How to Date a Guy – 5 Rules You Should Always Follow

There’s one BIG difference in dating a mediocre guy and dating a GREAT GUY, Mr. Right, Prince Charming, Good Looking Movie Star, Super-Dad, the Love of Your Life, etc.

And that is, Mediocre Guy doesn’t care. And Mr. Great One cares…in fact, he cares way too much to make a reckless mistake.

A mediocre guy will probably tolerate any number of mistakes you make because he just wants to hook up for a night (or a week, or a FWB relationship). It doesn’t matter to him what kind of mixed message you send, because he is NOT emotionally invested. This is a short-term project, something he can walk away from at any time.

But a really great guy, an eligible bachelor, and the man of your dreams, will NOT just tolerate anything and everything. Good men have high self-confidence. They usually don’t play mind games. They want something real, something meaningful, just like you do.

And chances are, they are very cautious about their family (especially if he has children!), their money, their lifestyle and their heart. They don’t want to jump into an unstable relationship and risk losing everything that’s important to them.

And if you send mixed messages you are screaming to them, “I am high risk. I’m volatile. I’m not safe. I have no idea what I want but here goes nothing!”

And (dysfunctional relationships aside), that’s not what successful, stable and eligible men want.

Make a few mistakes on your first or second date and it’s very likely he will find reasons to be busy and avoid calling you back. Stay on top of dating etiquette by understanding what he really wants from you and giving him the good signals he needs to keep pursuing and chasing you.

Here are five rules to remember that will keep you on his mind and always mesmerized by your feminine charms.

1. Be pursued, don’t pursue.

Much has been written about this, but it bears repeating—especially given all the “confusion” over male/female politics. Yes, it’s okay for a woman to send signals first, but a man always wants to take the lead in pursuing you. It’s not just a matter of “You’re not supposed to make the first move…” more like, the guy won’t even BELIEVE he likes you, unless he decides to make the first move. Your goal is always to inspire him, challenge him, and TEMPT him to chase you.

2. Don’t worry about being perfect. Don’t worry about communicating everything. Focus all your energy on being mysterious, confident and interested.

Too many unhappily single women fail this test. They try to tell him everything, or work too hard to impress him, rather than projecting confidence. He wants to see that you’re interesting and yet interested in him. He wants to know that you have a story, more so than he needs to actually hear your story in its entirety right now.

Share too much too soon and you come across as clingy and desperate. Make him wait for it, you come across as a challenge. Someone who likes him and yet needs to be “chased” a bit before a connection can happen.

3. Never sleep with him until he falls for you.

This is another well reported golden rule that still, amazingly, is still ignored today. It’s more a matter of common sense than a comment about morals or feminism. If all you want is sex with a man, have a go at it. But if you want MORE than just sex from a man, don’t give him all your bargaining power. Don’t surrender power to him. Don’t send a mixed message. Don’t give him everything and expect him to give you everything in return.

If you want an emotional connection with a man, you must avoid sleeping with him in order to discover that emotional spark. I assure you, he DOES want real chemistry and real love! But he won’t develop any of that if you TELL HIM that this is all about sex by sleeping with him on the first, second or third date. SHOW HIM this is not about sex by making him want something more.

Tempt with him intellectual and emotional conversation. Lure him into an honest talk about HIM—what he wants, who he is, what he cares about, and what he’s most proud of in his life. If he’s not emotionally ready for a commitment, he will scram—and fast. If he’s for real, he will be fascinated.

4. Be flexible…chances are, a guy will test you.

Guys DO test women, believe it or not. Whether it’s taking you to an odd restaurant and NOT the fanciest place in town, or even with some surprising statements, they will say things to gauge your reaction. Don’t be intimidated when they do. Don’t let anything he says or does rob you of your joy or positive spirit.

Obviously, you should not accept a man who is bullying you or insulting you, that’s not really a “test” as much as it is a tell. You fall for that BS and he wins. End of story.

But some guys WILL test you to see if you’re only interested in his money, his good looks, and any other “thing” that he has, but that does not define him. Most guys really want to be liked for who they are inside.

5. See a therapist for therapy. See a good man for a new relationship.

Don’t fall into the trap of treating your date like your new best friend / therapist. Because “friends” tend to fall into a friend zone—yes, even in the Valley of the Hot Guys, believe it or not. Resist the urge to talk about your ex or discuss your difficult family, or anything negative from the past. It might feel cathartic, but it’s only sending him big wavy red flags!

Don’t believe that he’s going to fall in love with you Friends style, just because you’re pouring your heart out. No Ross & Rachel here, folks. It usually doesn’t work that way. Men usually fall for women who keep that sexual chemistry going, and who purposely DON’T come across as average, friendly or sweet. They want a touch of the mysterious, the sexy, the exotic!

Remember, almost thirty percent of all couples confess that sexual tension happens in the first 15 minutes of a first date (or oftentimes, a first meeting). This shows that obviously poise, eye contact and first impressions matter.

Simply put, DON’T be too good of a friend. Be a woman he wants to chase, because you’re his ideal lover, his soul mate, his perfect match. He has to earn sex, just like he has to earn your friendship. All he has right now is your interest. Build on that.

Keep things exciting so that he always finds the chase romantic and exhilarating—worth every second of his effort!

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Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

P.S. If you’ve been banging your head against the wall because you’ve fallen for a man who’s frustratingly unavailable…

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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