3 Signs He Wants You Back But is Scared

It’s a statistical phenomenon that couples who break up will oftentimes get back together. Couples might break up for a while, see other people, but then eventually come back into each other’s arm, ready for marriage, family and the works.

Odd, isn’t it? Wouldn’t a heart-wrenching break up be the final say on a relationship? How can you go from pain back to pleasure, as if nothing’s happened?

How about those couples that get together, break up, and then never speak to each other again, for as long as they live? Yeah that happens too!

There is no easy answer here. We’re all wired differently. Some guys you meet always have to leave first and they never give you the “closure” that you want. Some guys HAVE to leave and they never look back because it’s the only way they can process the grief and move on. Some guys leave because of the conquest, the feeling of power. Sure, they are some real a-holes out there, no question.

You never really know what goes on in another person’s mind…sometimes all you can do is accept it. Not excusing their behavior, mind you, but simply accepting that this is what they want and that’s how it’s got to be.

On that subject though, how DO you know when your ex wants you back? The same ex who you once loved, then hated, and maybe still love deep down?

This is a tricky situation because exes do tend to avoid each other. The very idea of being friends with your ex is controversial. Quite a few relationship counselors might tell you the idea of staying friends with an ex is dangerous – particularly if it was an abusive or dysfunctional relationship.

Let’s say your case is unique. Maybe you had a good relationship going but for various complicated reasons, things had to end. He wanted to stay friends and over time, you both came to a place of mutual respect.

But you notice sometimes that he still seems to be in love with you. He still wants to talk. He still acts like the man you remember, the one you loved. How do you know if it’s real? Is he faking it? Or is it possible you’re reading too much into his friendship?

Before we consider some signs, let’s discuss the reasons why some couples break up and get back together and others don’t.

I Love You, I Hate You

Oftentimes dysfunctional relationships will take several “tries” to permanently dissolve. The dynamic is almost an addiction. No real positivity comes from the relationship besides sex and emotional intensity. But every time you lose him, you want him back. If your previous relationship was characterized by feelings of anxiety, terror or suffering, then rest assured he doesn’t want you back, and you don’t want him back. You’re both simply afraid of living without each other, afraid of moving forward.

Some couples actually go through an experimental breakup. They see their partner lacking in some way. They both go out and meet other people and satisfy their sexual or emotional curiosity. But then they discover that the new partner is not a very big improvement. They still feel lonely and lost. And then it hits them…I was happier back with him (or her)!

What then if your relationship was mostly positive but still ended on a respectful note? How do you know if your boyfriend wants you back but is too afraid to ask for a second chance?

Pay attention to these signs, which are telling.

1. He is always in contact with you.

If your ex is always texting, phoning or meeting you in person about something (even if it seems like a silly excuse) then he is probably interested in getting back together…or perhaps working up the courage to ask.

2. He isn’t dating anyone else.

The usual response from an angry or vengeful ex is to tell you about all the new people he’s dating. That’s why doing the opposite – not dating anyone else and focusing his attention on you – is a good sign. He wants you back and he’s no longer distracted by other pursuits.

3. He’s trying to impress you again.

An ex boyfriend (or even ex-husband) that wants you back should be willing to do the work. An ex who is serious about getting back together with you will chase you, will charm you, and will make his intentions known.

But most importantly, he will show evidence of change, growth and maturity. He knows that in order to win you back he must work for it. He has to impress you, beyond talk, and beyond speeches. He has to show you that he’s changed and that he really wants you this time.

Your instincts are probably to distrust him, especially if he’s the one that left first. He knows this and so he will be determined to show evidence of his new and improved personality. He will try to look more attractive. He will change his perspective. He will meet you MORE than half way because he wants you that badly.

So the point is, don’t give your ex freebies. If your ex really wants you back, he won’t be scared to show his interest. He will be motivated to prove himself worthy of you. That’s the kind of spirit you want to see him.

Bad relationships do sometimes continue, even after a breakup, because the woman allows the man to stay actively involved in his life. But why? If he’s not trying to impress you, or work for your approval, and is just using you as a resource, (or worse as a possible friend with benefits) then he’s still exploiting your feelings for him.

You don’t have to be nasty, you don’t have to shun him for the rest of your life. But if you’re searching for love, and your ex is NOT trying to win you back with a genuine effort, it’s time to stay busy and to explore new opportunities. Put the past behind you and move forward.

About The Author

Matthew Coast

What's stopping you from meeting Mr Right and having the relationship you want? Click here to take the quiz.

Leave A Response

* Denotes Required Field