Have you ever wondered what triggers emotional attraction in a man?
Guys are biologically inclined to find beauty in women. Whenever a pretty woman walks down the street, sure, a guy will turn around and notice. He may also be a sucker for a pretty face on TV or the internet.
He has desires. He likes the feeling of impressing a pretty woman, and being confident, funny, masculine and the whole nine yards. It’s not a secret that men fantasize about being a stallion, the big red rooster who likes romancing a bunch of hens.
But guess what? It’s just a fantasy for most men. It’s nothing even close to a true romance or anything close to his heart.
Sex is not even directly connected with a real romantic experience. Even the most lowdown womanizer you can think of, he’s not “falling in love” with all these different women. He’s not having strong emotional experiences with them, and he’s not bonding with anyone he meets.
He intentionally avoids that. Sure, maybe he likes playing mind games or mindlessly flirting. Emotional attraction, maybe. But real emotional connection? Zip. Nada. Nothing.
That’s the shield of armor he wears.
And when you understand that, you also understand WHY a lot of men out there are just not interested in you. It’s not because of physical imperfection, or because you lack something they want.
It has nothing to do with you. It’s because that moment hasn’t happened yet.
They might literally just see you as a pretty face but have no idea who you are, or what emotional connection might exist between the two of you…the one you see, but that he does not see. He doesn’t feel it.
And so you’re just a pretty face. You’re just a “turn, stop and look” moment. And yeah, maybe he might desire you sexually, but without an emotional connection, it will never progress beyond just a moment.
That’s why you must engage him emotionally, if you want to be remembered and pursued.
In this discussion, we’re going to talk about two stages: emotional engagement and emotional connection.
What Triggers Emotional Engagement
Men want to have their emotions stimulated if they’re going to “notice” you beyond just another pretty face. Your goal in meeting a guy you like should be to look good and then stand out from the crowd in a positive way.
When he sees something interesting about your personality, or your unique look, he will notice you emotionally. You instantly become a step above “most girls” and become a “higher value” prospect – someone he just doesn’t encounter every day.
There are many ways to engage him emotionally such as:
• Surprising him (in a positive way)
• Doing something kind for someone else
• Showing your finest qualities, like honesty, loyalty, devotion, etc.
• Highlighting a hobby, skill, or an interesting career
• Talking passionately about something
• Raising a question
• Making a funny comment
• Noticing something about him and then challenging him about it in a funny way
• Playfully competing against him
• Talking about something you have in common
• Being friendly but also a little mysterious
These are all instances of emotional engagement – and they work! Men are more inclined to start a conversation if you catch their interest by being different.
It also makes conversation easier to flow and happen naturally. There’s no need to flirt or say anything awkward when you actually have something in common and can connect in that way.
Granted, emotionally engaging
What Triggers Emotional Connection
So it requires some effort to engage a man emotionally. But it can be done with some creative thinking. The real challenge comes later, when you begin to emotionally connect, beyond just attraction, and actually bond together in mind, heart, and soul.
Naturally, conversing for hours at a time and spending lots of time together creates an emotional connection. But just being there for him isn’t always enough. After all, you don’t want to be his therapist!
Instead, try to think of bonding and emotionally connecting, as a five step formula:
1. Don’t just think in terms of what he can do for you – even if he seems to enjoy pleasing you. Show him that you care about his needs, desires, and his happiness too.
It might surprise you to know that a lot of guys are caught off guard by a woman who’s sincerely interested in getting to know them. A lot of guys “act the part” but rarely ever share anything honest about their feelings – because they’re hardly ever asked.
2. Get him to a vulnerable stage where he shares his feelings and opinions with you openly.
You can start the routine, by sharing your own thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Over time, as he gets to trust you, he will start to do the same. He will look forward to sharing everything with you, from his taboo thoughts, to his secret dreams, and even the cutesy stuff he would never tell anyone else. Draw him out emotionally, letting him know he’s safe.
