If you’ve noticed that you the last few relationships you’ve had ended in heartbreak, or were dysfunctional in some way, then it’s time to take some time out. Introspection is a healthy practice if you’re unhappy. Considering what you want and what has prevented you from achieving your goals is practical thinking.
Your first instinct might be to feel self-critical. “I’m a monster. I just can’t be happy. I always do this.”
Or the other extreme, “People always take advantage of me. People always disappoint me. Why am I always taken advantage of?”
The truth lies somewhere in the middle of both extremes. It’s not all your fault or all his fault.
The problem is usually not the kind of person you are. It’s more about the trauma that you suffer from and still haven’t resolved in your mind. In this discussion, we’re going to consider the major signs that you have experienced trauma and have not yet healed from it.
1. You read about making positive changes, but you also fight against it.
Wanting to make positive changes is productive and shows intelligence. But not doing it, usually became of self-sabotage, or because of anxiety holding you back, suggests a trauma. You resist change, either by direct action or inaction. It’s almost as if your mind can’t handle the result of you getting what you want.
2. You obsess over everything, especially planning things for the future.
Showing signs of obsessive planning or other obsessive=compulsive behaviors (many not practical at all) suggests a past trauma occurred. You’re still subconsciously afraid of the trauma and so you plan your life and daily routines on preventing those negative feelings returning.
3. The fear of failure drives you.
Instead of being inspired to accomplish things and excel, you mostly fear the idea of failing or not accomplishing something. Focusing on negative motivations holds you back, either preventing you from trying, or sabotaging your own efforts. This results from past trauma, specifically the thought of failing and experiencing that “nightmare” scenario.
4. You secretly fear the things you want.
If you fear the same things you want, you will always approach the situation impractically, maybe even unrealistically. You don’t do your homework or create a lifestyle to support your goals. Instead, you resist trying. You do things that inevitably ruin your chances of success. In your heart, maybe you don’t want them…or if you’ve been through trauma, you fear the idea of success. You fear the “end result”, or how achieving this goal will change your life.
5. You have low self-esteem.
Low self-esteem happens because of mental and emotional trauma. You blame yourself for the most unpleasant experiences of your life. Low belief in your own abilities or value may even drive you to self-destructive behaviors. Even when people try to assure you of your worth, you resist the idea or reject the compliment.
6. You never ask people for help.
This stems from an inability to trust others. You’d rather do it yourself, since you’ve been hurt and possibly traumatized in the past, by relying on others and being disappointed.
7. You hurt people, either on purpose or by accident.
If your exes complain you are verbally abusive or “intense” or any other word for injurious, then it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It could mean, however, you are suffering from trauma that you’ve never tried to resolve in therapy. That carries over into intimate relationships.
8. You experience moody behavior, short attention span, anxiety, insomnia, and other PTSD-like feelings.
If you’ve exhibited this kind of behavior, or your spouse claims you have, then it may be PTSD or the similar condition CPTSD. This happens as the direct result of experiencing a major trauma or a long-term stressful situation where you felt powerless.
9. You feel guilt about the past.
Guilt over mistakes or even imagined or exaggerated “sins” is a sure sign of trauma in one’s life. We all experience some degree of guilt for our mistakes but if guilt is a motivator, then it’s usually the result of trauma. People who carry guilt will usually blame themselves for too much, not only taking responsibility for their mistakes, but also claiming responsibility for the mistakes of others – or even for random events that are no one’s fault.
Remember, life is oftentimes very circumstantial and we are unable to know the consequences of our action. Carrying excessive guilt with you robs you of happiness – and the opportunity to make up for those past mistakes.
10. You frequently isolate yourself from other people.
Finally, if you have phases or just a lifetime habit of avoiding people and isolating from the people you do love, it’s very likely you are experiencing some form of PTSD or CPTSD. Traumas can change a person’s behavior and even their entire way of thinking and reacting. If you notice these problems have been affecting your overall happiness, or your relationships with a partner you love, then it may be time to talk to a professional therapist.
If you’re processing trauma, or unaware of the trauma, then this negative energy will affect your relationships with others. Usually, people who feel major traumas are advised to seek counseling to help heal the wounds. Why? Because, ultimately, they hurt themselves and others when they keep up self-defeating patterns.
So it’s not “required” that you see a therapist because you’ve had trauma. But it helps tremendously, if you are carrying anxiety or stress from these issues. There’s nothing weak about seeing a therapist. It’s practical and it’s being kind to yourself, allowing yourself to heal those emotional wounds by talking about them and shifting to healthier perspectives and thinking patterns.
If you’ve had a history of bad relationships and are confused as to why they all end badly, consider the possibility of trauma in your past and how it could be manifesting in the way you deal with others.
Confronting these issues will help you feel better and improve your relationships with others. Talk to someone you trust about your feelings and then consider all your options moving forward.
The 5 Word Phrase That Destroys a Man’s Love For You And Drives Him Out Of Your Life
There’s a simple 5 word phrase that will destroy any man’s love for you and drive him out of your life completely…
It usually comes out as an honest question when you want to connect with him…
But only serves to push him away and slowly kill your relationship from the inside out…
It can take a man who is filled with love and passion for you…
And make him feel cold, distant, and uninterested…
Have you figured out what it is yet?
Many women send this as a text message when they’re feeling insecure…
And then are confused why he suddenly pulls away and disappears completely…
Most of the women who ask it don’t even know how harmful it is…
Yet it can take a relationship that seems like it’s perfect…
A relationship where you feel loved, cared for, and like you’ve finally found “the one”…
And overnight, it can tear that relationship apart…
Leaving you confused, frustrated, and heartbroken…
If you don’t know what this simple yet seemingly innocent question is…
I want you to stop what you’re doing and go watch this video presentation that I put together for you at the link below…
Click here to watch the video now <<
My name is Matthew Coast and I’ve been teaching in the dating industry on since 2005…
I’ve helped hundreds of thousands of women, all over the world…
Get into relationships where they feel loved, seen, and cherished by the men they’re with…
When you click the link this link right here <<
I show you what this 5-word phrase is…
I’ll teach you about why men pull away, how to stop it from happening…
And how to attract the man you want…
Into a relationship where you’re loved and adored and treated like a priority…
No matter how painful things have been in your past…
You can attract a great man and have a great relationship…
Just click the link on your screen and watch the video right now…
If you’re struggling with men pulling away from you…
If you’re tired of giving everything to a relationship and only being taken for granted…
And if you’re ready to have a man see you as a woman that he wants to be with forever…
