If you love something you let it go.
Say what? Since when does that logic make any sense? If you love something you hold onto to it, right? You cherish it.
Or as Meatloaf once said, a man will do anything for love…but he won’t do that. He won’t walk away from someone he loves.
So why in the world do men pull away just as you begin to feel a strong connection? Is it because he’s afraid of loving you too much or is it because you’re doing something wrong, something that offends him or scares him away?
The answer is…it could be either scenario. And the best way to get to the bottom of this mystery is to consider timing. Let’s discuss a few scenarios that explain your man’s suddenly cold behavior.
1. You are not mirroring him, because he senses you want this relationship far more than he does.
Once a man senses that you want a deeper relationship than he does, he has to make a choice: do I risk giving her what she wants and being trapped in a relationship I don’t want or do I bail out now?
In typical male fashion, he seeks logical solutions to the problem and so does NOT seem to want to talk about it. Instead, he withdraws and becomes distant—suggesting to you that he’s not interested in making this relationship any deeper than it currently is. He figures the “signals” he’s sending you are clear enough—no need to talk about it.
This is why mirroring a man’s energy and level of intensity is important. If he senses that you need this relationship to be happy, or that you want it more than he does, he feels emasculated. It wasn’t HIS decision to push things forward. Now he’s reluctant to commit because he senses his independence leaking away. Keeping your emotions near his level will protect you from appearing overeager.
2. He senses that you want to change him and rob him of independence.
While this stage usually comes later (after a strong emotional connection), it can also occur early on before bonding occurs. If you’re losing control of your emotions and trying to change him, or pressure him to feel something, he will feel back away. Men hate the feeling of being manipulated. They also despise the idea of marriage “robbing them” of their independence. Men who don’t feel independent don’t feel manly. They feel subjected…dominated and controlled.
The proper way to emotionally bond with him is to give him the attention and nurturing he wants, but to focus on becoming more independent yourself, and letting him be as independent as he wants. Once he sees that you don’t need him, he will sense that he has to try a little harder to make you happy. This gives him control over his own role in the relationship. It also gives him the desire to commit to you—to want to negotiate a real loving relationship, but on his terms.
A thinking woman asks a man what he’s willing to give her and then decides if it’s enough. A woman who’s not thinking things through will try to change him and force him to become what she needs. He will always resist someone trying to change him. But if he’s the one who wants to change, to commit more fully, there is no internal resistance.
3. He is reading you very well…he senses that you want a loving relationship that progresses slowly. The problem is he only wants sex.
Many men will go through a phase of loveless sex (usually because they’re inexperienced or because they’ve been hurt) at some point in their lives. A man has a sort of built in “forcefield” when it comes to emotion. If he only wants sex and he senses that you want sex AND emotional connection, up goes the shield!
He knows that if he allows his emotions to get involved, he may fall for you…and that’s not what he wants. He doesn’t want to feel anything emotional. He just wants release. That’s why he will distance himself and deflect the intimacy that you’re offering. You can read more about this phenomena in our article that’s all about why men pull away after sex.
Unfortunately, many women catch men in this “phase” and make the worst mistake of all: becoming a friend with benefits in hopes of changing his mind. It rarely ever works. The best thing to do if you still love a man that just wants sex, is to let him go through this phase while you move on with your life. Don’t compromise by having the loveless sex you don’t want. Let him know that you require emotional investment. And if and when he ever grows up, that’s when you’ll take him seriously.
4. He got mixed signals and is now backing away because he falsely senses your rejection of him.
This one is usually not as common as the other scenarios, but it does happen. If a man misreads your signals and thinks you’re pushing him away he WILL back away. This can sometimes happen if you play too hard to get, or “playfully” rebuff him when he’s too oversensitive. Men do like to chase women, but they also like to be rewarded. Trying too hard to be immovable or difficult could be sending him in the opposite direction. For the best results, learn how sensitive he is and only challenge him just enough so that you know he can keep up.
