How to Be NAUGHTY (Without Feeling Like a Slut)

There’s something very sexy about a dangerous woman. The way she flirts, her “devil may care” attitude. A man LOVES the idea that he’s dating someone “naughty”.

But then again, there’s the “slutty” girl that no one respects. The one who’s too desperate, too shameless. Guys seem to look at her in pity, thinking they can do better.

What gives? Why is it that guys seem to love naughty but then arbitrarily decide they don’t like “slutty”? And what does slutty mean anyway, considering that guys have the right to sleep around but a woman who does the same thing is always mocked and hated?

There are two issues here. First, the idea of slut shaming. This is a direct result of what happens when we train women to be ashamed of their bodies and ashamed of their pleasure. We give permission to men to experiment, to make mistakes, and to learn…and yet we, as a society, judge women for doing the same thing.

The predominant male fantasy is for him to have lots of sex and then meet the one pure (or almost pure) virgin who falls in love with him. Women are, by social construct, expected to be faithful and to be patient, waiting for the “right one.” Of course this is a ridiculous double standard.

Pleasure is pleasure and we all have a right to search for pleasure. So what, men and women are different biologically speaking. But to hate a woman for desiring and expressing her sexuality – just because a man is threatened by it – is the epitome of sexism. That’s obvious.

Now that’s the first issue. There is no such thing as a slut. The second issue, and the more important one, is “Why does a guy lose interest in a woman who’s “easy” and yet fawn over the woman who’s naughty but not so easy?”

Forget about what’s fair…let’s just think about, Why does this happen? What’s the psychology behind a guy who wants sex on the first date, desires a sexual partner that can keep up with him, but also wants her to be a “challenge”?

In simple words, slutty is TOO EASY. Men don’t want a relationship that’s too easy. Naughty means “fun…challenging” and having a more complex view of sex.

Let’s discuss a few ways how smart women learn the art of being naughty, without coming across as sleazy, desperate or clingy.

1. Naughty women resist; slutty girls surrender.

The one characteristic of easy or slutty girls that most men seem to dislike is that they “surrender”. They seduce. They try really hard to show the man that they want him. These girls allow the man to dominate them, usually just for a one night stand. So he gives them what they want – total control and easy sex. Big surprise that when it’s over, he loses interest!

Now the woman who plays naughty teases a man with the possibility. She plays hard to get because even though she does find him attractive, and makes that known to him, she also “resists” him. She resists his advances, even though she encourages him to continue by flirting. Naughty means that you enjoy flirting and sexual innuendo, but then again, you’re in no hurry to give it up. When sex happens, the game ends. What fun is it to you, then? But if you keep him chasing you, then you keep the relationship fun and interesting, independent of sex.

2. Naughty women are picky because they enjoy quality sex; slutty girls take sex wherever and whenever.

It’s quantity vs quality. When you substitute quantity for quality, you lose on the quality experience. Cheap “quantity” is the reason why most women don’t like desperate men and the same reason why successful men don’t like desperate or “slutty” women. The truth is that picky people DO like sex and they are just as naughty as anyone. But they want sex with a higher quality partner, in a more emotionally intense relationship, and with specific characteristics that make the coupling sexy. Naughty means you’re searching for good sex. Slutty means, at least in this context, you’ll take whatever’s available. You, him, his neighbor, his brother, his friend…in other words, he’s not SPECIAL. Guys want to be special.

3. Naughty women bring out the best in a man; slutty girls really don’t let him shine.

What’s great about naughty women who are good at flirting is that they really help a man to shine—to be his best self. If the guy is a little shy, a naughty woman draws him out and lets him feel more relaxed. She helps him out, she encourages him not only to talk but to CHASE, to desire her and want to please her.

Both slutty girls and hard-to-get girls get this one wrong. Easy girls try so hard they don’t really give the man a chance to shine. They basically tell him, it doesn’t matter how special you are, I’ll take anyone! Hard-to-get girls wait for the man to be spectacular. Not surprisingly, most men either fail that test…or they just walk away, figuring there’s nothing special about her either.

Naughty women enjoy flirting for what it is—no strings attached fun. And by helping a man to relax, be his real self and flirt freely, she escalates the sexual tension that already exists.

She can do this by joking with the guy or teasing him. She can further evoke his emotions by being more spontaneous and adventurous and inviting him to take a chance and try something new.

4. Naughty girls, indicate sexual education / experience; easy girls SHOW it.

Lastly, remember that whereas easy girls show sexual experience and hop into bed too soon, a naughty woman really tantalizes a man’s imagination over time. She suggests and implies great sexual knowledge and experience, without actually investing in him anything more than she can afford to lose. She tempts him, she entices him to COMMIT to her, invest in her and impress her. This is what starts a relationship on the right track—with the man chasing the woman and doing his best to provide for her.

If you remember these principles you will always walk that fine line in between “sexy and desirable” and “oversexed and too easy”. The answer is always in the CHASE and standing your ground, exuding feminine power.

About The Author

Matthew Coast

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