You may have noticed a few times that some guys sort of “push into you” or even against you when they go for a kiss. It seems like a confusing gesture, since part of him is pushing you away, but part of him is bringing you closer. What does this mean, especially if this is your first kiss together?
Here’s the short answer. When a guy pushes against you while kissing, he’s almost always caught up in the moment rather than trying to dominate you. Pressing closer is instinct. He wants less space between you, and his body moves before his thinking catches up. What he does in the ten seconds after the kiss tells you far more than the push itself.
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Let’s consider a few possibilities and then consider the most likely scenario. Then we’ll finish with a final thought on how to evaluate a man’s kiss and what it means for the overall future of the relationship.
Scenario #1: He’s trying to be sexy or dominant or something.
Yeah guys do this sometimes, especially if he’s kind of new to dating, or just thinks you want a dominant partner who is ultra confident and very intense in the bedroom. It’s not entirely accurate though. Most women are not looking for Christian Grey. You want sexy. You want confident. But there’s no need to go over the top and be pushy, grabby, or bratty. All that acting, while fun in roleplaying, should be discussed first and not just assumed.
But that’s probably not why he’s doing it. Let’s consider some other options.
Scenario #2: He’s ambivalent about the kiss.
He loves you, he hates you! Or maybe he’s already taken but still wants you! Or maybe he’s afraid of you, afraid of his own passion around you, but still so irascibly drawn to you! The kiss represents the battle going on in his head.
Yeah, sure that’s all possible too. But again, not likely. Let’s consider two other scenarios.
Scenario #3: He wants to be near you and instinctively moves closer.
This one’s a plausible theory, and it’s possibly true that instinctively we want to be near to the person we like. Even in flirting, sometimes we unconsciously move closer to our date, or a crush, whenever they make eye contact.
So if you’re kissing together and the feeling is intense, he might want more tension, and more intimacy. His subconscious mind says, “bring her closer!”
So it’s not so much that he’s pushing against you, but more like he’s coming closer and trying to stay nearer to you in mid-kiss. It’s a positive gesture.
But then here’s another scenario…
Scenario #4: He is trying to uh, accelerate the romance into something much freakier.
In essence, yeah, he’s very aroused and by pushing against you he’s giving you the hint that he thinks you should go into the bedroom. (Or wherever…hopefully not the restaurant bathroom)
But if you’re kissing romantically and passionately, he might just be “pushing in” because he’s letting you know he’s available for the night. He wants you now, or soon, and is waiting to see what you do in return. Maybe he’s even hoping for a little bit of sexual contact, at least a graze or a sliver.
Will you signal to him that it’s time to go back? Or will you back away and send him into panic?
Possibe. But let’s consider one more…
Scenario #5: He just likes the way it feels.
Sometimes men do stuff like pushing against you because it feels good. He wants to be more hands on. He wants his body closer to you, maybe even to feel his body pushing against yours. It might be a sexual thing…OR it might just be a romantic and sweet thing.
You won’t really know until the next step – what he does after the kiss. Is he going to keep sending you obvious hints that he wants more? Or…is he going to want to gaze into your eyes, smile, kiss you again, and be happy with the moment you just shared?
This is the most likely scenario, in my opinion. Guys sometimes forget themselves in the heat of the moment. He might be pushing into you because he’s excited, or maybe even over-stimulated and he’s having a hard time controlling himself. That’s a pretty good sign!
He’s not being pushy but he’s really happy to be here and taking the next step.
What comes next is up to the both of you. Is this the right moment? Has he fallen for you yet, and will he come back to you again?
How to Read His Kiss
Here’s the takeaway. Don’t take one gesture so seriously, like pushing against you during a kiss. Instead, compare this gesture to a few others he uses. For example, does he keep holding onto your waist after the kiss? Does he use his fingers to gently roll a lock of hair from your face? Does he gaze into your eyes and smile?
It’s relatively easy to sense what guys are thinking and feeling after a kiss. Negative reactions are distancing. They instantly create awkward and defensive energy. Attraction feels magnetic. He doesn’t want to let go. He doesn’t want this moment to end.
From there, you can always ask how he liked it. If he’s quick to say it was great, or if he laughs or smiles, or blushes, you can bet that the first kiss was a success. He was pushing against you because he was very into the moment. He was carried away with feeling and attraction and just couldn’t help but express himself.
Assuming he doesn’t do anything too pushy, like touching your breasts or trying to undress you, you can assume he’s taking things slow. That’s a good start. A man shouldn’t push you into sex, as if telling you now is the right time.
It’s up to you to decide if this is the right time and he will wait for your consent. Why? Because a decent man knows that love and sex is much better when a woman is into it, excited about it, and ready to move forward in the relationship.
Try not to worry so much about what he’s thinking but pay closer attention to what his body is feeling. That way, you will always know what he’s really saying with his kissing pattern.
Why Do Guys Push You Against a Wall While Kissing?
This is the more forceful cousin of the same instinct, and it usually means the same thing: he’s escalating and he wants you to feel it. Pinning you against a wall removes any distance at all, and it’s a move men associate with confidence.
The difference worth noticing is control. A man who backs you into a wall while still reading your reactions is being passionate. A man who does it and ignores you pulling back is not, and that’s a different conversation entirely.
Quick Answers
Is it a bad sign if he pushes against me? Usually the opposite. It signals he’s absorbed in the moment rather than politely going through the motions.
Does it mean he wants sex? Sometimes, and sometimes it’s just closeness. Watch what he does after. A man who wants to keep talking and looking at you is enjoying the moment. A man steering you toward another room has a plan.
What if it feels too forceful? Say so, or put a hand on his chest and step back. A decent man stops instantly and doesn’t need it explained twice. How he reacts to that moment tells you more about him than the kiss did.
Should I push back? If you’re enjoying it, yes. Leaning in rather than bracing is the clearest signal you can send without words.
He pushed against me and then went cold. Why? He probably read hesitation in your reaction and pulled back to protect himself. It’s rarely about you doing something wrong.
Does this mean he likes me? It means he wants you right now. Whether he likes you shows up in whether he texts tomorrow and plans a next time.
Related Reading
- What Does His Kiss Say About His Feelings?
- When a Guy Kisses You Unexpectedly: What It Really Means
- Signs the Kiss Meant Something to Him
- 7 Hot Ways to Kiss a Man That Capture His Desire
- How to Tell He Loves You by His Kiss
How to use a kiss to connect with his heart
Can I tell you a secret that most people don’t know?
And the people who do know, don’t usually think much about it…
Here it is…
Kissing is a language.
And it communicates at a very primal level.
It can tell a man’s mind to reach, hunger, and crave for more of your touch…
Or it can turn him off and dull his passion and excitement for you.
The question is…
What does your kiss say?
Talk soon,
Matthew Coast
P.S. If you want to learn how to capture a man’s heart with your kiss…