5. He really does have more important things going on in his life.
Lastly, remember that sometimes men have other things to attend to besides love; they may be dealing with anxiety, work stress, or even family tragedies. The “cold and distant” behavior doesn’t necessarily mean he’s backing away for good. He may just need some time to himself. As an independent woman, you are more than happy to give him space and not be clingy.
When a man pulls away early on, it’s a symptom of a bigger issue. It’s not a definite sign of relationship atrophy. Give him the space he needs and fall back on the positives you showed him before. If there was a real emotional connection, he WILL come back to you, ready to chase and ready to fall in love.
The 5 Word Phrase That Destroys a Man’s Love For You And Drives Him Out Of Your Life
There’s a simple 5 word phrase that will destroy any man’s love for you and drive him out of your life completely…
It usually comes out as an honest question when you want to connect with him…
But only serves to push him away and slowly kill your relationship from the inside out…
It can take a man who is filled with love and passion for you…
And make him feel cold, distant, and uninterested…
Have you figured out what it is yet?
Many women send this as a text message when they’re feeling insecure…
And then are confused why he suddenly pulls away and disappears completely…
Most of the women who ask it don’t even know how harmful it is…
Yet it can take a relationship that seems like it’s perfect…
A relationship where you feel loved, cared for, and like you’ve finally found “the one”…
And overnight, it can tear that relationship apart…
Leaving you confused, frustrated, and heartbroken…
If you don’t know what this simple yet seemingly innocent question is…
I want you to stop what you’re doing and go watch this video presentation that I put together for you at the link below…
Click here to watch the video now <<
My name is Matthew Coast and I’ve been teaching in the dating industry on since 2005…
I’ve helped hundreds of thousands of women, all over the world…
Get into relationships where they feel loved, seen, and cherished by the men they’re with…
When you click the link this link right here <<
I show you what this 5 word phrase is…
I’ll teach you about why men pull away, how to stop it from happening…
And how to attract the man you want…
Into a relationship where you’re loved and adored and treated like a priority…
No matter how painful things have been in your past…
You can attract a great man and have a great relationship…
Just click the link on your screen and the watch the video right now…
If you’re struggling with men pulling away from you…
If you’re tired of giving everything to a relationship and only being taken for granted…
And if you’re ready to have a man see you as a woman that he wants to be with forever…
Click this link to watch my video right now <<
Thank you for the truthful reading. This type of info keeps me grounded.
Grounding stuff
I want to be with her Richard
These are so true
I want more eggs for my breakfast
Wow no 5 that’s what I am going through right now I am giving him his space . We are in a relationship and we love each other I am not giving up.
I have been engaged to a man for 10 years now but he’s broke my heart as he been messaging other women rude stuff too
I have just agreed to be friends with him but he lives with me but I feel I can’t be without him even though he behaviour is very cold towards me I don’t know what to do
I’m confused. Advice please? With my ex I was living my independent life and he wanted my attention 24/7! We didn’t work out, we drifted apart, he became depressed through work stress and his Sex drive and libido decreased.
I fall in love with married man and I am married to, we got the sparkle and all of a sudden he pulled away. Explaining the we are both busy, that he can’t managed to work family and me on top of that that he is sorry. I can’t believe, I was hopeless. I got drank and texted him begging him to come over. He refused and said no way he doesn’t want to continue something without future. I was so mad that I was embarrassed my self, I even texted him with apologizing for my actions. I deleted all our messages, but I don’t delete his number and I can’t stop thinking of him. From time to time I sent him message, I believe he still have some fillings otherwise he can block my phone number.
I think I should do number five because we had a date with my new man just after days the mother got sick for now like three months and now the mother is recovering but he is doing things I didn’t expect out of him He does not call nor replies my messages and when I call he doesn’t pick though he does sometimes I really love him soo much and I expressed it to him but now I feel like letting go he doesn’t tell me he doesn’t love me but he doesn’t express himself am worried