Why Do Men Come Back After No Contact

Call it a magic trick. Or call it one of life’s unsolved mysteries. But yes, more often than not if you decide to cut off all contact with a guy, he WILL come back. Statistically, anecdotally, it’s true. Men usually cave in first and come back after enough time passes.

This “no contact” rule seems to work when dealing with the ex you still love OR in dealing with your cute guy crush. There’s no level of commitment required. Men always come after you, if you decide to go quiet for a little while.

Go ahead and try it, if you doubt the experiment works.

It’s simply human instinct, for one, that your friends will start to think about you when you decide to lay low. They’ll wonder if something’s happening, something good or something bad. Or they might wonder if they said something to upset you. That’s human nature. Makes sense.

On the other hand, when you’re talking about men there’s also another factor at play. Men love to talk to women. Men are downright obsessive about giving women attention, especially if they feel strongly attracted.

In the back of a man’s mind he’s always wondering questions like:

“Did I give up too soon?”
“Is she’s thinking about me?”
“I wonder if she’s testing me to see if I’ll respond first?”
“What if she wants me to text her first?”
“What if some other else is getting her number while I’m just sitting here doing nothing?”

And so on. You see what I mean? Yeah, that’s constantly going through a guy’s head. It’s true of men who feel attracted to you, all your guy crushes, AND it’s also true of ex-boyfriends who have already loved you once and are still confused about how they feel.

The odds are in your favor. Cheer up…this is all going to work out for you!

Let’s first discuss the WHY – why do men chase women? – and then the WHEN. When is he going to contact you if he hasn’t made his move yet?

Do Men Actually Chase?

First, understand that men are programmed to chase women. They almost always take the initiative. Whether this is biological or socially ingrained remains up for debate. But we can all agree that men are usually the ones who pursue. It’s certainly observable in nature. In many species, males fight each other or strut around dramatically in order to attract females.

In the human world, men enjoy “chasing women”. There are usually no exceptions to this rule…perhaps the only difference is in the “style” of chasing. Men love to chase women because they enjoy feeling like romantic, sexy and adventurous lovers. It’s in our testosterone.

What they DO get tired of, or shall we say what does make them shy on occasion, is women who don’t give them a favorable response. Their instincts go from “I should talk to this woman and impress her!” to “Oh she doesn’t like me.”

Their instincts then tell him, “Hey let’s chase someone else…someone who actually responds to all this attention.”

But can you argue that men enjoy chasing women? If the woman he’s chasing shows favor to him, he can and will chase all night, all month, all year!

Not only then, are these guys curious about what happened to you but they also want to chase you—assuming of course you’re going to give them a favorable response.

Why Hasn’t He Come Back Yet?

Now it is possible that the NO CONTACT period will last longer than you think. If your ex-boyfriend hasn’t contacted you yet, don’t fret over it. Ex-boyfriends need a longer “purging” time, but they do still drop by to see how you’re doing. They might be busy enjoying their freedom, dating a “rebound girl”, or just clocking in longer hours at work. Single men do get back to you sooner than your ex, but the principle is the same.

In figuring out the “when”, try to understand “why” men come back in the first place and then you’ll get a pretty good estimate on the when.

1. He will come back when he realizes he has lost the freedom to talk to you openly and regularly. He wants it back.

Men are attracted to freedom and independence. The idea of him “losing you” will chip away at his pride and his desire to get back what he once had.

2. He will come back when the “mystery” of you becomes more powerful than the “you” he remembers.

Men are instinctively attracted to the “unknown”, rather than what is familiar. They love anticipation. Once he finds out that there is a “New You” who’s not at all like the old you he remembers, he will be just as attracted to you as an entirely new woman.

3. He will come back when he realizes that his previous relationship with you doesn’t have proper closure.

He wants to repair the relationship, he wants to gain back your friendship, he wants to make things right. That’s the desire that most men have to “fix things.” That’s also the point when he will come back and drop you a message out of the blue, when he realizes he still wants to be a part of your life and feels as if there is unfinished business.

4. He will come back when he realizes that your NO CONTACT rule is so opposite of your previous relationship.

Predictability doesn’t merit a response. If you chase him, his natural impulse to “come back” will not be there. You’re becoming predictable. Once you change the pattern and decide not to pursue him at all, that strikes him as unpredictable. He takes notice.

Now assuming he doesn’t hate you (and most guys don’t) he will feel that disappointment, that sense of loss and curiosity. That’s usually enough to motivate him to reach out again.

As we can see, if a man still has positive associations with you – and definitely if he still loves you – he will eventually stop the “shunning” and make contact with you. It’s the manly thing to do in the end. To stay part of your life, to make sure you’re doing okay, to keep the friendship going – this is what men want, whether that involves sex or not.

Men are more than likely going to make first contact. The question is, can you build attraction again by giving them more of what they want? Don’t just attract your man. Don’t be content with letting him reach out once in a while. Encourage him to chase you and he will!

About The Author

Matthew Coast

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