What Is He Thinking During No Contact?

The NO CONTACT rule is difficult to start, but once you and your ex both agree to stop interacting with each other (and yes social media counts!) it’s an easy concept to understand.

You ignore him, he ignores you. Neither of you want to be clingy and overly concerned about the other person. Neither make the first move initiating contact. You simply allow each other to have your freedom, no questions asked, no checking in – just an actual “break”!

Now here’s where it gets challenging. You know in the back of your mind that he’s thinking about you. You’re certainly thinking about him. Even if you try to put him out of your mind, you can’t seem to stop obsessing over him – what he’s doing, if he’s happy, if he’s forgotten you, whom he’s dating, and so on.

Well how about this? Since I know you’re probably aching to know what’s going on in his mind, and you’re so tempted to ask him, I’m going to list nine things he’s probably thinking. So no more curiosity!

Sure, all men are unique but many men actually have similar thought patterns after a break up. Instead of you breaking your NO CONTACT rule, read over some of his thoughts. Then we’ll reconvene and discuss the next step.

1. “She’s ignoring me. Well fine, two can play at that game. I won’t talk to her unless she talks to me first.”

Yes, he knows what you’re doing. And usually, a man’s competitive nature (as well as his desire to give you what you want) will help him “win”. He won’t initiate contact until you give him something, some kind of positive signal.

2. “Why isn’t she saying anything at all? Doesn’t she care about me, whether I’m alive or dead?!”

Now the pity party starts. He is offended at the idea of you NOT needing him, worshiping him, or crying over him. He becomes dramatic and figures you don’t care about him at all. Good, now he’s starting to feel yearning for you.

3. “Fine, I don’t need her. I’ll just find someone else. I don’t even care anymore.”

At some point, a man will retreat into a cave of self-pity, figuring that he will stop caring about you if you have stopped caring about him. He’ll either try to serial date other women or just become the “asexual” type of guy who has given up on relationships entirely. Either way, he’s NOT progressing. He’s still very much addicted to you and probably stalking you in secret.

4. “Later on, she’s going to regret leaving me. I’ll become successful and she’ll wish we were still together!”

Yes, the next stage is when he tries out-do you, hoping to become a better version of himself, someone successful and happy. Yeah but chances are he’s NOT going to do that. Many men actually have a hard time focusing on self-improvement and redefining their perspective and their approach to relationships. He’s all talk at this point, very little action.

5. “Oh God…I lost her. But I really loved her!”

He will eventually realize that he’s made big mistakes and will regret losing you. He might not admit how he feels, not to himself nor to you. But he will definitely feel the grief and he will soon realize much of the relationship’s negativity came from him. How he responds to that is the real question.

6. “Something must be going on…she’s acting so weird!”

As soon as you start changing and talking about your new life, he will start to feel jealous, insecure and a little panicked. He knows something is different about you. And here’s the thing, most women only undergo minor changes. New hairstyle, vacation, etc. So imagine how he feels when he sees that you’ve been making HUGE changes. It will feel as if he doesn’t even know you anymore.

7. “Is she dating someone else? Who is he?!”

Right about the time he misses you, he will realize that you’re single and he will immediately resent whatever man gets your attention. He doesn’t want you…but he wants to kick the butt of your boyfriend! Sounds like jealousy, right?

8. “I miss the good times.”

The moment of maturity comes. He knows you had good times and bad times. Most of all, he misses the good memories he had with you. Don’t be surprised if he tries to remember the past when he’s talking to you.

9. “I wish we could be friends again.”

Finally, he decides he wants to be friends. This is actually taking baby steps towards a relationship. Most exes don’t want to stay close friends. Maybe casual friends (as in talking to someone a couple of times a year), but intimate friendships between exes is not normal. What he actually means is that he’s trying to work on recreating attraction and love. It just might take some time for both of you.

Now that you know what he’s thinking, the question is what is the next step? You know he wants you back – or at the very least, he’s dying to talk to you and find out what’s been happening in your life.

Since you initiated the NO CONTACT rule, you can be the first one to message him when you’re ready. However, don’t contact him for a significant period of time if you want this to work. Months or even a year would be a normal period of “detoxing” from him.

This will also give you a chance to restructure your life and start to implement the changes you want to make, so that you can become the more successful woman you’re destined to become.

He may or may not want you back if you go back to the relationship as the same woman he remembers. But if he sees you transform into a better version of yourself, a new woman who has achieved all of her life goals, he will be amazed at the new you. You will then have the clout to redefine the relationship on your own terms and that’s what will make it work the second time around.

About The Author

Matthew Coast

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