We all have him–you know who I’m talking about. That one guy who we can’t stop thinking about, who makes us feel all giggly and quiet like we’re in seventh grade again. Whether he’s the regular at your favorite bar or your most recent match on the dating apps, he makes you feel fluttery and uncertain.
We’ve all been there, and it’s easy to get lost in the spiral of questions. We want to know how to dress to get a boyfriend, what to say, or even how to get a boyfriend over text. These questions can be even trickier when you’re shy, and the truth is, shyness can come from a sense of self-doubt.
When it comes to love, it’s all about timing and connection, and being shy doesn’t bode well for those two points. By the time you finally feel comfortable, you may have missed your opportunity. When you embrace yourself and find a way to authentically express it early on, you’re more likely to attract a partner aligned with your goals and values.
How to Break Out of Your Shell
No one is expecting you to unload your life’s story on the first date. You don’t need to be bold, winking and strutting to get attention. It’s okay to ease into a conversation, and it’s okay to spend the first few minutes at a social gathering just getting the lay of the land.
Consider how you carry yourself. If you’re folding into yourself, crossing your arms or scowling, you’re sending a message without even speaking. Be mindful of what you’re communicating. Be attentive and relaxed, and smiling never hurts. Smiling can be an invitation—a quick smile at someone you’re interested in is often enough to get him to come to you if he’s also interested.
Meet Him Where He’s At
If you’re out and a man approaches you, feel it out. Aside from your usual shyness, are you attracted to him? Is he displaying any behaviors or traits that you appreciate? It’s okay to reciprocate his energy as authentically as you can. You don’t need to initiate—you can enjoy the moment when it presents itself.
Moving forward, correspondence can be over text or phone calls. A good rule of thumb is to never do more than the man initiates. If he’s interested and behaves like a mature, proactive adult, he will make his intentions known. You can be as proactive as he is, and to someone who is more reserved, it can feel like you finally have permission to reciprocate. Take it!
However, you don’t want to appear disinterested in someone you want to know better. If he initiates with a good morning text one day, you can do the next. Take those small steps and when things are on even ground, you won’t have to worry that you’re doing too much.
At the end of the day, you have to listen to your gut. If something is off or you aren’t interested, it is more than acceptable to excuse yourself from a situation. And of course, on the other side of things, your gut can lead you in the right direction!
Once you have your dating goals sorted out, it’s easier to trust yourself. You can turn down men who perpetuate toxic dating habits you’re ready to break, and you can give an emphatic “yes!” to the man who is everything you’ve been looking for. How do you line up your dating goals? How do you identify those toxic patterns early on?
Commitment Connection is devoted to helping women untangle their past dating mistakes and uncover insights to find a perfect match. Our mission is to empower women to understand themselves and align their values to their dating practices. If you’re ready to live your best life—and possibly find the love of that life—Commitment Connection is ready to help.