small percentage of guys (like 5% maybe?) that do want commitment – but are just shy and a little nervous about pushing you towards marriage too fast.
Maybe he’s waiting for you to talk more about commitment. He wants to feel you out before he takes a big risk and goes for a proposal. He doesn’t want to scare you off or make your run, but thinks about moving forward all the time.
Yeah, it happens. So try to give him a chance to discuss it, if you sense he’s holding off. He could just be waiting for you to speak up and tell him you want him to stay.
But don’t kid yourself. A man who is commitment-phobic cannot hide it or fake it for very long. Over time, you will sense that either he loves you a lot and is carefully planning his future…or he’s just planning his exit. Keep an eye on his behavior and you’ll sense what he plans to do.
9. “Some girl treated me like crap…the way I treated you. Now I get it.”
This is another rarity but it does happen from time to time. Sometimes during a break, a man will learn humility. He will experience those same bitter “fruits” and will get the karmic revenge you always felt he deserved. Maybe he was treated poorly. Maybe he started thinking back to the way he treated you. Now he wants to make amends…and maybe rekindle what you once had. The guy keeps coming back because he does care and wants to spend his life with you.
The Real Question: Why Do You Want Him to Come Back?
In closing, remember that guys like this have no real power over you. So why does he stick around? The only reason they keep coming back is because you let them. They will always go after a “sure thing” resource once they find it. Guys want the benefits of a friend and romantic relationship without needing to commit. They may stick around for a day or week to months and years if you don’t stop him.
It’s up to you to be strong and decisive and say NO, if you are tired of these mind games and want him to stop coming back. Once you decide that you can do better, and that you’re bored of his predictable cycle of use and dispense, you can take back the power in the relationship.
Sure, that will attract him to you even more…but by now, you understand what he’s all about. And you’re not going to make the same mistake again, not with a productive and exciting NEW relationship on the horizon.
The 5 Word Phrase That Destroys a Man’s Love For You And Drives Him Out Of Your Life
There’s a simple 5 word phrase that will destroy any man’s love for you and drive him out of your life completely…
It usually comes out as an honest question when you want to connect with him…
But it only serves to push him away and slowly kill your relationship from the inside out…
It can take a man who is filled with love and passion for you…
And make him feel cold, distant, and uninterested…
Have you figured out what it is yet?
Many women send this as a text message when they’re feeling insecure…
And then are confused why he suddenly pulls away and disappears completely…
Most of the women who ask it don’t even know how harmful it is…
Yet it can take a relationship that seems like it’s perfect…
A relationship where you feel loved, cared for, and like you’ve finally found “the one”…
And overnight, it can tear that relationship apart…
Leaving you confused, frustrated, and heartbroken…
If you don’t know what this simple yet seemingly innocent question is…
I want you to stop what you’re doing and go watch this video presentation that I put together for you at the link below…
Click here to watch the video now <<
My name is Matthew Coast and I’ve been teaching in the dating industry since 2005…
I’ve helped hundreds of thousands of women, all over the world…
Get into relationships where they feel loved, seen, and cherished by the men they’re with…
When you click the link this link right here <<
I will show you what this 5 word phrase is…
I’ll teach you about why men pull away, how to stop it from happening…
And how to attract the man you want…
Into a relationship where you’re loved and adored and treated like a priority…
No matter how painful things have been in your past…
You can attract a great man and have a great relationship…
Just click the link on your screen and watch the video right now…
If you’re struggling with men pulling away from you…
If you’re tired of giving everything to a relationship and only being taken for granted…
And if you’re ready to have a man see you as a woman that he wants to be with forever…