Why Do Men Come Back After No Contact? 4 Reasons...

Why Do Men Come Back After No Contact? 4 Reasons…

So why do men come back after no contact? And do they always come back after no contact?

Call it a magic trick. Or call it one of life’s unsolved mysteries. But yes, more often than not if you decide to cut off all contact with a guy, he WILL come back to relationships. Statistically, anecdotally, it’s true. Men usually cave in first and come back after enough time passes. Still the question remains, why does he keep coming back if he doesn’t want a relationship? Whether he is curious or he misses you, your boyfriend will likely come back after no contact.

This “no contact” rule seems to work when dealing with the ex you still love OR in dealing with your cute guy crush. There’s no level of commitment required for the no contact rule to get men to come back. Men always come after you, if you decide to go quiet for a little while and let him live his life.

Go ahead and try the new contact rule, if you doubt the experiment works.

Do They Always Come Back After No Contact?

It’s simply human instinct, for one, that your friends will start to think about you when you decide to lay low and use the no contact rule. They’ll wonder if something’s happening in your life, something good or something bad. Or they might wonder if they said something to upset you. That’s human nature. Makes sense. And it will entice the guy to come back.

On the other hand, when you’re talking about men there’s also another factor at play. Men love to talk to women. Men are downright obsessive about giving women attention, especially if they feel strongly attracted.

In the back of a man’s mind during no contact, he’s always wondering questions like:

“Did I give up too soon?”
“Is she thinking about me?”
“I wonder if she’s testing me to see if I’ll respond first?”
“What if she wants me to text her first?”
“What if some other else is getting her number while I’m just sitting here doing nothing?”

And so on. You see what I mean? Yeah, that’s constantly going through a guy’s head. It’s true of men who feel attracted to you, all your guy crushes, AND it’s also true of ex-boyfriends who have already loved you once and are still confused about how they feel.

The odds are in your favor. Cheer up…this is all going to work out for you!

Guys do come back after no contact.

Let’s first discuss the WHY – why do men chase women? – and then the WHEN. When is he going to contact you if he hasn’t made his move yet?

Do Men Actually Chase and Will He Come Back After No Contact?

First, understand that men are programmed to chase women. Your boyfriend wants to chase you. They almost always take the initiative. Whether this is biological or socially ingrained remains up for debate. But we can all agree that men are usually the ones who pursue. It’s certainly observable in nature. In many species, males fight each other or strut around dramatically in order to attract females.

In the human world, men enjoy “chasing women”. There are usually no exceptions to this rule…perhaps the only difference is in the “style” of chasing. Men love to chase women because they enjoy feeling like romantic, sexy and adventurous lovers. It’s in our testosterone.

What they DO get tired of, or shall we say what does make them shy on occasion, is women who don’t give them a favorable response. Their instincts go from “I should talk to this woman and impress her!” to “Oh she doesn’t like me.”

Their instincts then tell him, “Hey let’s chase someone else…someone who actually responds to all this attention.”

But can you argue that men enjoy chasing women? If the woman he’s chasing shows favor to him, he can and will chase all night, all month, all year!

Not only then, are these guys curious about what happened to you but they also want to chase you—assuming of course you’re going to give them a favorable response.

Why Isn’t He Coming Back?

Now it is possible that the NO CONTACT period will last longer than you think. It can take time for a guy to realize that he does miss you and wants to come back. If your ex-boyfriend hasn’t contacted you yet, don’t fret over it. Ex-boyfriends need a longer “purging” time, but they do still drop by to see how you’re doing. Sometimes they just need time and space.

They might be busy enjoying their freedom, dating a “rebound girl”, or just clocking in longer hours at work. Single men do get back to you sooner than your ex, but the principle is the same that it takes time.

Why Do Men Come Back After No Contact?

In figuring out the “when”, try to understand “why” men come back in the first place and then you’ll get a pretty good estimate on the when.

So why do men come back after no contact?

1. He will come back when he realizes he has lost the freedom to talk to you openly and regularly. He wants it back.

Men are attracted to freedom and independence that come with no contact. The idea of him “losing you” will chip away at his pride and his desire to get back what he once had.

2. He will come back when the “mystery” of you becomes more powerful than the “you” he remembers.

Men are instinctively attracted to the “unknown”, rather than what is familiar. They love anticipation. Once he finds out that there is a “New You” who’s not at all like the old you he remembers, he will be just as attracted to you as an entirely new woman. It will motivate him to come back.