3. Become a better listener. Remember things about him, and conversations you’ve had.
It’s one thing to show empathy and listen intently. But one of the best ways to show someone you care is to remember the details he shares with you. Try to take mental notes of names, dates, recurring phrases, places, and events. Rather than just nod or answer in one syllable (which is what we all kind of do on instinct) try to repeat the information he gives you, and ask questions, just to make sure you understand what he’s saying. He will appreciate the fact that you’re not just listening, but remembering the important things.
4. Don’t just show interest in his LIFE – show interest in his hobbies and dreams.
It’s not enough to accept him or to be proud of everything he is. In addition to that, make an effort to support him in the things he cares about. Like his dreams, his life goals, passions, and even the hobbies that he enjoys. Do you take an interest in this part of his life, even if it’s not something you relate to? Do you still enjoy asking him about it and getting him to share? Do you like making him feel proud of himself and enthusiastic about his life?
5. Show him that you’re in this relationship together, invested and determined.
Finally, know that you can build a stronger emotional connection by approaching the budding relationship as a team effort – a 50/50 partnership.
This means not only are the two of you united in purpose, but you’re also finding common ground and very similar aims in life. You not only share some of the same values, but also FIND things to do together, to enjoy together, and that brings you closer.
In conclusion, what’s the big secret for keeping a man forever? It’s not complicated. It’s just a matter of making him FEEL those positive emotions, first at the stage of attraction, then going deeper into his heart, where he hides his secrets.
Love is nothing, without passion, emotion, and a zest for life. That’s what you’re aiming for!
Have you heard about The Heartbreak Treadmill?
This is the mistake that women make that make good men lose interest and feel like they want to pull away and disappear on you.
You can learn more about it here…
There are 4 things that you can do to get on The Heartbreak Treadmill…
This makes you feel like you’re giving everything to a man or a relationship.
And if you’re like most women, all you’ll receive for it is…
Being taken for granted…
Treated like an option…
And put as a secondary priority in a man’s life…
And I don’t want that for you.
P.S. If you want to make sure you stay off The Heartbreak Treadmill and instead have your man pursue you for a committed relationship, click the link below…
6 thoughts on “What Triggers Emotional Attraction in a Man”
This is extremely helpful! I just realized that my relationship is somewhere in the emotional connection stage… but what if we will be 5000 miles apart for at least another 3 months? I am the one who is away (not by choice). Does that mean this connection cannot really happen until I return? We have known each other for 20 years, have been in a relationship (some in presence and some long distance) for the past 1 1/2 years. Matthew, if you have other advice I would really appreciate. Thanks
Am seeing this guy we have been friends for years .we went to school together and dated in our 20s and 30s, then I moved away.when I moved back he found out and got ahold of me and we have spend time together everyday. We are in friendship, but I would like more. He is the problem I believe.he is blind now and has ED. I believe he won’t let himself get in a committed relationship because of this . I have told him it doesn’t matter to me and i meanthat.
He says he wants to but his afraid to because we have a special friendship he doesn’t want to ruin that.
Notice his efforts and complement him. Tell him when he looks good. Laugh together. Let him show you his world and really listen. Because of this you become closer. They do want to share … but only with someone special. When he starts to talk about his family, kids, things he likes to do…..he wants to be closer to you and trusts you.
Love is in the air ……. it’s very special ……. hold on to it close to your heart
I met a man and it wasn’t even like a first date I felt so comfortable with him. It became a long distance relationship and lasted 3/4 months. Naturally I became needy in the sense of feeling his arms around me. Who wouldn’t.
I run a charity . I help people . He called me his mystery woman. Somehow I think I might have blown it as I have been blocked. 4 months now. He said he adored me and was crazy about me. We didn’t have to try we talked about family hobbies interests etc;
Canada to England killed it.
Wow! I find this to be very interesting and helpful. Learning how people really connect w/ one another and eventually become friends and then soulmates is a deeply-rooted issue we all should explore, whether we are married or single.
Every part of this makes sense & very helpful in understanding a guys perspective when falling in love . With me ALL the signs are there that he is emotionally investing / bonding with me & he lives in the USA & I’m in U.K. . We have been talking almost daily , sometimes 5-7 hrs at a time . But I am concerned about our age difference , although his wife was a lot older than him & unfortunately died. The age gap is 30 yrs . I would appreciate your advice plz Matthew . Thanks ❤️