3. He will come back when he realizes that his previous relationship with you doesn’t have proper closure.

He wants to repair the relationship, he wants to gain back your friendship, he wants to make things right. That’s the desire that most men have to “fix things.” That’s also the point when he will come back and drop you a message out of the blue, when he realizes he still wants to be a part of your life and feels as if there is unfinished business. He’ll miss you as much as you miss him.

4. He will come back when he realizes that your NO CONTACT rule is so opposite of your previous relationship.

Predictability doesn’t merit a response during a no contact period. If you chase him, his natural impulse to “come back” will not be there. You’re becoming predictable, and the no contact rule won’t work. Once you change the pattern and decide not to pursue him at all, that strikes him as unpredictable. He takes notice. If he doesn’t, he might might scared. In that case, you’ll want to know the signs he wants you back but is scared.

Now assuming he doesn’t hate you (and most guys don’t) he will feel that disappointment, that sense of loss and curiosity. That’s usually enough to motivate him to reach out again and come back.

What to Do When Men Come Back

As we can see, if a man still has positive associations with you – and definitely if he still loves you – he will eventually stop the “shunning” and make contact with you. It’s the manly thing to do in the end. To stay part of your life, to make sure you’re doing okay, to keep the friendship going – this is what men want, whether that involves sex or not.

Men are more than likely going to make first contact and come back after a no contact period. The question is, can you build attraction again by giving them more of what they want? Don’t just attract your man. Don’t be content with letting him reach out once in a while. Encourage him to chase you and he will!

Send your ex this weird text if you want him back

Have you heard about Time Machine Texting yet?

With it, you’re able to shift your ex’s thoughts from all the reasons he wanted to breakup with you…

And transfer him back in time to remember and feel all the reasons he loved you in the first place.

Make him miss you and the emotional connection he had with you.

If you want your ex to come running back to you…

And fill his mind and heart with good memories of you…

Click here to learn more

Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

P.S. If you’re begging, crying, or trying to prove to him you’ve changed, you’re only pushing him further away.

Instead, use this text message…

Click here to learn more



35 thoughts on “Why Do Men Come Back After No Contact? 4 Reasons…”

  1. Sandy spranger

    Thank you Matthew for you insight into relationships and what to do under certain circumstances. My relationship is with a man I met on Christian Mingle. He lives in California and I live in Virginia. Also he travels with his job overseas often. He is planning on retiring in a year or so, all we basically have are our emails.
    You have helped me in many ways thank you

    1. How about he’s a narcissist and that’s what they do is hoover and come back .

      You have never addressed men with narcissism

      1. That’s the first thing that came to mind. I was really looking forward him to mention that “bad word”. I agree with you and await his response if he chooses to do so.

      2. Elaine
        They are the worst ones! The narcissist man needs his ego boost and when you don’t give him that he will do anything to get your attention after he does he gets bored and moves on. Do yourself a favor run fast and far and don’t look back. I’m sure you’re a wonderful woman with great qualities and there is a man out there who will love and appreciate and respect you for the wonderful woman that you are! Best of luck to you.
        Eleanor ( a Woman who has dealt with a narcissist and finally broke free)

        1. I totally agree with you. If he’s a narcissist why we will you wang them back? No way !! to go back to the same abused n derispect they lovee for you to chase them it built they’re ego n give them power to take mistreat you even more . Narcissist give you the silence treatment for you to get back at them n they have all the power again.. On that Note Thanks But No Thanks I rather wait for what deserved than settle for less …

          1. How do you get over him, I didn’t expect to feel this way for him. Other times I didn’t care or miss him. But I previously lost my favorite aunty as well. It’s so hard to sleep because I think of him. He told me to move forward. I almost asked my other ex of 17 years to rekindle. But deep down in my heart I just wanted the feeling of being held while I sleep. I sensed it was wrong and he is the father of my 4 kids. My narrcisst ex of 7 years now is who I am feeling confused about. He told me not to email him anymore but I did anyways and he hasn’t responded. Which maybe is a good thing for me not to be in contact. He reads alot of books and he uses the strategy that he reads. I also read alot and research how to respond and how he tries to use my words and make me feel like he says and tells me what to say in his own words but I also use reverse physiology. Idk how to feel sometimes. I will need the strength to not give into him again. It’s like he has these different personalities as he reads his books. Please give me advice. I would really appreciate that.

      3. Melissa Gilmore

        I would like to know too thank you for your question. Narcs are a different breed so would be helpful to have more information regarding this type

  2. I need your help I have been chatting with this guy for 5 mouths now and I have kids and he has kids and we both leave 45 mins away from each other he all was calls me i never call him bk and he won’ts to meet up i really like him but I don’t no if I should open up cos I think he just won’ts sex he said he has been single for over 2 years and that he has not had a gf and I don’t no what to think of it all

    1. Talk to him about what he wants. Go out to dinner, have a relationship talk with him. Then follow your gut instinct. Good luck!

  3. Delianne Vizcarrondo

    Thank you I will apply this I’ve been talking with this guy who is my friends cousin and we started clicking at least from my perspective but these last couple of weeks he seemed distant disinterested so I started giving him space not talking as much but now he doesn’t seem to pursue me or look for me as much as he did before perhaps he thinks he won me over and is taking me for granted but I’ll apply this hopefully his interest returns and we can move things forward

  4. Natasha Wilson

    I was in a 8 year relationship…He always picks me up to.let me down…Ive decided to let it all go, but he called asking me what would it take for him to have me? Which confused me after he ghosted me for about two weeks…I answered YOU don’t know what you want, He then said my bad an I said ok an we haven’t talked since….Could somebody explain what the hell that was about…im lost

    1. Nice that he called Natasha. You told him how he felt by saying. “You don’t know what you want”. What is a better phrase than telling him that might be “It feels good hearing your voice”. He’s reaching out so if you care for him let him ask you about what you have been doing. Say I’ve been at the gym, or taking long walks in the evening, or helping a friend. You have been busy not waiting around. Plus 2 weeks isn’t that long. Just don’t tell him he doesn’t know what he wants. Assume in your heart he is present because he wants You. Work on that part of feelings. Get him to ask you out for lunch next week. Go slow be courted. Make it fun.

    2. He’s a narcissist red flags all over! Why did you breakup in the first place? Is this a pattern of behavior? Withholding attention or affection to gain control or “upper hand” in relationship?

  5. I am friends with my ex, but I still have strong feelings for him. We talk everyday messaging and once in a while by phone or video. I realized for the most part its me initiating contact. I am going to do this and see what happens. I used to feel like I NEEDED him but i have grown as a person and I am not the same person I was when we were together or split up. I realize I simply WANT him. I don’t know if this will help, but everything else Matthew says is always on point, so I am definitely going to put this no contact in place.

    1. Vicki
      I just got divorced after 33 years of marriage and I was talking to my ex husband every day and I thought I wanted him back. I realized I didn’t want him back for anything but the fact that he was familiar to me and I was scared to take the next step without him. If you are the one initiating contact then definitely put the no contact rule in place and take it from there. In the meantime you should try to focus on yourself and I believe that you will see things more clearly as to what you really do want. Best of luck to you!

      1. Sharon D Freeman

        My thing is after two and half years my ex started texting me out of the blue. I don’t really know what he wants from me.He left me for another woman I thought I don’t know what happened with them Then I find out later he had relations with my ex daughter in law she got mad at me and told me about it. I hadn’t had sex but 1 time in 3 years I slept with him before I knew this. But when I told him I knew he said Sharon you did some things to in our relationship she had told him so many lies that I had slept with different people he still texts me but him sleeping with her really was like a slap in the face. He always wanting me come over (I dont) he says he wants touch and rub me but I think he just wants sex because there’s Noone else he messing with physically right now. I don’t know what he wants from me

  6. My ex/current said he wanted to take a break. I have tried the no contact rule but I broke it twice only because I had a gift for his daughter that I ordered before the break. He said we will meet up and then canceled at last minute. I have not reached out again since then. Before he wanted the break he said i was the one and he didn’t want to lose me, but I am going crazy on weather i should take this break as to move on or have hope that he will accept what he told me before the break and want to continue to be together. I feel like I am in limbo and not sure if I should move on, but I really don’t want to and just wish he could see the person I have grown into now after the break and maybe he would see that he has been a fool. How do I get him to know the new me without being pushy?

    1. It doesn’t hurt to meet other guys. Unless you are stuck on him. It’s also possible he will change his mind when he realizes you aren’t just sitting there waiting for him. Hope it works out.

  7. My experience with this is that the man I was dating just “thought I’d always be there”! When I finally quit contact & went on with my life I met THE man and eventually married him. THEN the first fellow was all about me. Too bad buddy! Should’ve realized how wonderful I am and acted on it!

  8. What about when you break up with Mr. Big Ego? There’s no need for him to return. I’ve got my eyes open for a better someone.

    1. Narcissism highly misdiagnosed in our industry… too many people are using it to objectify someone because they’re doing something they don’t like or they aren’t interested in you or he’s doing something that’s pretty normal for lots of people but someone on the internet told you that is a common narcissist trait. So we don’t use that term around here very often since it’s just too often misdiagnosed and used for the wrong reasons.

      1. Hi Matthew… I appreciate that you are responsible in sharing your knowledge of dating and relationships and avoid using psychological terms such as narcissism, etc. You have a specific purpose on your site..helping people connect into committed relationships and sharing information on that subject. There is a boundary between “psychological diagnosis” terms which I think you are wise to avoid… people need to seek a professional therapist if they need that kind of feedback. Thanks for sharing your expertise with us… it would be wonderful if it all works every time… but reality always predicts the unpredictable! Assumptions confuse reality… we humans are complicated creatures!! Best Colleen Ryder

      2. But unfortunately some people are narcissists. 7.7 % of the male population.
        The no contact rule has worked for me more than once, even when I didn’t want it to lol-
        but for those of us unfortunate enough to date a true narcissist it IS a classic trait to try to pursue again as soon they as they see you moving on, especially if you are genuinely happy without them.
        I agree with some commenters that a sidenote section ,when you’re addressing issues that are also considered to be classic exhibitions for certain personality disorders could be helpful. Getting caught in the cycle of narcissistic pursue and discard is not healthy for anyone.

  9. So I have done so many things wrong. I tried no contact and was doing well for 2 weeks. I have really strong feelings for this guy that developed after he shared so many strong feelings with me before turning cold. He wanted to not talk anymore and I was really upset about it. I maintained minimal friendly communication with him but it was one sided. Well, after two weeks of no communication, I found him on a new social media platform he wanted me to join for a while. He started messaging me and wanted to end 2021 with a “bang”. Red flags! I started talking relationship and he didn’t seem interested but wanted sex. Our situationship has been something of bad timing and we seemed attached for a while and I couldn’t let go of the attachment. I tried to make a case for a relationship with him and he suddenly tells me that he met someone else! It really hurt me to hear this, but it definitely helped me to not want to pursue him. We would be really good for each other but unfortunately the circumstances that our situationship was created prevented us from getting into a real relationship. What are the odds that we would end up together in the future? What could I do to increase these odds?

  10. I’ve been dating a widower for 9 months. His adult children have been horrible to me. Otherwise I think we had a wonderful relationship. His kids forced him to chose between me or them. The widower hates conflict and will not stand up to them. He says he doesn’t know what he wants, and we’re taking a break. I don’t see anything changing, but I’ll give it some time and no contact.
    We’ll see.

  11. My bf of 2 years said he needed time. This was 3 months ago. I have him the time he needed which was practically no contact (he never requested ‘no contact’, he just stopped contacting me), we only text a handful of times over the last 3 months. I don’t even know if we’re still together or if he even wants me. He’s not chasing me. I’ve requested that we meet up to talk things through and he’s even being vague on that too. Please can you help? I don’t know what to do. He’s not trying to be closer to me. I don’t want to just leave him, we had 2 years and I thought he was my soulmate, but if he’s not interested then I need to know even if it breaks my heart.

  12. Hello
    So its been a month since my Ex left. He said he still wanted to be friends. There were a few instances where we have had contact because of previously planned events like his sons birthday and his father’s wedding. I was still invited and simply went not to see him but the people involved. Plus any time there have been messages, its always been him reaching out first. Granted they are mostly related to some of his things or his kids. What I’m wondering is, if later on, I’ve done the work on myself that I know I need to. And If he can do the same for himself. If there still a chance we can work it out. We didn’t split on a bad note or anything. But there is a lot of things that would need to change for both of us.

  13. I have been talking to a guy for about 4 months. It started off very intense- talking every day, good morning and good night texts, talking about everything and it has gradually decreased and it feels now that I am the only one trying to even keep it going. It is a very long distance thing- we have never met in person but we hit it off chatting and talking on the phone. I don’t know whether to just call it off and move on or keep trying as it felt like we had a connection and definitely sparks. He has stopped initiating contact as often although if I don’t initiate anything after a few days he will finally say something but it usually fizzles out pretty quickly if I don’t keep it going. Having an actual conversation with him feels like pulling teeth and it will sometimes take hours before he responds at all. I’m not sure whether to call it out and ask if he’s just not interested anymore or just leave it alone and move on. He may really be busy or have other things going on. But it is very different now than when we first began talking. Any advice?

  14. Hi,
    Was talking to an old friend that I haven’t seen for over 30 years. We seemed to have clicked. The banter, had things in common. But he seems to have trust issues from his previous relationship with his ex wife. Didn’t give out his mobile, nothing much on hid Facebook.

    I think I sent out all the needy vibes as he started to back off.
    I ended up finding his mobile and messaged him.
    He got angry called me sick etc then blocked me.

    Couple weeks later I emailed him. He never responded.

    How do I get him back into my life, as I think he maybe the only connection with a guy. Don’t want to loose him as a friend or more if possible.

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